


In Name Only

by IzzySamson



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Great Depression, Oral Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2017-11-26 14:58:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 66,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/651579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzySamson/pseuds/IzzySamson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the midst the Great Depression eighteen year old Katniss needs a miracle. Her Papa is dead, Mama has just been hauled off to the asylum, soon she'll be evicted, and Prim put into the child's home. WW1 Veteran, Peeta Mellark, gives her the means to save Prim, he offers to be her husband 'in name only'. The only hitch is; Katniss thinks she loves him… Inspired by everlark recs DD May/Dec prompt</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to give my sincerest thanks to kismet4891 and katnissinme for being my betas. Kismet has been in on this from the start and has made me the beautiful fan art.
> 
> I hope that enjoy the start. A large portion of this story is already written.  
> You can follow me and get sneak peeks for this and my other stories by following me on tumblr izzysamson. I’m also now on Ao3.

  **I** **n Name Only**

**November, 1932**

**Chapter 1**

The sky was clear and a lovely shade of robin's egg blue, the trees were newly freed of their red and orange leaves, which now littered the ground and it may have looked like a beautiful fall day to anyone looking at it from inside of a window. Unless you happened to be outside, as Katniss was, you never would have known was cold it truly was, or perhaps the chills she felt were from the sight she beheld. Her heart raced as she pulled into the drive way. The white truck, emblazoned with 'Panem Co. Insane Asylum' written on the side, was visible to Katniss as it drove through town and she instantly knew that they were headed to her home to collect her mother. Katniss watched in horror while the men in white coats hauled her lethargic mother away, "There was nothing you can do," they told her, "Mrs. Everdeen is a ward of the state." _Damned nosy Mrs. Cartwright._ The shoemaker's wife thought she was doing her "Christian" duty by reporting Mrs. Everdeen to the insane asylum, but Katniss didn't see it that way. The only thing that made it the situation bearable was that Prim was in school and did not have to witness it. The scene would have been too much for gentle-hearted Prim.

 _Oh, why did Prim have to be so sweet and honest with everyone?_ Prim had dutifully told the plump church lady about how her mother had been staring at the wall for the last year, despondent after the death of their father. After all Katniss had only told her not to tell anybody at _school,_ Prim had deducted that anybody else who asked could be told the truth. Katniss did not care so much about her mother being taken away, maybe the doctors there could actually help her snap out of it, because goodness knows that everything her daughters had tried had not. But the thought of Prim being taken to the children's home, did terrified her. Although she had just turned eighteen last May, things did not look good for them. Katniss had consulted a lawyer, Mr. Odair, who had informed her that the state would not give an eighteen-year-old custody of a ten-year-old, the case against her being made worse by the fact that she was behind on rent, and making little to no money. They had no relatives to take her in, they were all suffering from the economic depression, too. Prim could be taken by the county people any moment now.

It was hard to imagine that not so long ago they - her mother, father, Prim, and Katniss- were all happy. Life was good, their farm was thriving, and the Everdeen family was content. Then the market crashed, although they were okay, the mid-west had not been hit as hard as other areas, but still things were difficult. They may not have had much, but they had each other and the farm so they wouldn't starve.

That was until the following fall, when her father had gotten caught in the threshing machine during harvest. Katniss was there and watched on in horror as he was ripped to shreds while he screamed. Despite her age, she had been brave and held tightly to his hand during his last moments on Earth. The farm hands efforts to free him from the works were in vain, and he died grasping his daughter's hand. After the funeral, her mother's last cognizant action was to sell the family farm and livestock to , the biggest landowner in the county, for pennies on the dollar. The money was enough to pay off the creditors, but left nothing to live off of. Mr. Snow was ' _generous'_ enough to allow them to stay in the house, keep some chickens and Prim's nanny goat, as long as rent came in on time. But, he had upped the rent every month and now they were three months behind- they were to be evicted any day now. Katniss had to quit school to work. She worked as a milk maid at Mrs. Sae's Dairy Farm down the road. It was the only job she could find that would allow her to earn money and still be able to care for her family. She walked there every morning before dawn to save on gas, and milked ten Jersey cows by hand. The work was hard. But at least Mrs. Sae and the other farm hands, made it tolerable. Plus Sae gave her all the milk they could drink and a chance to do the evening milking if one of the night girls couldn't show up. After milking, Katniss would walk back home and care for Prim and her mother.

Katniss would take Prim to school, often not having time to clean up properly or change out of her overalls. She would drive their old Model T truck, filled with tradable goods: eggs, goat cheese and vegetables from their large garden, which Katniss reverently tended. After Prim was dropped off Katniss would try to barter, with money practically worthless at the moment bartering kept them fed. Unfortunately a lot of people had the same idea, the market, so to speak, was flooded. The only folks would could afford to give much were the merchants and most of the merchants didn't want to trade with the dirty farm girl who reeked of cows. The Undersees would trade if they had a need, but Mrs. Undersee was stingy, much of her household allowance went to buying "headache" remedies. The Cartwrights would buy, but always wanted to talk about how was doing, so much so that Katniss avoided going there if she could. Both families always thought that they had to report to Katniss about how their daughters were doing; Katniss would have graduated with Madge and Delly, if she had not been forced to drop out. It annoyed Katniss to hear about how Madge was doing in college and she could really have cared less about Delly's upcoming wedding.

Thankfully Katniss had found one person who was will to deal with her fairly, who would not rub their good fortune in her face. The thirty-one year old bachelor baker, Mr. Mellark, had been a friend of her father's. Peeta Mellark was a veteran of the Great War. During his service, he had been caught in an explosion, shrapnel had ripped through his body, leaving a long, jagged scar down his left cheek and leaving his left leg permanently damaged causing him to limp noticeably. He had always been good to Katniss, as a child he indulged her with treats. In the present, he often sent her home with day old baked goods, which Katniss swore were really fresh. Every time she walked into the bakery he would hand her a cup of tea, a cheese bun or another type of treat, and tell her, "Eat this, you're looking too thin." More times than not it would be the only thing she ate until her meager dinner at night. Sometimes he would sit with her and tell her stories about Europe, or discuss books or the upcoming election, taking her mind off her troubles for a little while. His kindness annoyed her at times but she couldn't complain, it would be ungrateful; and she was very grateful for Mr. Mellark. Her father had always said he was one of the best men he ever knew. If Papa had thought so highly of him, then so should she.

There was a knock at the door and Katniss's heart stopped. _They're here already?_ She had assumed that she'd had a few days before they would come to take Prim. Katniss cautiously answered the door when she opened it and was surprised to find the last person she expected. It was not the Sheriff, or people from the county, as anticipated. However, it was a familiar tall, broad man leaning lightly on a cane, with wavy blonde hair, striking blue eyes, and a pale purple scar running down one side of his face.

"Mr. Mellark!?" Katniss exclaimed, taken aback by the sight of Mr. Mellark in his Sunday best suit on her door step. "What are you doing here?"

"Katniss," Mr. Mellark took off his hat. "I have something I want to talk to you about. We don't have much time, and Deputy Darius said that the people from the county will be here this afternoon."

Katniss hesitated for a moment. Her heart sank knowing that Mr. Mellark knew about her troubles, for some reason the thought of him pitying her made her feel sick. She didn't want pity from anyone, least of all him. "Please come in Mr. Mellark." Katniss said shakily and opened the door wide for him and he stepped in and set his cane against the door frame, he did not rely on his cane, but he carried it with him in case his leg started to bother him. Katniss motioned her hand towards the old wing chair in the small parlor for him to sit. She stood before the old fire place and asked. "They're coming for Prim, aren't they?"

Mr. Mellark sat and took a deep breath, "Yes, they are. It would save them a trip to evict you and take her at the same time. Sherriff Thread is nothing, if not efficient." He stopped and looked at her hesitantly. "But I think I know a way that she could be kept with you. I hope you don't mind, but I already took the liberty of speaking to Mr. Odair and he told me about a possible solution to your problem…I tried to find out if there were any other fixes, but none could be found that could help you and Primrose, today."

"What's that?" Katniss was hopeful. The news was unexpectedly welcome.

"First, let me ask you something." He paused, stared at the hat in his hands and fiddled with it. "Do you have a fella?"

"A what?" Katniss questioned, thinking that she'd not heard him right.

"You know - a beau, a sweetheart." Mr. Mellark elaborated.

"No," she said softly, "No I don't. I never have, Papa said no courting until I was eighteen."

"Yes, Harland used to tell me that," Mr. Mellark chuckled a little then caught her eye, and breathed deeply."I know that this will sound crazy…I would ask nothing of you; it would be in name only." He paused and Katniss gave him a look to urge him on. "I-I would be willing to marry you and have you and your sister come live with me."

Katniss turned away from him and grasped on to the mantel of the fireplace simply so she wouldn't risk falling. A marriage proposal, let alone one from Peeta Mellark, was the last thing on her mind when she woke up this morning. The fireplace to which she clung was yet another reminder of how poor they really were, it was chilly outside and they had nothing to burn but old news papers and fallen sticks that she and Prim had collected. If by some miracle they were allowed to stay in the house, they would have no means to heat it come winter.

"And then, when you are old enough, I would help you find a place that would allow to take Prim. Yyou would have more rights at twenty-one, and we could part ways, if that's what you wanted." He paused for a moment to allow his words to sink in. "This is the only way that Finnick and I could think of to keep Prim out of the children's home. I'm well respected, my business is doing well, and no one would meddle with you if you were my wife. I just want to help. It would do my heart good."

The small house was silent. Finally Katniss cleared her throat, trying to dislodge the lump that formed there. She asked with a thick voice, "What is in this for you, Mr. Mellark?"

"My friend's daughters would be safe and I would have some company in my home. My father died a couple years ago and I've been lonely. I just thought that it wouldn't be such a bad deal all around. My house is large and I'm alone most of the time other than Mrs. Seeder, my house keeper and her daughter, and they're only there a few hours a day."

Katniss stayed silent for a few moments. The stillness was deafening. Mr. Mellark thought that he must have totally offended and disgusted her, so he rose and said apologetically, "I'm sorry Miss Everdeen, it was only a thought, I meant nothing by it…I'll be leaving now."

She started to shake as she tried to process everything Mr. Mellark had told her. _Could this be real? Would he really marry me only to keep Prim and I together and to provide him with company? If Papa trusted him then I should, too. I can't pass up this opportunity, it could be my only chance to save Prim from the children's home._

Mr. Mellark walked to the door and it was only when he turned the knob that a reply came from the grey-eyed girl. She rushed to him and took his hand in both of hers. "Please," she whispered as she choked back tears, "Mr, Mellark yes, I'll marry you. Please I would do anything to keep Prim with me. I'll cook, I'll clean, I'll work in your bakery. I'd do anything you wanted."

"Kitty," Peeta said gently, as he wiped away her tears and gripped her hand firmly, stressing his point, "I would be happy with your company and nothing more."

"Kitty?" Katniss repeated softly and smiled a little at the nostalgia. He could always make her smile. It took her back to the days when he would give her cookies while he and her father talked politics and philosophy. "You haven't called me that in a long time, Mr. Mellark."

"Please Katniss, call me Peeta." He requested kindly.

"Peeta," she said hesitantly, the name sounded strange in her voice, but she liked the sound and what she said next was not at all forced. "I would like to marry you."

"Alright, we'll do it," he agreed and let go of her hand. "Why don't you go put on a nice dress and we'll go to the Justice of the Peace? It shouldn't take long. Then we can pick Prim up from school. If we hurry we can beat the social workers and Sheriff back here."

Katniss hurriedly washed herself in cold water from the wash basin and put on her one pair of silk stockings that she had not ruined. The only nice dress she owned was her blue gingham church dress. She unbraided her dark hair and twisted into a bun and secured it with bobby pins and pewter combs that had belonged to her grandmother. _I should wear a hat,_ she thought but she did not own any nice ones herself. So she went to her mother's room and opened her wardrobe, which contained three hat boxes. Katniss open the smallest one knowing that it contained her mother's favorite hat. The pink straw saucer hat, it was a birthday gift to her mother several years ago, but it was still in good condition. Katniss put it on her head, set at an angle like her mother used to do, and put a hat pin in to keep it in place. Next, she powdered her face lightly and dabbed on some rose water. She looked at herself in her mother's mirror. Something was missing, gloves. Katniss raided her mother's glove box and pulled a cream knit pair and forced them onto her muscular hands. _Milking cows really does give you bigger hands._ She located her mother's worn dress coat and gave the room one last look. It was odd to think that her mother was here just a little while ago. Tears pooled in her eyes, this was not how she had envisioned her wedding day, but she fought back her fears and concerns and told herself that she had no other option.

She had always liked Mr. Mellark and had wondered why he never married. Papa had once mentioned a sweetheart who had rejected him upon his return from the war. She had always thought it to be a sad story. Mr. Mellark had so many fine qualities that far out-shined his scars. Although now she was glad he never did marry-no one else would have given her this kind of offer. If she ever was going to marry anyone, a sweet and gentle man like Mr. Mellark would have been at the top of her list.

_Sweet Jesus, I'm marrying Peeta Mellark today._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was inspired by the everlark DD May/December challenge, so that explains the age difference.
> 
> Thank you to kismet4891 katnissinme, for beta-ing this hot mess and turning it into something special!

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 2**

They drove into town in Peeta's blue Model A in complete silence before he brought the vehicle to a stop in front of an old brick building. Katniss knew this building; it was where she had come a few months prior to inquire about Prim's custody. The visit had cost her a chicken- the window read "Finnick Odair, Attorney at Law."

"We'll need some witnesses. Finnick and Annie said that they would be willing to do it. He's been my best friend since we were kids," was all Peeta said before he exited the car. A few moments later Peeta walked out of the office with Mr. and Mrs. Finnick Odair. Mr. Odair flipped the sign on the door "Closed" before locking up and then helped his very pregnant wife into the car. They both greeted her warmly. It was obvious that they were surprised by the hasty marriage, but they did not try to talk them out of it. The short drive was awkward to say the least; no one but Peeta spoke, and he only commented on how chilly it was for early November. When they got to the Justice of the Peace, Peeta reached over and pulled out a tiny red velvet box and a small brown paper bag, then slipped them into his coat pockets.

"You think that Abernathy will need some convincing?" Finnick questioned with a chuckle.

"You never know if he is in a good mood or not," Peeta said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I want to speed this along, it's one o'clock and school lets out at three."

Haymitch Abernathy, the Justice of the Peace, greeted them with a "Hello" that sounded more like a bear's growl. The Odairs waited in the hallway while Katniss and Peeta met with the Justice in his office. As Peeta began to explain the situation, Katniss could not force herself to pay attention to the conversation, only hearing bits and pieces. She was only now coming to realize the gravity of the situation. _Why would Peeta trade his freedom to help me? Is this really happening? My mother is in some mental institution right now, Prim is blissfully unaware at school, and I'm getting ready to marry Peeta Mellark without either one knowing._

"This needs to happen today." Peeta was resolute, his tone stern and commanding.

"She looks like she's twelve. I need to see her birth certificate, to prove her age…" Abernathy spouted, seemingly disinterested in the situation at hand.

"How about this instead," Peeta countered, and pulled the bag from his pocket. "Scotch, twenty years old, sent to me by a friend from England. I've been saving it. C'mon, you've known her family for years, and you know she's over eighteen."

"You know it's illegal to bribe an official, especially with alcohol. There is a prohibition in case you didn't know," Haymitch sarcastically informed Peeta.

Peeta rolled his eyes with obvious disdain. "Sorry, I thought that you would like a change from bath tub gin," he quipped before moving to put the bottle back into his pocket.

Quickly reaching for the bottle in Peeta's hand, Mr. Abernathy barked back, "Well, I didn't say that I wouldn't take it, now did I? I'll take your word for it, but if I get asked you showed me a birth certificate." He looked over the paper work they had filled out. "Good job Mellark, thirteen years age difference, you can raise her up right…Damn scotch is older than the girl. Let's get this done with."

Katniss was asked to fetch the witnesses. When she silently opened the door she accidently overheard the couple's hushed conversation.

"I can't believe she agreed," she could hear Mrs. Odair whisper to her husband when she opened the door.

"I know," Mr. Odair replied. "I suggested it to Peeta as a joke at first. I never thought that he would actually go through with this."

"Maybe this will be good for him, too," Annie said hopefully. "She seems like a nice girl, perhaps a bit backwards, but honest. The way he talks about her, I think he's smitten."

Katniss cleared her throat and asked the couple to join them.

The ceremony was short. She was numb throughout it, and all that Katniss could remember was how Peeta had to pull the glove off her hand to slip on a ring. The marriage was sealed with a simple kiss pressed to her cheek at the end of the vows, punctuated by Peeta explaining to Mr. Abernathy, "She's really shy."

"You're going to have a hell of a time tonight then, Mellark," Mr. Abernathy whispered to Peeta with a grin and a wink. Katniss scowled at Mr. Abernathy, whose grin instantly disappeared.

Annie was dropped off at the law office, and was asked to call Mrs. Seeder so that she would know to prepare dinner for three people. Finnick rode with them in case the sheriff caused them any trouble. Peeta drove them to the school and they arrived just in time to see Prim exit the school. Katniss flagged her down, but was unprepared to answer Prim's questions about why Mr. Mellark was there and what was going on. Thankfully, Mr. Odair was there and was wonderful with children. Prim was familiar with the Odairs from church, as she had always been impressed with Mrs. Odair's beauty and lovely clothes.

"Well Prim, did you know that these two have been courting in secret?" Finnick told her, his voice full of wonder. Katniss was of two minds on the subject of lying to Prim about how their marriage had come about. On the one hand, she hated being dishonest with Prim. On the other hand, Prim was ten and did not need to know the details about their mother being hauled away, how they were days away from being tossed from their home, or how close she had been to living in an orphanage.

Luckily, Prim was a bit of a romantic, so the idea of a secret courtship immediately appealed to her. "Like in the movies?" she asked with amazement painted on her face. "What did Mama say?"

"She said it was fine, and then she said she wanted to get better before she moved into Peeta's house with you all, so she went to the hospital this morning," Finnick skillfully answered. Hearing the smooth answers come from his lips even Katniss nearly believed him. In reality, she had no clue if her mother would ever come out of the county asylum or not.

This seemed to placate Prim enough, with the only other question she had left to ask being, "Can Buttercup and Lady come to live with us, too?"

Peeta looked to Katniss for an explanation. "Those are her nanny goat and tom cat," Katniss whispered. "If you don't want them, we'll understand."

"Of course, they can sweetheart," Peeta told Prim happily and then he looked over to Katniss. "I could use a cat and I have a big yard, the goat can stay in the old carriage house."

Prim squealed and wrapped her arms around him from the back seat and said, "Thank you!" At that moment, Katniss knew that her sister had been totally won over by her new brother-in-law. _At least this part was easy._

When they pulled into the drive of the Everdeen home the sheriff's car was already there. Old Sheriff Thread stood on the porch, along with a severe-looking older woman whom Katniss assumed was a social worker. Peeta asked the girls to stay in the car while he and Finnick spoke to the sheriff. After many tense moments, Peeta and Finnick finally returned.

They informed Katniss that the sheriff was going to allow them to collect their personal possessions before forcing them out. The decision of what to keep and what to leave was simple, most everything of value had already been sold or traded, with her Papa's piano the first to go, and then the Victrola. All that was left was their clothing, pictures, and a few knick-knacks. It was sad to think of how quickly their entire lives were packed into crates. What furniture was left would have to be forfeited to Mr. Snow to make up for back rent.

Katniss tried to pretend to be excited for Prim's sake and put on a brave face. Peeta told Prim about how she would stay in his brother's boyhood room and that they would pick out new wallpaper for her soon. A very perturbed Buttercup was forced into a peach crate. When their things were packed they left without much ceremony; Katniss knew that she couldn't handle it. Peeta held her hand to steady her as they walked off the porch for the last time. He pulled out his handkerchief and wiped her cheeks; she hadn't even realized that she'd been crying. "Come on, Kitty," he soothed, and pulled her close to block her from Prim's sight. "Let's go home."

Finnick had been sent ahead with Katniss's truck loaded down with their possessions and Lady. He complained about how undignified it was for a man of his station to be hauling around a blasted goat. Peeta replied with a smile that Finnick owed him for some undisclosed misadventure in their past. On the way back into town they stopped at Mrs. Sae's to inform her that Katniss would not be working there anymore, and that she could have their chickens. Mrs. Sae smiled at Katniss and pulled her aside while Prim showed Peeta the cows.

"My, what a lucky girl you are! At least with him having been _around_ a while he'll know how to make things pleasurable for you from the beginning. There is nothing more awkward than a wedding night between two virgins," the elderly lady whispered in her ear. "I know that you're a bit naïve for your age. Now, has your mother ever explained what happens between a man and wife, I mean, in their bed?"

Katniss's wide-eyed expression must have been enough of an answer. Growing up on a farm she knew all about animal reproduction, about what part of a male was inserted into what part of a female, but had no clue how that translated into what happened with people. Making love on the movie screen seemed to be comprised of a lot of quick kisses and overly dramatic declarations of undying affection. Which, of course, seemed nothing like the hushed, breathy noises she would occasionally hear from her parents' room late at night when they thought she was asleep.

"Mr. Mellark said that our marriage would be in name only," Katniss sheepishly admitted. "And that all he wants is my company."

"Oh," Mrs. Sae said with a little surprise. "Well, for his sake don't go advertising it. A man has his pride. He would be the laughing stock of the town if everyone knew that he had a pretty young wife that he couldn't touch. That poor man was made fool enough when that damn girl, Clove Fields, ditched him for that arrogant Cato Billings cause of his leg years ago. I always thought that he deserved some happiness in this life, too…He's a good man."

"Yes, I know," Katniss admitted, despite being overwhelmed with all the information she had learned about her new husband. "He is the best."

Katniss was still feeling a little overwhelmed when they arrived at Peeta's home. It was a white Colonial Revival, with a large yard and cherry trees, and looked like a picture from the Good Housekeeping magazine. Prim was thrilled to be living, for the first time ever, in a house with a telephone, electricity, and running water. Inside, the house was warm and everything was bright and clean. She flushed the toilet a few times out of wonderment alone. They were introduced to Mrs. Seeder, a lovely, tall, robust woman in her forties, with skin the color of coffee with cream, and light brown eyes. Her daughter, Rue, was there too, and she quickly pulled Prim away to show her the best hiding places in the house.

After a delicious dinner of fried chicken and mashed potatoes, Peeta brought out a small cake. Katniss gave him a curious look. "I had Annie call the bakery, too," he admitted shyly. "I thought that you deserved a wedding cake, even if we did only go to the Justice of the Peace."

Katniss was sure that the cake was superb, just like all of Peeta's confections, but it tasted like saw dust in her mouth. The same numbness that she'd felt earlier in the day had returned. After she finished her slice, she folded her hands in her lap and noticed as the ring on her finger glinted in the light, really catching her attention and causing her to look at it for the first time. It was not a plain yellow gold band like most women had, but silver with a pretty oval-shaped diamond in the center, complemented by small square-shaped emeralds on either side. It was beautiful, and she knew instantly that it had been meant for another, Clove Fields more than likely.

Prim's little head kept drooping as she drifted off to sleep. It had been a long, bizarre day, and her belly was fuller now than it had been in months. Peeta lifted her as though she were a rag doll and carefully carried her up the stairs, placing her on the bed in her new room where Buttercup was already waiting for her. Peeta waited out in the hall while Katniss helped Prim into her pajamas and tucked her into bed.

Then Peeta showed her where she was to stay. He told her now that it had been his room before he moved downstairs after his father died. Her room was just down the hall from Prim's; he explained that his room was downstairs in case she needed anything. As he turned to leave, Katniss felt as though she had to say something to let him know how grateful she was for all that he'd done.

"Thank you, Mr. Mellark," she called. He turned to look at her, and she realized her error and quickly corrected herself. "I'm sorry, Peeta… It's just hard to go from knowing you as my friend, Mr. Mellark, my whole life, to suddenly, unexpectedly, as Peeta-my husband - all in one day."

"I know, Katniss," he said and reached out his hand to her, which she took automatically. She liked how he could make her feel at ease and comforted with just a touch. "This will be a big change for all of us. I want to share all that I have with you, and I want us to live like a family."

Katniss nodded her head, and felt her eyes start to burn with tears. She'd not felt like part of a family with anybody except Prim since her father died. Peeta must have sensed what she was feeling and enveloped her in a hug, telling her that everything would be okay. Katniss allowed herself a few tears before she trusted her voice enough to change the subject. "Thank you for the ring, it's beautiful. Green is my favorite color. I like silver, too."

"Actually, it's platinum," Peeta corrected her with a smile. Her face must have registered the surprise she felt as she raised the ring to examine it again. She'd heard of platinum before, and knew it was more valuable than gold. The thought that she wore such an expensive piece of jewelry made her a little nervous. "It came from France. I'm glad that someone finally gets to wear it. It's been put away for a long time now, waiting for a pretty girl."

"Well, it's still waiting for a pretty girl, but I'll try to take care of it for you." Katniss's reaction was sincere.

"You have no clue, do you?" Peeta mused. Katniss gave him a confused look, urging him to continue. "The effect that you have on people," he smiled and kissed the knuckles of her hand that donned the ring. "It's late and it has been a long day. I'll be gone by the time you wake. Feel free to make whatever you like for breakfast, there are eggs and bacon in the ice box and bread in the bread box and…" He paused for a moment before he added. "You're more than welcome to keep our daily trading appointment after you take Prim to school, I'll make sure that there is a cheese bun waiting for you."

"Thank you, I'd like that," she replied with a shy smile. "Goodnight, Peeta."

"Goodnight, Kitty," he said and exited the room, leaving her to wonder about him as she settled into the bed that he used to sleep in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope to have chapter 3 up in the next day or two.


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to kismet4891 and katnissinme for beta such wonderful and constructive betas!

**Thank you to of you who have favorite and followed this story. And a special thanks to those of you who leave review, I love you guys, you brighten my day!**

**Thanks to kismet4891 and katnissinme for beta such wonderful and constructive betas!**

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 3**

Katniss found it hard to sleep in her new home, especially after she noticed that the bookshelf was filled with classic books. There were volumes of Dickens, Twain, and countless others. One book in particular that caught her attention was Charlotte Bronte's _Jane Eyre_. Peeta had recommended the book to her a while ago, but she'd not had time to read it. Working had consumed every waking hour for the last year, and she would not allow herself the luxury of burning a kerosene lamp just to indulge in an unproductive past time. She found herself enthralled by the narrative and fell asleep with the light on after about fifty pages.

The next morning she walked Prim to school and told her not to say anything about the previous day's events unless she was asked. Prim was visibly disappointed, and Katniss could tell that Prim was itching to tell everyone about their new home and her brother-in-law.

"Oh, Katniss, aren't you happy to be married to Peeta?" Prim asked with a twinge of sadness in her voice.

"Yes," Katniss replied automatically, not wanting Prim to think that she was unhappy. _Am I happy? Well I'm certainly not upset about it._ The fact that she was now Peeta's _wife_ had not sunk in yet. Since everything had happened so fast she was still in survival mode, struggling to make sense of it all.

"Katniss, just think about it," Prim happily exclaimed,"we get to eat sweets everyday!"

After dropping Prim off, she walked to the bakery and entered the back door. Peeta's employee, Thom, a boy she used to go to school with, gave her a surprised look and a hasty greeting of, "Hello, Mrs. Mellark, congratulations on your marriage. Mr. Mellark will be up shortly." He then left her alone, and a little bewildered, waiting for Peeta. It was all still so new, and it took her a few seconds to realize that Thom was referring to her – she was Mrs. Mellark now. Moments later Peeta arrived carrying a large sack of flour on his shoulder, demonstrating how strong he still was despite his past injury.

"Good morning, Katniss. I see you made it." He greeted her warmly, sat the bag down on the counter and motioned for her to sit on her usual bench. "I didn't know if you'd come or not."

"I almost didn't make it," Katniss joked. "I'd still be trying to figure your fancy kitchen out. Thankfully, Mrs. Seeder came by to check on me before she went to her other job. She's a very nice woman."

"Yes, she is. She started to work for my family while I was in the Army, after my mother died," Peeta explained. "She comes in the afternoon and keeps house and cooks my dinner."

"Maybe she can teach me how to cook," Katniss teased. "My mother gave up on me years ago. I was always better at helping Papa."

"Yes, he always said he was prouder of you than any father could be of a son," Peeta reminisced as he poured her a cup of tea, before sitting it in front of her. "He loved you and your sister very much." Katniss just nodded in reply, and Peeta took the hint that her father was something she was not yet ready to talk about so he switched topics. "So, I was thinking that we should go to the general store later and you could pick out some material for new dresses for you and Prim. Annie gave me the name of her seamstress."

"Peeta, I don't expect anything more from you," Katniss pleaded. "You've done so much already. I can't accept anything more."

"Yes, you can," his words were immediate and kind. "How many dresses do you own?"

"Three," Katniss begrudgingly admitted.

"And, just how long have you owned the one you're wearing now?"

Katniss looked down at her calico print dress and tallied the years in her head. "Four years."

"Now, what would people think of me if I didn't provide my blushing bride with some new clothes and you ran around in those patched up overalls?" Peeta questioned, his tone a mixture of seriousness and teasing. "I would be considered stingy. So, let me do this for you and Prim. Besides, you look like you're twelve in that dress. People are already going to be talking about our difference in age to begin with, I don't want it to look any more obvious than it already is. I feel like William Randolph Hearst with Marion Davies when I stand next to you."

Katniss nearly spit out her tea giggling. "Believe me, you are a hundred times more handsome, far more desirable, and our ages are much more compatible than that." Suddenly she felt shy and turned away so Peeta could not see her blushing.

Peeta looked at her with a taken aback expression on his face for a fraction of a second before playfully replying, "Well, I'm glad I've got something on a seventy-year old man".

"You're nowhere near old, Peeta. You've got a lot of life ahead of you yet," Katniss said warmly.

"I don't know about that. There are days I feel like Methuselah," Peeta sighed.

"Well, don't feel special. I've felt like that for the past year," she commiserated.

Peeta looked at her for a moment, his expression soft. "Katniss, I do have a request when you go to pick out your clothes."

"Alright, what's that?" Katniss inquired.

"Have Portia make you a couple of pairs of trousers to wear around the house," Peeta grinned and gave her a wink. "You know, to make up for the overalls. I know that you prefer them anyway."

The only reply Katniss could give him was a smile. He knew her so well. As she sipped her tea and reflected on this, she realized how little she really knew about him.

Church that first Sunday was interesting, to say the least. Katniss had never felt so nervous in her entire life. Miss Portia happened to have some dresses on hand that she'd made for another client who wasn't able to pay and gave them to Katniss at a good price. Her brand new grey, plaited skirt and matching coat was the nicest outfit that she'd ever owned. Peeta had even surprised her with a new, narrow brimmed, black felt hat. While Pastor Templesmith preached, Katniss could feel people watching her and Peeta, and not the Pastor. She held his hand for many reasons; one was to still her shaking hand, another was because she didn't want to let on that their marriage wasn't real. The biggest reason, though, was that Peeta could make her feel calm as no one else could. Peeta was charming; he beamed and responded to all the congratulations that were offered. The men slapped him on the back with a wink. Most of the women gave Katniss calculating looks, out of shock, jealousy, or judgment Katniss didn't know – and she was sure it was not worth trying to figure out. The fact that they had gone to the Justice of The Peace and didn't have a church wedding caused a bit of a scandal. Katniss could tell everyone was looking at her, trying to judge if she was with child. She wanted to tell all of them that if her belly looked bigger it was only because she'd gorged herself on Peeta's delicious pancakes and maple syrup before church.

The rest of Sunday was spent with Peeta helping Katniss in the kitchen as Prim played with Buttercup. After they ate dinner, they sat in contented peace listening to the radio. Peeta brought out his sketch book and Katniss watched him draw a picture of Prim and her cat. Katniss had known that Peeta could draw, he had some water color landscapes hanging in the bakery, but she had never gotten to see him work and was amazed by his talent. Her new husband had impressed her yet again, and she found that she enjoyed learning about the things that she hadn't known about him.

The days passed and their little, unexpected family fell into a routine. Peeta went to work well before dawn, and Katniss made breakfast and packed lunch for Prim when they woke. After walking her sister to school, she would go to the bakery and have a cup of tea with her husband. This was the one part of her life that had not changed - her half-an-hour with Peeta was often the highlight of her day. When Peeta returned to his duties, she would go to the lonely house. She ached for something to do, but Mrs. Seeder kept the house tidy so there was little to clean. This didn't stop her from trying though, and Katniss would try to find things to dust and mop out of sheer boredom. Peeta would sometimes come home for lunch and she would try to cook for him, but more often than not he would do the cooking because he was used to doing it and much better at it. Mrs. Seeder came in the afternoon and showed Katniss how to keep the house and demonstrated how to prepare meals. She was a patient woman, but Katniss knew her presence was wearing on her nerves when she suggested to Katniss that she start calling on other wives in the afternoons. Peeta came home, often walking with Prim on her way home from school. The three of them would all eat dinner together, then listen to the radio. Prim had found a copy of _Anne of Green Gables_ and Peeta would read her a chapter every night. It warmed Katniss's heart to watch them, and they looked like a picture-perfect family in an advertisement. Lastly, Katniss would tuck Prim into her bed and Peeta would wish them both a good night.

The only days that were not like this were Fridays. Peeta would leave in the early afternoon, stating that he had "business," and he would not return until late at night. Katniss wondered what he was doing, but did not feel it her place to ask.

It was about three weeks into the marriage when Prim asked one night, "Why don't you sleep in the same room as Peeta?"

The question caught Katniss off guard. "I-uh…"

"I asked Peeta earlier, he said it was because he snores so loud," Prim continued sleepily, "but I think he was joshing me. I like him Katniss, he's nice. I'm glad he never got married before you. I want you to have a baby soon so I can play with it. I like babies. I hope it has pretty hair like him and big blue eyes…" Prim's rambling slowed as she yawned.

"Come on little duck, say your prayers, and let's get some sleep," Katniss told her sister, who was obedient enough to comply and drop the subject.

Katniss walked to her room and thought about what Prim had said. She'd been a married woman for three weeks and had yet to be properly kissed. _Do I want him? Does he want me? Was the "marriage in name only" to protect her or him? I may be naïve, but even I know that it would be nearly impossible for a man to keep away from his eighteen-year-old bride._ She measured the things she knew about Peeta; he was a war vet and he had once been nearly engaged, although he had never spoken to her personally about those things. She knew that he was affectionate with both her and Prim, although differently. With Prim he was fatherly, patting her on the head and occasionally wrapping his arm around her while she sat next to him reading aloud. With Katniss he would brush the stray hairs behind her ear, they would hold hands more often than just taking his arm, when she was in his way he would move her by lightly gripping her around the waist and lingering longer than necessary. He would hug her several times throughout the day, and slowly his kisses had migrated from the top of her head, down to her cheek and now were coming dangerously close to her mouth. A few times, Katniss had to fight the urge to turn her head slightly, for she didn't know if it would be welcomed or not. After all, Peeta seemed to be the one setting the boundaries in their relationship.

All of these conflicting feelings were not being helped by fact that she'd just finished _Jane Eyre_. Although the sweet and kind Peeta was nothing like the moody Mr. Rochester, Katniss could not help but to compare her situation to that of Jane. A lonely, eighteen-year-old girl is thrown into a house with an older man whose past is mysterious, yet she is drawn to him. A man who treats her as an equal, like she's someone to be cherished; well, Peeta treated her like that most of the time. At other times he treated her like a child, almost as if he was sheltering her and keeping her at arm's length.

That night Katniss found that sleep was eluding her and she spent quite some time staring at the ceiling when she heard a commotion from the room beneath hers. She put on a robe and quickly descended the stairs. She could hear Peeta's muffled voice and it sounded full of pain, so she knocked and called his name several times before finally opening the door. Peeta lay on his bed, very much asleep but visibly agitated and calling out names that she didn't recognize. "Mitchell! Boggs! Leeg! Wake up! Get out of here– go, there's a bomb!"

Katniss rushed to him, turned on his bedside lamp, and kneeled on the bed to try and shake him awake. "Peeta, wake up, Pe-"

Peeta's eyes shot open and he grabbed her by the shoulders and quickly rolled himself on top of her. Katniss gasped, shocked by the sudden action and position they were in. His face was full of anguish, but Katniss could tell that he couldn't see her, as he was elsewhere in his nightmare. "Mitchell, don't," he sobbed, "please don't die!"

"Peeta, please, it's Katniss," she gasped as his large frame crushed hers, "your wife! Wake up!"

Finally, Peeta's eyes cleared and he became aware of the petite body that lay under his. He released her and sat up, pulling her into a sitting position as well. "Katniss, what are you doing in here?" he asked, his sleep-muddled brain confused to find her in his room.

"I couldn't sleep. Then, I heard you and I tried to wake you up," she shakily replied.

"I'm so sorry, Katniss," he whispered as he pulled her close and embraced her. She returned the hug, wanting to comfort him as much as he wanted to comfort her. "I usually don't wake up during my nightmares. I'm sorry, that one was really bad."

"Shhh, it's alright, I wanted to wake you up," she soothed. "I know when I dream of Papa's accident I just want someone to get me out of it. I can't stand to relive it."

"Thank you," he said and released her from the hug and rested his forehead on hers. Katniss leaned into him, enjoying the moment of closeness. Suddenly, he pulled away. "Oh Kitty, excuse me, I apologize."

Katniss didn't know what he had to be sorry about until he reached for his shirt off the nightstand – he had been shirtless the whole time, and she hadn't noticed. She tried not to look at him, but could not help but peek. Katniss admired the broadness of his shoulders and the trail of fair, coarse hair that disappeared into his pajama pants. He caught her staring and blushed, "Well, I suppose that you should try to go get some sleep."

"Alright," Katniss agreed softly and got up. She felt a bit dejected, but she didn't know why. When she was nearly to the door she turned and said, "Peeta, you can tell me about it if you like. It might help if you told someone."

"Thank you, Katniss, but I can't burden you with that," he said with a bittersweet smile.

"Can I at least stay with you until you fall back asleep, then?" Katniss asked, surprising even herself.

"Why do you want to stay?" he inquired, clearly confused.

"Because I can't leave you alone to fight in the dark," she confessed. "Please, to use you words, it will do my heart good."

Peeta looked her up and down with an expression on his face that she'd never seen before. He seemed to be having an internal conflict. Finally he smiled slightly, "Okay," he said and patted the side of the double bed, "if you insist."

Katniss took off her robe, turned off the lamp, and crawled into the bed. This was the first time she had shared a bed with anyone other than Prim, yet she wasn't nervous. They both lay on their sides facing each other, neither one knowing what to do next. Katniss reached out and took his hand and interlaced their fingers. Sleep came quickly afterwards for both. She had slept so soundly that she did not even stir when he left in the morning. When she finally did open her eyes, she found a note lying on his pillow, which smelled so wonderful – vanilla, cinnamon, and a manly combination of his aftershave and soap. It was the scent she always associated with Peeta.

_Thank you for not leaving me alone in the dark. –Peeta_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please remember all reviews and comments are welcome!
> 
> Upcoming next chapter: Trampy Effie Trinket!


	4. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all of you who have reviewed, favorite-ed, and followed. I am surprised and honored at how well received this story has been, on both Ao3 and ff. 
> 
> Thank you to kismet4891 and katnissinme for being such wonderful betas.

 

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 4**

Katniss had hoped that something might have changed between them. Although she didn't know what exactly, she anticipated something would be different after spending the night in his room. When she went to the bakery to visit him later in the morning, Peeta acted as if nothing had happened. She decided that she needed a change in her routine, so she thought that she would take 's advice and go and call on Mrs. Odair. Annie had told her to stop by anytime anyway.

"I was thinking of visiting the Odair house later, and I thought that it would be nice if I brought over a treat for Annie," Katniss told Peeta over their daily cup of tea.

"I'll make you some oatmeal raisin cookies then," Peeta suggested with a smile. "Finnick said that she has been craving them lately. I can bring them to you at lunchtime, before I leave."

Katniss's heart sank a little. "Oh, that's right, it's Friday. You won't be back until late, right?"

"It won't be too late tonight, I hope," Peeta said in reply as he started to clean up the tea cups and wipe up the crumbs from the cheese buns.

"Where do you go, Peeta?" Katniss dared to ask, her curiosity finally getting the best of her.

"The county seat," he answered, "I have some business there, and it's nothing that you need to know about right now." His words were not cold or mean, but they were authoritative. He was treating her like a child; this was one thing that really bothered Katniss about Peeta.

Katniss could not help but to be upset with him, but she held her tongue, she didn't want to fight with him when he'd been nothing but kind to her and Prim. Besides, she had other worries. She had called the county asylum to inquire about her mother, and been told that they could not comment on Mrs.Everdeen's condition at the moment and that Katniss could not see her yet. She had told Peeta about the telephone conversation, to which he had told her not to worry about it, that he would take care of it, which only irritated her more.

A few hours later, Katniss, for the first time by herself, successfully made Peeta's lunch. He praised her with an intimate kiss on her neck as she washed up, sending a pleasant shiver down her back. Over lunch he suggested that the following day the two of them go Christmas shopping for Prim. Next, he cleaned up, putting on his good suit, and left for the county seat, leaving Katniss lonelier than she'd ever been and longing for something more.

Katniss walked to the Odair home with cookies in hand. Annie welcomed her happily and shared her cookies over coffee, then she asked Katniss to go with her to Miss Portia's to pick up the christening gown that she'd commissioned for the baby.

Annie had quickly become her only friend in town. A week earlier, Peeta had declined an invitation to spend Thanksgiving with his brothers because they had insinuated that Katniss had married him only for his money, or because she was pregnant with what may or may not have been his child. When the Odairs heard, they had been gracious enough to invite Peeta, Katniss, and Prim over for dinner. Katniss could not remember the last time she had enjoyed herself so much. Finnick and Peeta shared stories of their misadventures as boys. Katniss sat in Peeta's lap as he attempted to teach her how to play gin. She had gotten the hang of it after a while, but she didn't let Peeta know that. She liked the excuse to be close to him; she enjoyed when he wrapped an arm around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder. After much begging from Prim, Katniss reluctantly played the Odair's piano, accompanying herself as she sang "You Made Me Love You (I Didn't Want To Do It)." She caught Peeta watching her while she sang. The look on his face was one of pure adoration, and he blushed brightly when he realized she had caught him.

Katniss learned much about Peeta that evening; he had been at the top of his graduating class without ever cracking a book. The only time that his father ever paddled him was when he and Finnick were eight-year-olds and they hitched the cart pony to the sled, and subsequently rutted up the neighbors' yards. She liked hearing more about Peeta, he was usually so guarded when it came to his past.

Katniss also learned a lot about the Odairs. Annie, like Katniss, was a poor farmer's daughter and several years younger than her husband, though seven years was not as dramatic a difference as thirteen. Unlike Katniss's marriage, Annie and Finnick had been a true love match. She had been his secretary, and it caused a bit of a stir when the most eligible bachelor in the county married his employee, choosing his beloved over some small-town socialite.

Katniss felt true affection for the Odairs. Where Finnick was outgoing, Annie was quite, from the outside they seemed like they were complete opposites but really they complemented each other well. She could help to admire and perhaps be a little envious of the sweet and loving couple.

Inside Miss Portia's, Annie and Katniss could hear Portia with another customer in the fitting room, so they decided to look through pattern books while they waited. The loud voice with a strange accent emanating from the back of the shop sounded like the worst impersonation of an English Duchess Katniss had ever heard. The woman to whom the voice belonged was a sight to see. She wore a tight, black lace dress, layered with strands upon strands of beads, and accentuated with a large red hat decorated with masses of feathers. The woman's hair style was so perfect, stiff, and platinum blonde that it could only be a wig. The worst, though, was the amount of rouge, bright red lipstick, and mascara that the woman wore– she was truly scandalous. Katniss knew instantly who it was; although she'd never seen her in person, she'd heard enough of the stories to know. It was Effie Trinket, the proprietor of the local speakeasy, and about whom it was rumored that she also dabbled as a madam. Or a "loose morals Jezebel" as her Mama would call a woman like that. It was rumored that she had an affair with a very rich, powerful man, whom she subsequently blackmailed into allowing her to run her business uninhibited.

"Well, what a lovely pair we have here," Miss Trinket declared in her fluted voice.

Portia was obviously embarrassed to be caught with Miss Trinket, but was polite enough to introduce them. "Miss Trinket, this is Mrs. Annie Odair and Mrs. Katniss Mellark."

"Oh, how delightful," Miss Trinket exclaimed. "Mrs. Odair , I've met you before. Remember? That charming husband of yours used to bring you to my parties on occasion. I see that you have kept your beauty! Wonderful! So many women let themselves go when they're expecting. If every wife looked as good as you my business would be nonexistent."

"Thank you, Miss Trinket," Annie responded shyly. It was her turn to be embarrassed by an association with the painted lady.

Miss Trinket then turned to Katniss and beamed. "I heard that dear Peeta had gotten himself a baby doll to play house with. My, aren't you lovely? Such pretty eyes, grey eyes are so uncommon…And you still wear a braid? How adorable! Oh, it broke all of my girls' hearts when they heard he married. He is such a darling and a wonderful tipper and..." She giggled a little, then leaned closer to Katniss and whispered, "And very generous in other ways, too, but I guess I don't have to tell you that."

Katniss stood there, mouth agape, not knowing how to respond or even what exactly she'd meant by _generous_. She never even realized that Peeta would ever walk into such a place or be familiar with this sort of woman. _How well does this woman, or her "girls",_ know _Peeta? Was he going to a place like this often? Is that where he was now?_

"Oh my stars, look at the time," Miss Trinket stated when she saw the clock. "Well, I'm hosting a big party tonight and I must be going. It was so lovely to meet you ladies, ta-ta!"

Miss Trinket made a show of putting on her mink fur coat and exited the back door in a grand fashion. Miss Portia was mortified. "I'm sorry for that, she pays well and my business has been slow due to the depression and all…"

"Oh, Portia," Annie said sweetly. "Believe me, we're not going to judge you, times are hard. It wouldn't be Christian to turn Miss Trinket away because of her reputation. Would it Katniss?"

"No… of course not," Katniss said distractedly, her mind was now elsewhere, wondering where Peeta was and why it bothered her so much.

When they got back to the Odair's house, Annie sensed how affected Katniss was by her introduction to Miss Trinket, so she sat Katniss down and tried to talk to her. "I know what everybody says about Effie's girls," Annie explained. "They dance and serve drinks but they don't _sell_ themselves, they're just friendly with men. Katniss, honey, Peeta is thirty-one years old. He is going to have a past, I know Finnick does."

Katniss swallowed and asked, "How much do you know, about Finnick's past?"

"Enough to know that I don't want to know the rest," Annie stated simply. "I don't need to know what he has done in the past. All I need to know is that my husband loves me now, and he lives by the vows that he made to me."

Katniss nodded in response; she didn't know how much Annie knew about their arrangement. _I don't know if Peeta loves me,_ Katniss thought. _I know he cares about me enough to want to keep my sister and me safe, but anything more I don't know._

"Look, I know that Peeta has not had much luck in the way of love, although I don't know what exactly happened," Annie admitted. "But I've seen the way he beams at you at church, and I know that I'd heard a lot about you long before you ever stepped foot into Finnick's office last spring. Finnick used to constantly tease Peeta about counting down the days until your eighteenth birthday. My husband thinks that Peeta truly feels something for you, or else he wouldn't have done so much on your behalf. He has never seen Peeta so taken with a lady before you and they've known each other their whole lives. Katniss, give him some time. This was all very sudden. He maybe older, but this is his first marriage, too."

Katniss thought about Annie's advice, but the more she wondered about where Peeta was the angrier she got. She wanted to ask Annie more about what she'd meant about Peeta being taken with her, but she didn't want to risk speaking anymore for fear of losing her composure. Somehow Katniss was able to hold her temper until Prim went to bed. Trying to give herself something to do while she waited for Peeta to come home, she took a shower. Having indoor plumbing had become her favorite part of living in a "modern" house; all they'd had growing up was a galvanized wash tub. After she stepped out she looked at her body – she was already healthier than she had been when she moved in nearly a month ago. But she was still thin; her arms were muscular, her hip bones poked out, she definitely did not look well-rounded like Jean Harlow. She considered the size of her breasts, and she thought that they were neither large nor small, and seemed to be in proportion with the rest of her body. _Nothing to be overly proud or ashamed of._ Katniss studied her braid in the mirror. _Maybe I still look like a child to him. Everyone always comments on how young I look_. Miss Trinket's comment about her braid stuck with her and she took to playing with her hair, experimenting with different types of buns and up-dos. None of them seemed right, and she was already upset. Finally she gave up and let her hair fall around her shoulders.

She hated the hopeless feeling she had, and she was so confused when it came to her marriage. _Why does this all bother me, do I want this marriage to be real?_ Katniss had never really thought seriously about marriage, at least in the terms of herself being in one. Growing up she didn't obsess over boys like the other girls did; she had been a tomboy in her childhood and boys were her playmates and nothing more. Papa had wanted her to finish high school, so he wouldn't allow courting until she was eighteen. That did not bother her too found boys her age immature and they didn't appeal to her. It's not that she was oblivious to the opposite sex, in fact she did notice them, frequently. All of the girls she went to school with swooned over older boys like Gale Hawthorne. Katniss thought him to be good looking, but his cocky attitude did not endear him to her. Mr. Odair had been every girl's crush, he was very handsome with his sharp suits, slicked back, bronze-colored hair, and piercing green eyes. While Katniss could appreciate him, she thought him too "pretty" for her tastes.

Even as a small child she always been drawn to Peeta's blue eyes and wayward blonde waves, which he refused to slick back with products as other men insisted on doing. His broad shoulders and large capable hands were the epitome of manliness in Katniss's eyes. Despite his scars, she had always found him attractive; to her his scars were a testament of his bravery and willingness to sacrifice for those he cared about. As of late, she found herself admiring the blonde stubble that graced his chin and wondering how it would feel against her skin.

Even if she wanted to move their relationship forward, she had no clue how to go about it. She had to wonder if Peeta wanted her, and if he did why he was not here, trying to woo her instead of being God knows where. She decided to wait up for him to confront him when he got home, sitting on the couch in her night gown and robe. Katniss tried to read scripture in an attempt to calm her temper but it didn't work, so instead she turned on the radio. The raspy voice of Louis Armstrong was playing when the door finally opened at about eleven-thirty. The look on Peeta's face told her that he had not been expecting her to be up. The next one told her that he had definitely noticed that she was in her night clothes and her hair was loose about her shoulders.

Peeta looked exhausted but he still managed to give her a genuine smile. "Katniss, what are you doing up?" Peeta pleasantly asked and approached her and kissed her brow. "I didn't think that you'd be waiting up for me."

Katniss inhaled his scent – it was not the same mixture of sweet smells that he usually carried. He reeked of cigarette smoke, and she recognized the faint trace of whiskey on his breath. It set her on edge. He had been to Miss Trinket's or someplace like it. "I think that we need to talk," Katniss stated while attempting to keep her anger hidden, but it was a lost cause. "Were you at Effie Trinket's tonight?"

Peeta cringed slightly and Katniss could tell that he was trying to decide what to tell her. When his head sank slightly she knew he would tell her the truth. "Yes," he said lowly and Katniss stepped back from him and covered her mouth. He then raised his gaze to hers and explained, "But I was only there for a few minutes. I had a really long afternoon and I needed a stiff drink to calm me." He cautiously approached her, guided her to the couch, and sat them both down, all the while holding one of her hands in both of his. "I'm so sorry that I'm late, I had some unanticipated problems, with my business today and it took far longer to deal with it than expected."

"Oh, you mean the "business" that you won't let me know about?" Katniss snapped at him.

"Katniss," Peeta calmly said. He was trying to defuse the situation. "I tell you all about it someday, but now is not the time. I promise that it is not what it may seem like."

She believed him. He had no reason to lie to her; to her knowledge he had never lied to her, and he didn't reek of the cheap perfume that she had smelled on Miss Trinket earlier in the day. "What am I to you?" Katniss asked when she composed herself.

"Kitty, what do you mean?" he questioned, seemingly perplexed at her question.

"Am I your friend, your charity case," she fought off a sob and took a deep breath, "or am I your wife?"

Peeta, for once in his life, was stunned speechless. This was not the topic he was anticipating.

His lack of reply angered her further. She knew that her response was disproportionate to the cause, but once she started to speak she could not stop herself. She stood and pointed her finger at him. "Peeta, just because I'm eighteen and you're thirty-one doesn't mean you get to treat me like a child," she said passionately. "I was taking care of my family for a year before you came along to _save_ me. I'm old enough to marry, and if I was pregnant with your baby, like half the town and your brothers think I am, no one would think anything of it. To most of the world I am a woman, but to you I'm still the little girl with pig tails."

"Katniss, what has brought this on?" Peeta asked, stunned by her outburst.

"I met Effie Trinket today, and she insinuated that she _knew_ you, as did a few of her _ladies_ , if you dare call them that," Katniss plainly stated. "Now I know what you've done in your past is none of my concern, but I would hope that you wouldn't go to places like that while you're married to me...You know that you could make this marriage real any time you wanted to and then you wouldn't have to go to places like that."

Peeta's eyes went wide in shock and then he whispered in a pained voice, "Kitty, I'm all too aware that you're no longer a little girl. You are not my charity case, and I care for you deeply, more than I can say. But, you don't want me… a scarred man more than a dozen years your senior." He looked away from her, but continued speaking, although his voice was much lower. "Please believe me when I say I want you, I want you so badly it hurts sometimes. But–I'm broken, Katniss…in so many ways. I can't burden you with that, my past, my shortcomings. I care for you too much to make you deal with all of these things."

A realization washed over Katniss. _Peeta feels like he is unworthy of love._ Her heart ached for him; she wanted to tell him so many things but she didn't have the words to express them in a way that would do him justice. Her instinct was to reach out to him and let him know that he was not alone. She trusted her instincts, they'd never lead her wrong before. Peeta was still sitting on the couch, his eyes averted from her. She knelt at his feet and placed one hand on his knee, bringing the other to his cheek, effectively bringing his face to hers.

"Peeta, why don't you let me be the judge of what I do and don't want to deal with," she pleaded with him and then kissed his cheek. She turned her head slightly and their noses brushed. His breath was hot on her lips. She was tired of fighting this urge, _it was now or never._ Katniss pressed her lips to his, all the while aware of the fact that she had no idea what to do beyond this as it was her first stayed like this for a moment before his lips moved against hers. His hands found her shoulders and then slid up to either side of her face. Their lips moved slowly, parting ever so slightly. She wanted to communicate so many things to him: her gratefulness, her admiration, and her growing affection. When Katniss needed air she pulled back slightly before leaning into him, and then nuzzled near his ear and made her request. "All I want is a chance Peeta, please. Give me a chance to really get to know you so I can learn about you and decide for myself what I do and don't want. Perhaps you should reconsider what you want too…We may want the same thing."

Peeta dumbly nodded, with a befuddled look on his face. A moment later he took a deep breath and said softly. "Katniss, I promise that I will tell you everything that you want to know. We have a lot that we need to talk about, but not tonight."

"Alright," She whispered then rose and headed to the staircase and left Peeta, on the couch without another word.

Katniss felt a little relieved. She slowly climbed the stairs, she found herself suddenly exhausted, yet she felt lighter. She had gotten a huge weight off of her chest and gotten a little insight on Peeta's thoughts about her. But one thing ran though her mind. _What did he mean when he said that he wanted me so bad that it hurt?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope that you enjoyed it.


	5. chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to kismet4891 and katnissinme for being such wonderful betas! You guys are the best.

 

**Chapter 5**

Settling into bed, Katniss realized that the interaction between her and Peeta could prove to be a turning point – or not. She took off her robe and tried to settle into bed, all the while listening to Peeta moving around downstairs. In the morning there would be a lot to talk about-– or he might pretend like it never happened. Despite these wisps of doubt, sleep came faster than she thought it would.

As she drifted off to sleep the dream that greeted her was an all too familiar one. It always starts off pleasant enough with Katniss and her Papa feeding wheat into the thresher along with some hayseed farmhands. One of the horses starts to whinny, she turns her head to look at it, and her eyes are off of her father for just a brief second. Papa lets out a piercing scream, he must have tried to dislodge a chunk of wheat blocking the machine with his hand. It was something that he had warned Katniss not to do at least a hundred times over, although he often did it himself. The farm hands are able to stop the machine quickly, but it is too late. Blood is everywhere and pieces of her father are scattered. He holds her hand and she watches the life drain from her father's face. "Katniss," he whispers as he gasps for air, "tell Mama and Prim that I love them…."

"Alright Papa, I will," Katniss promises as she fights back tears.

He looks her square in the eyes. "My pretty girl, I'm so sorry…Take care of them…and –and when the time comes, let him help you, don't be too proud to let him help. He loves you, he really does…I told him he has to wait..."

"Who, Papa?" she questions, not being sure what he is talking about. He isn't making much sense but she knows he is in much pain and dying.

"You know who," Papa smiles and winks, and then gasps his last breath and closes his eyes. Katniss looks around her –she is surrounded by her father's blood. She shakes and begins to scream.

This time, as she made her way out of reliving that memory, she heard a voice call out to her from outside of the dream. "Kitty, wake up, honey," a deep voice called her from her nightmare and strong arms held her tightly. "Katniss, it's a dream, wake up."

Katniss awoke with a start, finding herself in Peeta's arms. Her face was soaked with tears and he was holding her against his chest tightly. She sobbed loudly as he gently tried to quiet her and stroked her hair. "Shh, you don't want to wake up Prim. Come on, deep breathes."

She breathed deeply and calmed down enough to stop crying; burying her head into the crook of his neck she asked, "Does it ever get better?"

"It depends," he replied. "Are you talking about the dreams, or losing your dad?"

"Both," she whispered raggedly, her chest still heaving painfully.

"You'll always miss your father, but the pain will lessen over time," Peeta comforted her, and lightly rubbed her back and sighed. "The dreams will more than likely come and go. There will be times you won't have them for months, and sometimes you will have them every night."

"There was so much blood, more than I remember in my waking hours," Katniss mumbled.

Peeta exhaled deeply. "I know, in my dreams everything is darker and the wounds more horrific than they really were."

Katniss ran her fingers over the scar on his face, which felt like a cord under his skin. She had always been curious about something and in her exhausted state she forgotthat tact would dictate that the question she wanted to ask was inappropriate. "How is it that only your face and your leg got injured and nothing else?" Then she suddenly realized her error and added, "Never mind, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, I'll tell you," he whispered. "I was in the camp with my fellow soldiers. I saw a German plane approaching the camp I started to yell to get everyone's attention. I tried to warn them all… Everyone ran from the camp, away from the bombs, except me. I ran toward the camp to find my friends. Most everyone made it out of there except for my buddies, Mitchell, Boggs and Leeg. They had the night watch the day before so they were sleeping in their tents. When the bombs landed they took out Boggs and Leeg's tent right away, they never knew what hit them. Mitchell had stumbled out of his tent moments before the first bomb hit. Mitchell ran in my direction and then jumped on me to get me down, he was smaller than me. There was a loud blast and debris went flying everywhere. We were caught in a storm of shrapnel. Mitchell had pieces of metal sticking out of the entire back side of his body. His body protected mine, well most of it, and then he slowly died in my arms. He was a good man with a wife and a baby on the way. The war was over a few weeks later." He sighed deeply and Katniss could feel a tear land in her hair. "Mitchell was in so much pain, I tried to carry him to get some help, but my leg wouldn't work, I only made it a few steps before the bone broke through the skin. I've always wondered why I was the one who lived, why any of them had to die like that …" He openly cried now. "We all kept letters for our loved I gave his to his wife, I could tell by the way she looked at me that she was wondering the same thing. They gave me medals and called me a hero, but I never felt like it…So many times I've been told it's all part of God's plan, but that just angers me more."

Katniss ran her fingers through his hair. He must have recently taken a shower because he smelled fresh and clean, not as he had when he had first arrived home. She didn't know what to tell him. She'd had similar thoughts after her father died, when people tried to make her feel better and instead made her more upset. So she just let him cry and she cried with him. After a while they both stilled and snuggled close together, their bodies intertwined. Her single bed was far narrower than his double bed had been the night before.

"Katniss, I promise, no more secrets starting tomorrow. I'll tell you everything you want to know." He kissed her temple, then started to rise.

"No, please don't go. Let's start now," she caught his arm and tugged him a little. "Do you want to stay with me tonight?"

"Yes, I do," he said hesitantly as he played with a strand of her hair.

"Then lie down and let's get some sleep," she urged with a smile. The bed felt tiny with Peeta in it with her. It took some adjusting, but they finally settled with Katinss's back pressed tightly against Peeta's chest as she used his arm as a pillow. The warmth that radiated off his body was wonderful. Katniss fell asleep in the darkness with Peeta filling her every remaining sense. She could feel his strong arms around her, she could hear his breathing even out as he fell asleep, and she could smell the freshness of his soap.

Katniss awoke in a haze, her room filled with daylight, a warm mass on her back, and something hard pressed against her rear. _What in the world was that?_ she wondered, and pushed back against the mysterious object.

Peeta groaned sleepily and whispered dreamily, "Emm, Katniss," then a fraction of a second later, "Damn it!" Peeta gasped and jolted away from her, nearly knocking Katniss from the bed, but he grabbed her and easily pulled her back from the edge. "Sorry," he apologized softly, grimacing, and pulled his knees up in an attempt to hide something in his lap.

"For what?" she wondered aloud, but then she almost immediately felt silly because she realized what had been poking may have been innocent but she had heard enough hushed, giggly conversations between some of the "experienced" girls at the dairy to know what it was. _Well, at least the question of whether he is even attracted to me is answered._ Her curious nature wanted nothing more than to catch a glimpse of what had piqued her inquisitiveness,but instead she forced her eyes to his reddened face. Katniss felt the need to say something to divert his attention from his embarrassment. "You stayed with me," Katniss said softly.

"Yes," he answered with relief and took her hand and kissed it. "I couldn't leave you alone."

Katniss suddenly realized that it was Saturday; Peeta was usually at work till at least noon. "Don't you need to be at work?"

"No," he reminded her. "Remember, Prim is going to play at Rue's house and you and I are going shopping today and I have some other places to take you to if you're up for it. Thom has been working for me for a while now and can handle a Saturday by himself."

Before she could respond they heard a knock at the door. "Katniss, are you awake?" Prim called out and started to open the door.

Peeta's eyes got wide and he quickly buttoned up his pajama shirt. His eyes sought hers as he silently questioned what he ought to do. Katniss gestured for him to stay put where he was in her bed.

"Yes, Prim, Peeta has already woken me," Katniss replied as Prim skipped into the room. When she saw Peeta sitting there she looked at him strangely for a brief moment before smiling brightly at her sister and brother-in-law.

"Peeta, can you make cinnamon toast this morning?" Prim requested, as if the sight before her was commonplace.

"Uh, sure, if that's what you want, Prim," Peeta answered her cautiously; he apparently thought Prim would be surprised by his presence in her sister's bed.

"Yea! I'll go get out the ingredients!" Prim squealed and ran out of the room.

Peeta sat there with a shocked expression on this face.

"It's alright, you're allowed to be in my bed," Katniss whispered, reminding him with a playful shove to his arm, "we _are_ married."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I'm sorry this one was short but the next chap will be twice as long.
> 
> Next chapter…We find out about Fridays!
> 
> I'm on tumblr as izzysamson.


	6. chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you kismet4891 and katnissinme for beta-ing this story for me.

id:8937476  
---  
  
 

**Chapter 6**

Within the hour they had changed their clothes and eaten. Katniss braided her hair, then twisted it in a bun. When they were all ready, they drove Prim to Mrs. Seeder's to spend the day playing with Rue and Peeta and Katniss were on their way to the county seat to go shopping. Along the way Peeta told her stories from his childhood, most of which revolved around his father and the bakery. He told her about confusing sugar and salt, misspelling words on cakes, and hiding in the stock room to scare his brothers. He admitted that his mother had been a harsh disciplinarian, and that he didn't miss her nearly as much as he did his father, which seemed to be as much detail as he was willing to go into. Katniss was purposely staying away from deeper issues as she didn't want to ruin their day.

Peeta took her to every nice store in purchased toys for Peeta's nieces and nephews, and they bought Prim a new coat with matching shoes, a hat and gloves set, a porcelain doll, a book of paper dolls, and _The Wizard of Oz_ book. Peeta was enjoying showering the young girl with gifts, but Katniss insisted no more because he was going to spoil her. He took her to an Italian restaurant for the first time in her life. He insisted that she get chicken parmesan, and with her first bite Katniss was instantly glad he had. Tucked away in the cozy corner of the restaurant they were afforded some privacy, and both Peeta and Katniss enjoyed being able to connect with one another without the interruptions of daily life. This day away from the house and Prim was just what they needed – their ease and comfort with one another increased with each soft word and shy smile. Peeta ordered coffee and a dessert that Katniss couldn't pronounce but she loved. Peeta told her it was a twice-baked cookie.

When the last of their shared dessert was gone, a peaceful quietfell over them. Peeta took her hand in his and started playing with her ring. She wondered what went through his head when he looked at the ring. He must have been reading her mind because he broke the silence by asking, "So what do you want to know?"

"I would like to find out more about who this ring was meant for." Her response was immediate and sincere.

Peeta took a deep breath and stared at the ring, "When I was seventeen I was absolutely taken with the banker's daughter, Clove Fields. She was pretty, smart, well-mannered, she came from a good family, and she was everything that I was ever told that a good wife should be." He looked Katniss in the eyes. "Looking back now, I'm sure it wasn't really love, more like infatuation. I can't remember now what exactly I liked so much about her other than she liked me, or at least was willing to be seen with me, kiss me, and wear my class pin. Then, when I was eighteen, America finally joined the Great War. I was supposed to go to college, but instead I joined the Army. I was young and wanted adventure, and it didn't hurt that everyone made war sound like fun. I was ignorant, and Clove said she thought soldiers were handsome and romantic. I told her that my intention was to marry her someday and Clove promised she would wait for me. The first few weeks she wrote me every day, but over time she wrote less and less. After she heard about my injuries, she stopped writing all together. I knew then it was more than likely over, but in my young mind I thought that if I got her a ring all would be well. This sounds silly now, but in my haste to find happiness I made myself believe that she would see the beautiful ring that I'd picked out for her and she'd agree to be my wife…," Peeta paused and sighed heavily, shaking his head. "But it didn't happen that way. I came back from France on crutches, with a leg that took a long time to heal. I had my father take me to her house, where I found that she already had another suitor there, Cato Billings. He worked in the bank with her father. I said that I wanted to speak to Clove alone. Her eyes betrayed her disdain for my condition, disgust written all over her features. Cato laughed in my face and told me that she didn't want a cripple like me when she had someone like him. She never even spoke to me, let alone laid eyes on the ring. When I got home, the ring went into a drawer and it had not seen the light of day for over ten years."

Katniss didn't know what to say. The image of a younger Peeta hobbling out of a house, broken hearted, saddened her. She scooted closer to Peeta and rested her head on his shoulder. "She was so stupid," Katniss boldly stated as she pressed close to his side, snuggling against him – to make him or herself feel better she did not know.

Peeta pressed his cheek to her hair, obviously enjoying the affection she was giving him. "We were both stupid, but at eighteen most everyone is," he said with a sigh.

Despite her sensible nature, Peeta's comment stung. "Oh? And is that what you think about me?" Katniss urged herself to remain calm and not let on that Peeta's comment about being eighteen, her current age, had hurt her.

"Well, I thought that you were smart," Peeta said half seriously and nuzzling her hair playfully with his nose. "Until you started looking at me the way you do…which I could of overlooked until last night and that kiss. Now, I'm starting to question your intelligence." His words were teasing, but the tone of his voice reflected his hidden concern.

"Peeta, what do you mean?" Katniss wondered aloud, this time the hurt in her voice was noticeable. _Is he questioning my intentions, or does he truly believe what he said?_

Peeta pulled away from her. "You're young, beautiful, and smart, Kitty. You don't want to look at _this,_ " he pointed at the scar on his face, "every day for the rest of your life. You deserve someone young and whole." His voice softened noticeably on the word "whole."

"Do you honestly think that just because someone is younger they would be better?" Katniss inquired of him as she twined their fingers together, squeezing tightly, imploring him to truly hear her when she spoke. "You're so wonderfully good, kind, and very desirable. I don't care about your scar – truth be told I don't even notice it. Do you really think having a limp is something that a younger man wouldn't have? Well, you are wrong. I know plenty of young men who walk with a limp. You're still strong and very capable. I care about you so much, Peeta. I won't call it love yet, I've never been in love to know, but I think it's a strong start."

His jaw dropped slightly and his eyes were wide with surprise, he was totally speechless. The look on his face expressed that he had not expected Katniss's confession. Peeta looked as if he wanted to say something but the waiter interrupted their moment with the check, effectively halting any further conversation. In the car, Peeta asked, "So, have you entertained any thoughts of visiting your mother?"

Katniss knew that Peeta was deliberately changing the subject, she decided to let it drop…for now. Besides she didn't know if she wanted to see her mother. She was upset with her for selling the farm and being so depressed and withdrawn after her father's death. Katniss blamed her for all that had happened – she was the one who had left Katniss to deal with the aftermath all on her own. She looked out the car window and watched the world pass, eyes glued to the passing landscape, when she answered Peeta's question. "I want to know how she's doing. I really do, butI don't really want to speak to her. Even though I would be shocked to find her doing anything aside from staring at the wall."

"I think that we should go see your mama today. I know Prim has been asking about her. You know that Prim will want to see her soon with Christmas coming up. Maybe you should see her before Prim asks to visit her, that way you can gauge how ready your mother is to see Prim," Peeta articulated patiently. His words made sense, but that didn't mean Katniss felt any better about going to see her.

However, Katniss agreed reluctantly and started to yawn. Peeta offered his arm and told her to take a little nap before they got there. Katniss rested her head on his shoulder and fell asleep, not waking until a short while later when Peeta gently shook her looked out the window Katniss gasped, shocked at the unfamiliar landscape. "This isn't the county asylum. Where are we?"

"Well, this is part of the 'no more secrets' agreement. This is where I have been visiting on Fridays." Peeta's admission slipped from his lips coolly.

"What?" Katniss exclaimed. She was confused, as she had clearly seen the words "county asylum" lettered on the sides of the van that took her mama away.

"I went to go see your mother at the county asylum that first week," Peeta confessed. "The place was terrible. I knew of a small, private hospital just over the county line. It's run by a really good doctor, Dr. Aurelius. He is supposed to be a miracle worker. I had her transferred here. I come to see how she's doing every week and talk to her doctors."

Katniss looked at the well-manicured grounds and newly painted building and she knew that the cost to stay in such a place was high. "Peeta, why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to get your hopes up, and I know you would have refused me due to the added expense," Peeta told her simply."You and Prim deserve to have a mother who is well, I want that for you."

"How is she?" Katniss inquired, at a loss for any other words.

"I think you'll be surprised." Peeta smiled.

They were shown to her mother's room by a pleasant nurse who explained that her mother was doing well, but that Katniss shouldn't be cross with her and to avoid mentioning the fact that her father was dead. The nurse introduced her and Peeta as Mr. and Mrs. Mellark. Peeta offered to leave her alone with her mother.

"Please, stay with me," she requested in a whisper and took his hand.

"Always," he replied, and kissed her temple.

Katniss was surprised to see her mother sitting in a chair in front of a window. She looked well fed and healthy, and Katniss could see her mother's eyes truly looking at her for the first time in over a year.

"Katniss, dear," her mama called to Katniss joyfully and opened her arms to her daughter. "Oh, how I've missed you!"

Katniss hugged her and had to choke back tears; she hadn't realized how much she'd missed her mother's voice. They shared pleasant, easy conversation, mostly about how Prim was doing in school and the weather – carefully avoiding all topics that might upset her mother.

Mrs. Everdeen reached for her daughter's left hand, looked at her ring, and sighed dreamily. "Such a pretty ring. Papa always told me that you were sweet on Peeta Mellark. The last time you two delivered eggs to the bakery your Papa said that you hung on Peeta's every word. Then he said, 'I wouldn't be surprised if he asked to come calling when Katniss is done with school'." She turned to Peeta and smiled. "Harland knew when you stopped calling her Kitty that you'd realized that she'd grown up. Oh, Peeta, when Katniss was a little girl, she used to tell us that she wanted to marry Mr. Mellark because he would feed her cookies all of the time and you two could have pretty, blue-eyed babies. Do you remember that, Katniss?"

"Yes, Mama," Katniss said shyly and looked away from Peeta. She was embarrassed by her mother's rambling; she remembered vaguely telling her parents when she was a very little girl that she wanted to marry Mr. Mellark. Yet, that seemed like a lifetime ago. She turned to catch Peeta's eye, he looked perplexed and happy.

"Now, I already told Peeta," her mother continued, obviously still in her dream world, "I must admit that I'm a little upset that you two eloped and that you didn't have a church wedding; my wedding dress would have looked so lovely on you, Katniss. Everyone already thinks that Katniss is a bit wild, always running around in pants and working like a man on the farm. I'm sure that running off to get married has been the talk of the town, but that is for you two to deal with now. If Harland gave his blessing, then I'll not speak against you."

After an hour or so the nurse came back and said that it was time for Mrs. Everdeen to rest. Peeta and Katniss left the hospital without saying much to one another. When they got back into the car Katniss didn't know what to say, she was feeling so many emotions all at the same time. She was happy to see that her mother was greatly improved, but hated that she was living in a fantasy world. Katniss was beyond embarrassed that her mother told Peeta about the childhood crush she'd had on him, although maybe her mother's confession might make him understand that he'd always been something special in her eyes. There was the matter of Peeta keeping this information from her which annoyed her greatly; she should have been a part of the decision to move her mother and been talking to the doctors about her care. Then there was her mother's idle chatter about how her father knew about her and Peeta having mutual feelings for each other. Annie had said something similar about Peeta and how he spoke about her long before his proposal. _Was Peeta the 'he' that her father spoke of when he was dying?_

"Well, that went better than it went yesterday," Peeta's voice interrupted her train of thought.

"What happened yesterday?" Katniss asked shocked.

"Your mom berated me for several minutes for running off with you and not giving your father the chance to give you away. I'm sorry," Peeta apologized. "The elopement story was the doctor's idea, we thought it was a good way to explain why she didn't remember the wedding. Dr. Aurelius thinks that we can start telling the truth eventually, but right now we need to humor her until she's a little stronger. But hopefully you can see why I needed that drink last night."

"No, it's alright Peeta, that isn't what is bothering me," Katniss said coldly and turned to him.

"Then what is?" he asked cautiously.

"The fact that you moved my mother without consulting me and you insist upon treating me like a child at every turn is what bothers me," Katniss curtly said.

Peeta was at a loss for words. He kept his eyes on the road as he explained. "I was only trying to protect you, Katniss. You've been through so much, I just wanted to save you from having to see your mother in the county asylum, and I knew that you wouldn't let me move her to a better hospital. I knew that your pride wouldn't allow it. So, I took matters into my own hands."

"Well, stop saving me and protecting me! I'm not Prim's porcelain doll. I'm not going to break!" Katniss said exasperatedly. "Let me work with you and let me help, Peeta. I want to be your partner, not your child."

"I will from now on, I promise," Peeta sincerely said, and patted the space between them to urge her closer.

Katniss wanted to be mad at him but she couldn't, he had meant well. She scooted over and Peeta wrapped his arm around her shoulders. They did not speak for several minutes; Katniss was lost in her own head.

"What are you thinking about?" Peeta inquired.

"I'm trying to remember when you stopped calling me Kitty," Katniss answered with a slight grin. "Before you married me, that is."

"It was about a year and a half ago," Peeta recalled, "you were getting ready to start your last year in school. We were having an animated conversation over _The Great Gatsby_. Your arguments were so mature and passionate, I thought it was funny that you couldn't stand Daisy and that Gatsby should have been smart and never loved her to begin with, that she was shallow and silly and deserved her stupid husband. Then you looked at me with those big grey eyes and gave me one of those rare, sweet smiles and I was a goner. Then, every time after that when I saw you, in the bakery or at church, I fell a little deeper. I tried to remind myself that you were far too young for me and that the thought of us was too good to be true. Then a couple of months later, a week before his accident to be exact, your father came in without you and we began to talk like we usually did. Suddenly he looked at me and announced 'I was in Odair's office the other day, and I heard that my girl's name is always on your lips. Katniss will be eighteen in May. Until then there will be no courting her. After that, you're welcome to ask her if she'd be willing'. I think he was giving me permission, but I was so unsure of myself…I still am."

"Why are you so unsure?" Katniss implored.

Peeta swallowed hard as he looked at their joined hands and then to her eyes and earnestly said, "I need you to be sure about what you feel before we take this further. You said at lunch that you felt that you had a 'strong start on loving me'. If we never consummate our marriage, then it will never be real. I truly value marriage, and once we cross a certain line I'll consider us to be married for real. If we do…I don't think that I could ever really let you go. I've been through so much, and I can't go throughheartache again. There have been others since Clove, silly girls that have been passing fancies, snobby women that my brothers' wives had haveset me up of them too serious, but each failed relationship changed me, and I felt nothing for them compared to what I feel for you."

Katniss didn't know how to respond, h. He was confessing that he cared about her, deeply. She hadn't really thought about what Peeta had said the day that they got married, about their union being '"in name only,"' because in her mind she'd never thought about leaving him or having a future without Peeta being prominent in it. He felt like home, and she was content by his side, aside from the times he treated her like a child. She couldn't imagine a better person to share her life with. Katniss knew that the start of the relationship was unconventional, but it had never crossed her mind that it couldn't be successful.

Katniss questioned him, "So what are you saying, Peeta?"

"I'm saying," he said softly, "that I'm afraid that you're confusing a sense of obligation with affection, and until we are sure that we lo-" Peeta stumbled over his words, something he rarely did, before quickly recovering,"I mean, that we want to share our lives, forever, then we shouldn't take this further. I think you should take a while and think about what you want from me. If you decide that you only want my friendship, then I'll be fine with that and we'll go on with the original plan of you staying with me until you and Prim could be on your own or until your mother is well. Then, we could get a quick divorce and you could go on with your life and we could still be friends. You'd owe me nothing."

The thought struck Katniss as cold and sad, nearly bringing a tear to her eye. "And _when_ I decide to be your wife and that I want to share your bed for more than sleeping?" she asked in a sure but soft voice.

The entire time she spoke, Peeta held eye contact with her, dropping them only slightly before looking up again with an intense stare, "Then everything will change."

The remainder of the trip was silent. Katniss was trying to think of ways to convince him, and perhaps herself, that what she felt for Peeta was genuine.

"Peeta," she said as they pulled into their own driveway, "if Papa, hadn't died, would you have come calling?"

"To be honest, I don't know. I spent the whole summer trying to work up the nerve to ask you to step out with me," Peeta admitted. "I was afraid that you would reject me and then you wouldn't come back to the bakery to trade. I knew that you relied on what you got from me. I wanted to help you more, but I also knew that you wouldn't allow it. I admire that about you, but it makes it really hard to approach you."

Katniss knew that to be true; if Peeta had tried to assist her more than he already had then she would have avoided him out of pride. Mama and Papa always said that her pride was her greatest weakness. "Why don't you court me now?" Katniss suggested. "We can pretend that we're not married and that we're just two people who enjoy each other's company."

"Isn't that what we have been doing?" Peeta chuckled.

"I suppose it is," Katniss smiled. "But, I mean that you could allow yourself to think about me like you would any other woman that you would date."

"How do you know that I already don't?" Peeta challenged.

"You do sometimes," Katniss admitted. "That's when you call me Katniss. Then there are the times you call me Kitty, which I _hate_ by the way. That's when you're trying to tell yourself that I'm a child."

Peeta cringed, knowing that he'd been caught. "I suppose I do do that." They both laughed a little, until Peeta became serious again. "Katniss, if we are going to 'court', then you're going to have to stop coming into my bed and inviting me to stay in yours. I'm not as pure as you are, I really don't trust myself to sleep next to you and keep your virtue intact. It's kind of like placing a lamb in front of a hungry lion. Please don't come to my bed unless you're staying there for good."

Although she tried to banish the image, the thought of Peeta pouncing on her like a wild animal sent pleasant shivers down her spine; in fact, it excited her in a strange, new way. She was becoming less pure the longer she was with Peeta, and she felt quite alright about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope that you enjoyed it!


	7. chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to express my gratitude to my wonderful betas kismet4891 and katnissinme. Thank you so much for all of your help and guidance!

 

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 7**

Thanksgiving came and went and in early December Peeta insisted that they get a Christmas tree, although Katniss thought that it was far too early. By the time it was all decorated, the tree was the most beautiful Katniss had ever seen. She’d never had anything like it before. Peeta and Prim must have spent two hours picking out the “perfect” tree. He bought strands of colored electric lights and brand new glass bulbs to put on it. Katniss and Mrs. Seeder strung up cranberries and popcorn. Katniss didn’t know who was a more blissful child, Prim or Peeta. It amused Katniss to see Peeta and Prim’s joyful faces as she watched him lift up Prim to place the star on top, even though he was more than tall enough to do it on his own. Mrs. Seeder commented on how she’d not seen Peeta so happy since his father passed away, and that it was all Katniss’s doing.

Katniss and Peeta now had an understanding, and the name Kitty never passed his lips. They spent more time together and after much debate, Peeta finally gave her tasks to do at the bakery. Katniss was happy to finally have something to fill her idle hours. She washed windows, scrubbed the counters, and did other housecleaning chores. When she efficiently finished the work, Peeta showed her how to do inventory. They didn’t get a lot of alone time at the bakery, but they enjoyed being in close proximity to one another. Sometimes in quiet moments they would share chaste kisses, most initiated by Katniss; she could tell that Peeta was holding back. She couldn’t blame him –she knew he had been hurt in the past and still thought that she would ultimately leave. Katniss wanted so badly to prove him wrong, but she didn’t know how exactly to do that.

Katniss had never been the type of girl to swoon with silly infatuations, or to waste her time obsessing over what boys thought of her, the way many of her classmates had. When she did love someone like Prim or her parents, she did it faithfully and completely. But she’d never known romantic love. She admired him, respected him, she wanted to be by his side whenever possible, and the thought of spending her nights wrapped up in his arms was very appealing.  She missed having him in bed with her, even though they’d only shared a bed for two nights. There were many nights that she wanted nothing more than to sneak down the stairs and crawl into his bed, but she decided it was best to respect his wishes.

One evening, in the dining room, Peeta and Katniss were cleaning up after dinner and Prim was at the table working on her homework. Katniss was collecting dishes, Peeta was bringingin a damp wash cloth to wipe down the table, and they passed each other in the doorway.

Prim looked up, grinned and said in a sing-song voice, “You’re under the mistletoe, you two have to kiss!” 

A few days previous, Finnick had brought the sprig of dried greenery and took the liberty of hanging it in the doorway when he and Annie had come over for Sunday dinner. He smiled coyly and said the he was spreading holiday cheer.

Katniss looked at Peeta to see what he would do, as he was usually reluctant to be overly affectionate in front of Prim. On this particular night, though, she was pleasantly surprised when, for the first time in front of another person, Peeta wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close and kissed her sweetly.She wanted nothing more than to embrace him, but her hands will full of dirty dishes. When he was done kissing her she was breathless; they both just smiled and blushed. Peeta offered to take the dishes and Katniss started to wipe down the table. Prim just giggled when she met her sister’s eye.

“What is so funny little duck?” Katniss asked.

“You look like Mama,” Prim managed to say through her fit of giggles.

“I don’t look like Mama at all, I look like Papa. You’re the one who looks like Mama.” Katniss shook her head at her sister’s silliness.

“No, I mean when you look at Peeta,” Prim explained like it was a well-known fact. “You look at him like Mama used to look at Papa, you’re so happy when you’re with him.”

Katniss had never seen anybody as much in love as her parents had been, so for Prim to say that she looked like her mother when she was with Peeta was something big. The realization didn’t scare her like she thought it would, it made her inexplicably happy.

The next day at the bakery Katniss was busy rearranging the display case when a customer walked through the back door. “Katniss Everdeen,” a low voice lilted her name. It was a man’s voice, and he was obviously trying to sound seductive. “My how you’ve grown up.”

Startled, Katniss turned to see who was speaking, finding it was none other than Gale Hawthorne. Growing up his family’s farm had been next to hers. He was a couple of years older than she, and even used to be her playmate until they reached the age when it became difficult for boys and girls to be playmates. Gale was smart and athletically gifted, and had earned a college scholarship to a school several hours away. He’d been out of town for a few years and was as handsome as ever, even Katniss couldn’t deny that.

“Oh, hello Gale, how are you?” Katniss was able to spit out after the initial shock of seeing him for the first time in three years. His hair was slicked back and he was wearing a college sweater and khaki pants, nothing like the farm boy she remembered from her childhood. 

“Good. I’m home for Christmas. I thought I’d surprise my parents with a pie when I got home,” Gale replied, and Katniss couldn’t help but notice that his eyes wandered up and down her body, clearly appraising her, and it made her uncomfortable. It was only then she realized that she was in one of her old dresses with her hair tied up in a handkerchief.

“Oh, that’s nice of you. What would you like?” Katniss said, and went to the display case to see what they had in stock.

“Do you have any apple pie? That’s my mom’s favorite,” Gale told her, then he leaned against the counter so his face was level with hers. “I must say, Katniss, if I would have known how pretty you’d grow up to be, I’d have been back to visit years ago and come every chance I got.”

“The trip would have been wasted, Gale,” Katniss rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“I see that you’re still as charming as ever,” he quipped sarcastically. “So, you’re working for Mellark?”

She found herself grinning as she answered while searching for an apple pie, “I’d like to think that I work _with_ Peeta, not for him.”

“Oh, really?” Gale questioned, it had only then occurred to Katniss that Gale had not heard about her marriage. “It looks like you’re working to me.”

“No, I’m just helping my husband,” Katniss matter-of-factly responded and then looked at Gale, whose jaw had dropped slightly. She couldn’t understand why it made her feel so proud to tell Gale that she was Mrs. Mellark. “Oh, you haven’t heard? Peeta and I got married last month.”

It’s not that she wanted to flaunt her marriage in anyone’s face. It was just that in her small town everyone seemed to know within hours of her nuptials. Katniss hadn’t gotten an opportunity to actually _tell_ anybody that she was Peeta’s bride. Pride swelled within her – she couldn’t help but beam with excitement.

Gale congratulated her, obviously shocked, paid for the pie and left. Katniss walked back into the kitchen, almost bumping into Peeta who was standing on the other side of the door.He wore an almost unreadable expression on his face – a mixture of sadness and adoration. She sensed that he’d witnessed the whole exchange.

“You know you deserve to be with a boy like that, don’t you?” he lightly joked, but Katniss could hear the sadness in his voice. Katniss wrapped her arms around Peeta’s waist and sighed. She hated when Peeta was in one of his self-loathing moods.She knew that in his head he was thinking of her as ‘Kitty’, trying to keep her at arms’ length. She didn’t want to let him do that, she wanted to remind him she was now a woman.

“I don’t know about what I deserve,” Katniss whispered and stood on her tip toes, bringing her face closer to his. “But I know what I want, and that is a man with a good heart and flour on his shirt, not a pompous boy in a college sweater.” Then she pressed her lips to his. This kiss was like no other they’d shared, their mouths opened to each other’s. Katniss felt a brush of his tongue, and responded by opening her mouth wider to invite him in deeper, tangling one of her hands in his hair. He took the cue and his tongue searched for hers and she obliged him, their tongues moving with fervor. After a few moments Peeta backed her into the wall, one hand anchoring them in place while the other was on the small of her back as he pressed his weight against her. One of his knees was pressed between hers, her legs inching apart of their own will, and her body knew what it wanted even if her mind didn’t.  She felt a tingling below her naval that spread lower and lower. The back door swung open and Thom came in from making deliveries. The tangled pair quickly parted and tried to play innocent, which was impossible with Peeta’s ruffled hair, Katniss’s puffy lips, and the blush on both of their faces as they avoided Thom’s gaze.

Katniss stumbled to the storefront to distance herself from the embarrassment of being caught in a compromising position. There were other thoughts and feelings swirling through her mind too, not to mention the damp feeling she now had in her underwear.Peeta was not just affecting her emotionally, but physically. She was slowly coming to the realization that she did, in fact, love him, without question. She knew that Peeta would take some convincing though.

They did not speak much for the remainder of the day, for when they got home Mrs. Seeder gave them the message that Annie had given birth to a son, and that Finnick had invited them to come see the new baby. Mrs. Seeder being the wonderful, insightful woman that she was, had already prepared a meal of ham, potatoes, and green beans for Peeta and Katniss to take over to the Odair house.

They entered Finnick and Annie’s home to see a very proud Finnick cradling a tiny bundle in his arms. Immediately he rose and insisted that Katniss take the already nicknamed ‘Lil’ Finnie’. Katniss had never been one to gush over small babies – she much preferred toddlers – but she could not resist the already chubby-cheeked angel with fuzzy red hair. Prim was of course excited to see the newborn and eagerly presented the Odairs with the gifts that she, Katniss, and Peeta had picked out for the newborn.

Annie had rejected the modern trend of going to the hospital to give birth and instead had her grandmother, who was an experienced midwife, help her deliver at home. The elderly lady insisted that everyone call her Grandma Mags. She would critique Finnick on how to hold the baby, and insisted that he learn how to how to change a diaper. With a not so subtle wink, Grandma Mags even offered up her servicesfor Katniss when she needed them, leaving her speechless. She watched Peeta envelope the tiny newborn in his large hands and was surprised athow natural he was with the baby. After all, he was a bachelor and never would have had much contact with babies. Then it struck her, Peeta was just a sweet and nurturing person, one of the many things she had come to love about him. _If anybody deserved to have a family, it is Peeta,_ Katniss thought. She flushed softly as she realized she wanted to be the one to give him that.

When they got home that night it was already time for Prim to go to bed. She drowsily wished them good night and went to bed carrying Buttercup with her. Katniss and Peeta sat on the couch listening to the radio, propping his injured leg on a foot stool. Peeta was off in his own world, idly playing with his cane; his leg was bothering him due to the cold weather that had recently settled in. Katniss wanted to speak to him and break the awkward tension that had lingered between them since their passionate kiss hours before.

“Lil’ Finnie is the most adorable newborn I’ve ever seen,” Katniss announced, hoping to draw Peeta back to her.

Peeta jolted a little, turned his attention to her and smiled slightly, “Of course, it helps when his parents are the most attractive couple in town.”

“Yes, it does.” Katniss agreed and moved closer to him. He raised his arm to make room for her. She settled by his side, slid off her shoes and tucked her legs under her. Bing Crosby crooned from the radio and Katniss hummed along, snuggling a little closer to Peeta.

Peeta broke the silence. “I never thought I’d see the day where Finnick Odair would be changing diapers and swaddling a baby.”

“Oh, why is that?” Katniss wondered.

Peeta chuckled softly. “That Annie is really something special. The Finnick I knew as a boy never wanted to get married or have a family. He was wild, there wasn’t a barkeep or a loose woman in a twenty mile radius who didn’t know him by name…Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this.”

“Peeta, I’ve heard that both you and Finnick have pasts. You won’t be devastating my sensibilities by telling me the truth about the past. I thought we agreed about that,” Katniss gently reminded him. “I don’t need to know the details, but I would like to have an idea.”

“I know, it’s just that you’re so innocent,” Peeta said respectfully. “I hate to be the one to ruin that.”

“Peeta,” she sighed, and placed her hand on his knee. “I appreciate that you want to protect me, but I’m not as naïve as you imagine me to be. I’ve been having thoughts and feelings about you that I’m sure people like Mrs. Cartwright would condemn me for. I want you to be the one to _teach_ me about what it is that men and women do together. I liked what we did earlier today. I was hoping that we could do it again sometime.” Peeta looked at her wide-eyed. Under his scrutinizing gaze Katniss’ boldness subsided a bit and she blushed.

“Do you really want to know?” Peeta asked, a little taken aback. “About my past, I mean?”

“Peeta, I know that you have been with other women before,” Katniss confessed. “I don’t need a detailed account, but I would like to what has made you who you are. You don’t have to tell me _everything._ ”

Peeta thought about it for a moment, “What do you want to know?”

“How old were you the first time you were with a woman?”

“A few weeks short of my twentieth birthday. I had just gotten rid of the crutches and Finnick invited me to visit him at college. He and his buddies took me to a well-known brothel to play cards. All of the girls fawned all over me when Finnick told them that I was an innocentand a decorated war vet, who had recently been rejected by my sweetheart, and some other things that I’m too embarrassed to talk about. Let’s just say I was a popular man that night, and a tall, blonde, lovely woman by the name of _Cashmere_ offered her services for free. I had a couple of drinks and couldn’t say no….I’m not proud of it. I want you to know that I’ve never paid for affection.”

Katniss ruminated on this for a few seconds. “So were they all like that, I mean women you just met and…went to bed with?”

“No, sometimes, well most of the time, they were girlfriends – I guess you could call them,” he reluctantly admitted. “It was the roaring twenties, and there were girls who were uninhibited. They went to bars and drank and swore. I always looked for girls who lived out-of-town and only wanted to have fun, that way no one knew what I was doing or expected anything from me.”

 “Did you never find anyone with whom you wanted to settle down?” she pondered.

“After Clove I didn’t even want to think about marriage, and the type of girls I spent time with were not wife material. Plus, I was taking care of my dad. He had a series of small strokes about five years before he died, and I didn’t want to drag someone else into that.”

“So what changed, Peeta?”

“My father died. He was my best friend, and I felt truly alone for the first time…and then I fell for you,” Peeta whispered so softly that she could barely hear it. “You made me feel like I could be whole again. I haven’t touched another woman since I knew how I felt for you, it just felt wrong.”

“Oh, Peeta,” she sighed and kissed his lips. “I only want to make you happy.”

“You already have, just by being here, it’s already more than I had ever dreamed would happen,” he said, and nuzzled his face in her hair.

“Can I come to bed with you tonight?” Katniss requested.

He thought about it for a moment, then he replied almost sadly. “I’m not ready yet, Katniss. Just like the first day we were married, you said that it was hard to go from knowing me as Mr. Mellark to Peeta all in one day. It’s difficult for me to go from thinking of you as Katniss to Mrs. Mellark in such a short time. We should do like we said and keep pretending that we’re not married and only courting, just for a while longer.”

“Alright, Peeta, if that’s what you want, we’ll do it,” Katniss acquiesced, trying to hide her disappointment.

Peeta sighed and his fingers found her braid. “I only want to do right by you. I want us both to be absolutely sure first,” he said, trying to convince her or himself Katniss wasn’t sure. His expression lightened and he playfully tugged on her braid. “Come on, let’s get you to bed – your bed.”

Peeta stood and extended his hand to help her up. Katniss wrapped her arms around his neck and brought her lips to his. It was not a frantic kiss like they had shared at the bakery, but a slow and smoldering one. When they pulled back, Peeta stared at her in surprise. She grinned shyly and whispered in reply, “People courting kiss, or so I’m told. Sometimes more, from what I’ve heard.”

“I’ve heard that, too,” Peeta smiled and shook his head. “It’s late and the bakery opens early and I have to take a shower before I go to bed. Goodnight, Katniss.”

Katniss wasn’t sure if Peeta was waiting for a stronger sign form her or if he still doubted himself. So she went to the book shelf and pulled out _Jane Eyre_ and hastily wrote Peeta a note and placed it in the last chapter of the book. She waited to hear the shower turn on and she snuck down to Peeta’s room and placed the novel on his pillow. The note read:

_I think that you need to reread this book. Personally, I think that as long as you don’t have a crazy wife locked up in the attic, we’ll be alright. –Katniss_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. If you are interested I am writing a series of flashbacks, In Name Only Peeta’s POV. As of right now the plan is to post them on tumblr (izzysamson), as I write them and then I will publish them as a one shot later on. Tags- INO Peeta’s POV, In Name Only


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must give credit where credit is due and graciously thank my betas kismet4891 and katnissinme, you guys are awesome!

 

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 8**

 

Katniss watched her breath curl inside the chilly carriage house. The weather was cold and a thin layer of freshly fallen snow covered the ground. It was Saturday, early in the afternoon and Katniss and Prim were mucking out Lady’s stall. Katniss was surprised at how well the silly goat had adjusted to town life, although she knew why. Peeta had built her the nicest goat stall that anybody had ever seen. It was almost sad to think that the goat was living better than a lot of people were at the moment.

“Why do the days before Christmas go by so slowly?” Prim complained as she shook up the fresh straw; with Christmas only days away, the time was creeping by.

“I don’t know Prim, I think Santa slows time down to give the elves more time to get all of the toys made,” Katniss teased her sister, who gave her an annoyed look.

“Katniss, I’m ten!” Prim proclaimed, “I know that Santa Claus isn’t real.”

“Well, how do you know?” Katniss challenged her little sister.

“Because I know of a lot of really good kids who got little to nothing for Christmas last year, and some really bad kids who got a lot,” Prim explained. “The only explanation is that their family gets them the gifts.”

“Oh, Prim, you’re growing up too fast,” Katniss sighed. It saddened her to see Prim being introduced to the cruelty of the world. “But I can promise you that _Santa_ will make up this year for what you missed out on last year.”

“Katniss, I don’t need anything. I’ve got Mama, Peeta, and you,” was Prim’sheartfeltresponse. Katniss was reminded of how happy her sister had been a few days earlier when she and Peeta took Prim to visit their mother. It had been wonderful to watch Prim and Mama talk and laugh like the old days. Katniss nearly cried at the memory. Prim got up from the table and hugged her sister tightly,adding not so jokingly, “Now the only thing I want is a niece or nephew.”

“Oh, you silly little duck,” Katniss laughed.

Katniss couldn’t help but to agree with Prim on the topic of how slowly time was passing.However, for her, time was dragging by for a different reason. It had been a week since Peeta insisted on waiting a while longer. In that time, Peeta had been more open with her and they had shared even more fiery kisses that left Katniss wanting more, even though she still wasn’t certain exactly what more. Peeta was holding back, though why exactly Katniss was not sure.

Every night they would wait for Prim to go to bed and then talk for a little while, just to make sure that she was asleep before they started exchanging kisses on the couch. (For good measure, Katniss had hung some jingle bells on Prim’s bedroom door, telling Prim they were for holiday decoration.) They had decided that the couch was the best place to kiss; Peeta had said that it was the safest place because he did not trust himself in one of their beds. There were nights that Katniss had wanted nothing more than to go and find comfort from her nightmares in Peeta’s arms, but she decided that she needed to respect his wishes. A few nights ago they had even gotten so bold as to lie down together. Katniss had rested on top of Peeta – she happened to be wearing a pair of trousers that night and she was able to straddle his lap– althoughPeeta made them stop when her hips moved over his and she felt his hardness. Katniss was proud of herself to have caused it and slightly annoyed with him for not letting her discover more about it.

One night, as they waited for Prim to settle into a deep sleep, Peeta delved deeper into his romantic past. He revealed that after her painful rejection of him, Clove and her parents had had the nerve to come to the bakery and ask to have Clove and Cato’s wedding cake made, knowing full well that Peeta was the one who did the cakes. Thankfully, his father had refused them. Katniss asked what had happened to Clove, since she could never recall any Billings in town. Peeta told her that they had moved to another town when Cato took a bank manager position. He had not heard anything about them in years.

Another one of Peeta’s past romantic interests was a flapper by the name of Glimmer. He met her while she was a dancer at Miss Trinket’s. She made a game out of marrying and divorcing men with money – by twenty-five she was thrice divorced. Peeta referred to himself as one of her “in between” lovers. He told Katniss that for a long time he preferred relationships like those because they had no chance of becoming serious. Peeta assured her that he’d always been careful and used a barriercalled a condom to keep from getting one of his lovers pregnant, or contracting something _unpleasant_ from them. It stung a little to hear about other women that he’d been with, but Katniss also felt relieved with the knowledge that someone like Effie Trinket wouldn’t be surprising her again.

Katniss and Prim made their way back to the house. Prim stopped and made a snowball and threw it at her sister. It missed its mark because Prim was such a terrible shot.

“Oh, do you really want to start this, little duck?” Katniss playfully challenged. She was happy to have a distraction from her thoughts.

They began playing in the newly fallen snow. Katniss was trying to go easy with Prim, because she was so much better at hitting her target. Katniss had yet to get tagged by one of Prim’s throws. While throwing a snowball at Prim, something hit Katniss in the rear.

“Come on, Prim, I’ll help you get her!” Peeta’s jovial voice rang out just as the snowball connected. He must have just arrived home from the bakery. Katniss turned to see her husband already preparing another snowball.

 “So you’re going to take her side?!” Katniss asked in false surprise.

“Yep,” he replied with a chuckle before hitting her in the shoulder.

“Alright, just be prepared,” Katniss warned him, “I won’t go so easy on you!”

“I’d like to see that,” Peeta teased. Katniss quickly gathered a large handful of snow and then threw it at Peeta, hitting him square on the chest. A look of feigned shock covered his face and then he called out in an overly dramatic tone. “Prim, come over here, I’ll protect you!”

Prim giggled and ran to Peeta. He motioned to her to stand behind him and he told her, “Make me some snowballs, please.” Prim obeyed and started to prepare snowballs for Peeta.

“Hey, you too little duck?!” Katniss gasped, “Whose sister are you again?”

“Sorry, Katniss,” Prim said not so sincerely, “but he makes me cookies and you don’t.”

For several minutes they played together, laughing and shouting. Peeta was able to throw more snowballs, but Katniss was agile enough to dodge at least half of them. Katniss was very accurate and was able to hit Peeta or sometimes Prim almost every time. She couldn’t help but notice how young and carefree he looked as they played. He had lost his hat and his hair was tousled, his cheeks were flushed, and he wore a smile that melted her heart. Peeta hit her high on her shoulder and some of the snow landed on her bare neck. She wanted to exact a playful revenge so she aimed to hit him in a similar fashion. Katniss made a particularly big snowball and quickly released it. Peeta moved slightly and instead of the projectile hitting him in the shoulder it hit him squarely in the face. Katniss heard an “Ufft,” and Peeta fell to the ground, hard, face first.

At almost the same exact time Prim and Katniss called his name. He made no response, he just laid there. Katniss’s heart stopped. _Did I seriously hurt him?_   The image of her father lying on the ground covered in blood flashed in her mind. “Peeta!” she yelled in panic, and then rushed the short distance to where he laid. Prim stared at him and was totally still, apparently shocked. Katniss fell to her knees and started to shake him. Prim watched in horror and tears streaked her face. Katniss turned to her husband and begged, “Peeta, please be okay.” Nothing. She started to pray, really pray, for the first time in ages. “God, please don’t take him, too. Please let him be okay, I love him so much, I can’t lose him, too!”

Peeta shifted to his side, then groaned and took a deep breath before he started to shake. Katniss helped him roll over. “I’m fine,” Peeta raggedly whispered, “I just got the wind knocked out of me.”

Katniss released a quick sob and threw her arms around Peeta. “You scared me,” she scolded him, then her voice again became soft. “Are you alright?”

“Yes,” Peeta replied and sat up with a grimace. “I hit my leg just right, is all. Help me get into the house and I’ll take some aspirin and I’ll be fine.” His attention then turned to Prim who was crying. “Prim, honey, see I’m alright.”

Katniss turned to her sister, too – she had almost forgotten that she had been there with them. “Shh, Prim, he’s fine, see?” Prim nodded and stopped crying. Katniss then decided to give her sister a job to do so she could feel like she was helping. “Prim, can you go get Peeta’s cane from the house?”

Prim ran to the house as quickly as she could, leaving Katniss and Peeta alone. “Are you really okay?” she whispered and hugged him tightly.

“Yes,” he affirmed softly. He paused, then he pulled away from Katniss just enough so he could see her face. “Katniss, did you mean what you said earlier? I mean, what you said about loving me?”

“Yes, I did,” Katniss admitted. Peeta pulled her close and placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

“I love you, too,” Peeta confessed. Katniss opened her mouth to respond, but heard the door and Prim came running out with Peeta’s cane in hand.

Katniss and Prim helped Peeta to the house, gave him some aspirin, and then got him comfortable on the couch, where he spent much of rest of the afternoon Prim clung to him tightly and would not leave his side. They read and drew pictures together. Katniss knew that Prim had been shaken by the day’s events, too, and decided to let Peeta reassure the little girl. Peeta seemed to understand and humored Prim. Katniss kept her distance by preparing meals and doing other chores that allowed Prim and Peeta to spend time together. Besides, Katniss had a lot to think about. She couldn’t believe that they had just confessed their feelings. _How will this change things?_ Katniss wanted things to progress between them, but now that she had taken that step she didn’t know how to proceed from there.

Finally, a little after nine, an exhausted Prim dragged herself to bed, after giving Katniss and Peeta several goodnight hugs and kisses. Katniss had made tea for herself and Peeta and she brought the tray out to the living room where he sat. They sat and drank their tea quietly, both seeming unsure as to what to do or say next. “How is your leg?” Katniss asked, breaking their stalemate.

“I’m fine now, thank you,” Peeta said sincerely. “I’m sorry if I frightened you today.”

“It’s alright,” Katniss consoled him. “And I’m sorry that I hit you.”

“I deserved it, but next time I won’t go so easy on you,” Peeta smirked at her.

Katniss rolled her eyes, “I was the one going easy on you!”

“We’ll have to do it again sometime, to determine a winner,” Peeta smiled, putting his cup down and waving Katniss over to him. She moved toward him and was surprised when Peeta grabbed her and put her in his lap on the couch. He then proceeded to pull the pins from her bun to release her braid and asked her, “What would you like for Christmas? And don’t you dare say _nothing_ because you know you’re going to get something.” 

The sudden change to the unexpected subject surprised her a little, but it was welcome. Katniss grinned because of how well he knew her, predicting perfectly what she would have said. She thought for a few seconds and looked down at the beautiful ring she wore as a symbol of her marriage. A slight frown creased her features; the more she’d learned about Peeta’s past, the more it represented former dreams and lost hope. She knew what she really wanted – a fresh start with a symbol that was only linked to her and Peeta. “I’ve been thinking that I’d like a new ring.”

Peeta looked slightly hurt and then asked, disheartened, “You don’t like the ring?”

“No, I really like the ring Peeta,” her words were sincere. “But really it is only an engagement ring. I would like one of my own, a plain gold band would be just fine. I want something that was meant only for me and tells the world that I’m your wife.”

Peeta looked at her with a soft expression and disbelievingly stated, “You really do like me, don’t you?”

“I more than _like_ you, Peeta,” she confessed with a shy smile, “I thought that we already established that today.” She tried to put into words the pull she felt towards him; the events of the day compelled her to tell him how she felt. She struggled for the words to communicate her all-encompassing want for him. “But it’s even more than that…I _ache_ for you.”

Katniss could feel Peeta’s body stiffen, a tell-tale sign that he was having one of his internal debates.She didn’t want to give him the time to talk himself out of whatever they were about to do. She shifted her face closer to his and Peeta’s eyes darkened as he realized her lips were dangerously close to his. He leaned in, although his lips were stiff. Katniss could tell that he had every intention of making this kiss a chaste one, but that was not her intention. She wanted to experience that same intense feeling that they had shared so often as of late. Katniss wanted him to feel how much she loved him. She thrust her tongue into his mouth – it took a second or two for him to respond, but then he emphaticallydid. His hands found her waist and he pulled her hard against him. Her body was twisted uncomfortably so she moved to straddle his legs, but found that her skirt restricted her movement. _Damn skirt!_ Katniss broke the kiss only long enough to hike up her skirt to just below her rear and straddle his lap.

When Peeta realized his legs were between hers and he could see the tops of her garters, he released a strangled cry, “Katniss!”

Katniss shushed him by reclaiming his lips and they kissed deeply. Peeta became bolder and allowed his hands to roam; they ran up the backs of her thighs, and ghosted over her breasts, causing her to groan throatily – she wanted more. She released a few of her blouse buttons to make her more comfortable and so he could have a partial view of her new brassiere.

Peeta licked his lips, slowly skimming his hand over her stocking-clad thigh, and found where the garter attached to the belt. “Katniss, have you ever…touched yourself?” His voice was heavy and husky, his words a mere whisper between them.

“What do you mean?” she asked, confused by what he meant.

“I’ll take that as a no.” His voice was suddenly shy. “I can take care of that _ache_ for you, if you’ll allow me.”

“Alright,” she responded hesitantly. Peeta urged her to stand, and her skirt bunched up above her thighs, saving her modesty for the most part.

“You’ll have to take your underwear off, but you can leave everything else on,” he huskily whispered, and she slowly started to push them down. Once they were below her skirt, Peeta helped take them off the rest of the way and set them on the floor. Katniss resumed her position straddling his lap and he kissed her again, only this time more slowly. His hand inched up her thigh,getting increasinglycloser to her center. She shivered when she felt his fingers brush against her thatch of hair, and she surprised herself when she became even more aroused, not thinking that was even possible. “Are you alright with this?” he asked and looked her in the eyes.

“Yes,” she hissed. She knew that she should be nervous, but she wasn’t at all. She trusted him more than she had anyone else. She wanted it, desperately, and only from Peeta. Although she did not know exactly what “it” was, but her body seemed to.

Peeta kissed her neck and his fingers touched her folds. Hegroaned when he came into contact with the abundance a silky fluid pooling there. “Dear, God!” he exclaimed in response to the discovery. She moaned in response, emboldening him, and he began to explore her further. He hit a spot that made her gasp so he stroked it. Peeta covered her mouth with his to quiet her, only to have her kiss him furiously. He paused his actions for a moment and she could tell he was thinking about something, hesitating.

Her frustration was growing; they had both confessed their feeling. _Is he still unsure?_ She wanted to let him know that she was comfortable with whatever he wanted to do to her. “Peeta, please,” she whimpered.

He cautiously inserted one finger and worked it in and out of her. She gasped a little at the unexpected sensation.  When she relaxed some, his other hand joined in by rubbing the spot he had found earlier, and she moaned softly. “Oh, God, you’re so beautiful…Kiss me, Katniss,” he instructed her sweetly. She kissed him and tangled her fingers in his hair, rocking her hips in rhythm with his ministrations. Her body tensed up, mimicking a coiled spring deep within her. Katniss forced her eyes shut, focusing on the intense feeling, when finally it snapped. Peeta swallowed her moans of pleasure as her release reverberated through her body and moved his hands to embrace her when she slumped against him. They both tried to catch their breath and clung to each other. Finally Katniss rose and let her skirt fall back down. Peeta opened his arms, silently inviting her to sit in his lap, which she did, legsin his lap, and resting her head on his shoulder.

“Was I too rough with you?” he finally asked.

“No, that was wonderful Peeta,” she replied contently. She hadn’t even known that her body was capable of something like that. “Does that happen every time?”

“I will do everything in my power to make sure that it does,” he softly said, and gave her a boyish grin. Katniss loved that he looked so relaxedand happy.

Katniss shifted and felt his hardness pressing on her hip. Feeling bold after her euphoric high, she reached her hand between them, biting her lip as she stroked him with one finger. Peeta made a noise that was somewhere between pleasure and pain. “Katniss, I-I can’t, not yet, we should wait,” he told her reluctantly.

“Peeta, I want to see it, please?” Katniss playfully pleaded. “I’ve never seen one like _that_ before.”

“How many have you seen?” Peeta chuckled slightly.

“I’ve babysat and changed diapers,” Katniss enlightened him. “Plus I played with all of the neighbor boys until I was nearly a teenager, and most little boys don’t care who sees them pee. Besides, to them I was nothing but a boy in braids.”  

“You’ve seen Gale Hawthorne’s?” Peeta said in disbelief with a slight tinge of jealousy.

Katniss laughed, “When I was seven! And I always turned away, it was a revolting sight at that age, although I was kind of envious that boys could pass water like that, it’s so convenient. Men are so lucky, to have their _thing_ on the outside.”

“Well, it’s not so wonderful all of the time, like right now and other times when I’m with you I find it hard to control myself,” Peeta told her honestly with a chuckle. “I’m afraid of embarrassing myself when I think about you.”

She started to run her hand over it again. Peeta must have finally decided to surrender because he let his head fall back on the couch. It had softened some since the last time she had touched it, but she could feel it harden again as Peeta groaned. It sounded almost painful. “Does it hurt?” she asked innocently.

“Sometimes, if it has been hard too long,” Peeta hoarsely explained.

“What makes it go away?” Katniss curiously inquiredand cupped him with her hand.

“I have to think of something else,” Peeta admitted, his face a little red.

“Like what?” Katniss wondered aloud.

“I recall recipes or think about something like that long hair that grows out of the mole on Mrs.Cartwright’s chin,” Peeta said with smirk as he watched Katniss toy with his length.

Katniss giggled, “Does that work?”

“No, not always,” Peeta admitted. “Other times I have to do the same thing to myself that I did to you a few moments ago.”

“Peeta, show me please?” Herplayfulness earlier had dissipated and he could see the desire in her eyes. “Can I do it for you?” she added in a whisper.

“Alright,” he whispered and complied; he couldn’t deny her. Peeta unbuckled his belt, pushing his pants and underwear down just enough to allow her access. Her fingers ran up and down his length and over the head; she enjoyed the foreign feeling of his member.The hard yet velvety texture amazed her. Katniss looked him in the eyes for a brief moment with a ghost of a smile on her lips and wrapped her hand around it as best she could.It was so thick that the middle finger of her small hand could just touch her thumb. Peeta took a sharp breath and asked her in a thick voice, “Do you know what will happen if you keep doing that?”

“Yes,” she said a little unsure of herself, “You’ll spill your seed.”

He nodded and looked a little relieved that he would not have to explain that to her. “Is that alright with you?...Because if it isn’t, you’d better stop now,” he kindly informed her.

“No, I want to,” she assured him with a smile. “Tell me how.”

“Grip it a little tighter,” he whispered, and she complied, although a bit too much. “Ahhh, but not too tight,” he told her with a grimace, and Katniss loosened her grip a little. Peeta then urged her, “Good, Katniss… _so good_ … and now, move your hand up and down.” Peeta guided her, and she added her other hand in an attempt to cover his entire length. He used his hand to help her set the pace. He watched in awe as long as he could before he closed his eyes and threw his head back, moaning her name softly.

“Katniss, it’s going to happen…,”he warned and placed his hand over the tip. Katniss wondered why he would do that, but her musing was answered when he groaned deeply and his member throbbed in her hand.A white, thick liquid expelled from the tip. Now she understood why he did that, to keep himself from messing their clothes or the couch. She reluctantly let him go and smiled at him shyly, trying to hide her sense of accomplishment as he cleaned himself off with a handkerchief he pulled from his pocket, then dropped it on her discarded underwear.

“D-did I do that right?” Katniss asked bashfully.

“Katniss, you did that wonderfully,” he praised her, causing her to blush brightly and hide her face in his shoulder. Peeta wrapped his arms around her and held her tight and they sat like this for a while, Katniss getting drowsy in his arms. He broke the silence and said softly, “Christmas.”

“What?” Katniss asked sleepily, not entirely sure of what he was talking about.

Peeta pushed her back so he could look her in the eye and elaborated, “We know how we feel now, and we can make it official…Christmas, you can start sleeping in my room. You can become my wife for real then.” 

It took a few moments for Katniss to process what he had just said. She was confused, she wanted to start immediately. “Why can’t we start now?” Katniss asked with a hint of sadness.

“I want to make it special. It will be like us getting married all over again,” Peeta explained tenderly. “You know?...We’ll have a set date like we arehaving a wedding so we can prepare ourselves. Christmas falls on a Saturday so we’ll have a short day on Friday and we’ll have time to rest on Sunday. It would be like a honeymoon, with the extra time off work. If later, you decide that you’re not ready, we can always wait longer. What do you think?”

“Yes, I’m ready,” she sincerely answered. “I want to be your wife, for real.” 

Peeta gave her a tender kiss. “I love you so much Katniss, I want to take care of you.”

She sighed and told him, “I love you, too. But I want us to take care of each other.”

“I suppose we can do that, too,” Peeta beamed, he looked so happy.

Finally, after a few more kisses, they each trudged back to their rooms. She found it hard to sleep, the anticipation for their _wedding night_ ever present in her mind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, finally, they’re making some progress!
> 
> Thanks for reading I hope that you enjoyed it. If you want more to my tumblr page (izzysamson) to get sneak peeks and to read INO Peeta’s POV flashbacks, (which will be published on ff and Ao3 eventually) there are two up right now.


	9. chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also a huge thanks to my lovely and talented betas kismet4891 and katnissinme, because of them this chapter came together beautifully. Seriously, it would have been a mess without them.

 

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 9**

It was an especially cold and dreary Monday morning. Katniss hated Mondays. She'd had such a lovely weekend with Peeta – well at least Saturday night and Sunday were pleasant. She still felt a little sick when she remembered the sight of Peeta lying motionless on the ground.

Things at church had calmed down; they were getting fewer judgmental looks, and more pleasant smiles and greetings. Apparently there was a new, bigger scandal brewing at the moment. There was a couple in a neighboring hamlet with whom most of the town was familiar that was going through a nasty divorce. Such a thing was unheard of in this area. Katniss had no desire to gossip and no one seemed to be willing to share with her, which suited her just fine.

After church she, Peeta, and Prim went to the Odair's for Sunday dinner. They all took their turns holding Lil' Finnie, who appeared particularly content while in Peeta's arms. On Sunday Peeta held her a little closer and he took every opportunity he had to whisper in her ear that he loved her. Katniss could not recall the last time she'd been so happy. It was very late by the time they had gotten home and had Prim settled in for the night. They shared a few more heated kisses on the couch, but they decided that it was too late to do anything more before they both reluctantly retreated to their respective beds.

The memory of their pleasant weekend made her resent what she was doing now, which was walking Prim to school. She forced herself to listen to Prim's chatter about her school's Christmas pageant, for which Prim had been chosen to be an angel. It was odd to think that not so long ago she had been a student here, too. She wished that she'd been able to graduate. _How would my life have been different if Papa hadn't died?_ Katniss found herself wishing that she still would have been Peeta's wife. _Would I still have felt the sort of anticipation waiting for a real wedding day that I feel now for Christmas?_

Walking Prim to school had become Katniss' least favorite part of the day, not because she didn't like being with her sister, but because she didn't like the way that some of the mothers and even some of the older students looked at her. This year's seniors had been only a year behind her in school and she'd even shared classes with some of them. By the way that many of them , such as Bristel Sacks and Levvy Watts, looked at her while whispering to each other, it was obvious that they were still trying to figure out if she was pregnant or not. Katniss had to admit that she knew what it looked like, a very poor girl taking advantage of a kind, respectable and successful man. Not that Katniss cared about what people thought, although it hurt that so many people assumed that she was so morally loose or that Peeta would marry her only out of obligation or stupidity. Once Katniss got Prim to school she quickly made her way to the bakery, walking swiftly to put as much distance between herself and the negative feelings the school and its students elicited in her as possible.

"There's my bride," Peeta greeted her at the back door with a smile, a chaste kiss on her cheek, and a cup of tea.

"Not quite yet, but soon, Mr. Mellark," Katniss whispered low so only Peeta could hear. "Remember, it is your insistence that is making us wait."

Peeta put an iced Christmas cookie in front of her as he placed an opened-mouth kiss to the sensitive skin of her neck. "Don't worry, sweetheart, I have other things to show you this week."

His husky tone insinuated something that Katniss could not quite place. It thrilled and excited her and she gave him a curious look, hoping that he would elaborate on these "other things."

"You'll find out at lunch," Peeta whispered in her ear before kissing it. The brief touch of his lips on her skin sent a pleasant chill down her spine, although she had no clue what he had meant by his cryptic words.

As she attempted to prepare lunch, Katniss nearly scorched the potato soup she was cooking because of all the possibilities running through her mind. She was preoccupied, trying to imagine what Peeta had planned for them. She racked her brain for what little knowledge of sex she had and came up with woefully little. Other than what they had done the other night and the actual _consummation_ of the marriage she didn't know what else there was to do (truth be told, some of what they had done she hadn't even known was possible). She wished that she could ask her Mama for advice; now that she was a married woman Mama might be more willing to speak openly. Once, a couple of years ago, Katniss had asked her mother what exactly happened between husbands and wives. Mama had been very proper and wouldn't share anything specific, since Katniss was "far too young to know such things."All Mama would say was, "Love making is God's gift to married couples and it should be enjoyed. The first time is painful, but after that…it can be quite nice."

It wasn't exactly the most helpful advice in the world. Katniss had heard other women curse their marital duties. She didn't understand why, as what Peeta had done with her was positively wonderful. Once, during one of Mama's quilting circles, when all of the women thought that the children were out playing, Katniss overheard Mrs. Brutus saying that she and her husband did not share a room so their encounters would be limited. Coincidentally, it was rumored that Mr. Brutus was a regular at places like Miss Effie's.

This brought to memory something Mrs. Sae used to tell the girls at the dairy. "Girls, men are like dogs…," she would say with a wink. "If you take good care of them, they'll never wander to another porch." Katniss finally understood what the cheeky old lady meant – if a woman was affectionate with her husband than he would be more likely to be faithful.

The only thing that Katniss was apprehensive of was the thought of how he was going to fit inside of her. His finger had been a tight fit, and his member was far larger than that. _How in the world does he hide it in his pants?_ Katniss had a hard time not thinking about Peeta and what she had held in her hand. She recalled how warm, silky, and hard it felt and how it pulsed while he called her name throatily. She found herself blushing at the memory.

Peeta came home and gathered her up in his arms, kissing her reverently. "Good afternoon, beautiful," he whispered.

Katniss giggled and rolled her eyes. "You're too kind."

"No." His voice was deep, tone serious. "You are."

Katniss shook her head. She found it hard to take a compliment and announced that lunch was ready to encourage a change in conversation. They sat and ate, and Peeta complimented her much improved cooking skills while they made small talk about the bakery. After the meal Peeta helped her clear the table, even the salt and pepper shakers. Katniss was burning with curiosity, but she did not want to seem too eager. So she decided that she'd causally remind him, "I think I remember you telling me something at the bakery about having something to show me," she said softly, and leaned against the kitchen table next to him.

"So I did, didn't I?" Peeta replied in a husky voice, giving her a wicked grin. Taking her by surprise, he stood suddenly, gripping her around the waist and lifted her to the table. Katniss gasped at the sudden action, confusion showing in her features. Peeta smiled at her and whispered, "I think that I'd like to have you for dessert."

Katniss's jaw dropped. Peeta took advantage of her shock and kissed her deeply. Her knees parted involuntarily and Peeta moved between them. The dress that she was wearing allowed for freemovement and accessibility. His hands were everywhere. They roamed up her arms, down her back, finally cupping her rear and bringing her flush with his body. He was already hard and she could feel him rubbing her through their clothes. Peeta broke the kiss and his hands moved up to the buttons on the front of her dress. "May I?" he whispered as he played with the buttons, tracing them with his fingertips.

Katniss nodded and watched as one-by–one he undid the buttons and then slipped his hand into the dress, placing it over her breast. Katniss bit her lip and silently cursed the brassiere that kept her from feeling his calloused hand on her naked skin. He lightly kneaded her breast and she moaned loudly, surprising herself, so she bit her lip to help keep quiet. Peeta, without ceasing the ministrations of his hands, smiled in response to her moan and encouraged her. "We're alone, you can make noise. In fact, I like to hear you."

Katniss gasped when Peeta slipped his fingers under the fabric and made direct contact with her hardened peak. Peeta sighed heavily as he placed open-mouthed kisses down her neck, "Ahh, the taste of your skin," he murmured against her sensitive flesh. "I love the taste of your skin." His hands snaked behind her and he unhooked her brassiere. With a slow, gentle caress he pushed the fabric up, exposing her to him. Despite his eyes widening, pupils dilating with wonder and lust, Katniss moved an arm to cover herself, self-conscious about it being broad daylight. Peeta stopped her with an awe-filled whisper, "Perfect."

He palmed each fleshy mound, deftly covering them with both hands, and brushed the tips with the calloused pads of his thumbs. Katniss threw her head back, her eyes closing at the sensation of his rough skin against her delicate flesh. She never realized that the mere touch of his hands could cause such a stirring within her and she closed her eyes, allowing the sensations to wash over her. She took in a sharp inhale of air, surprised and audibly gasping when she felt his hot breath on her chest, along with the coarse stubble on his cheek softly scrapingagainst her skin.

When he lightly sucked the rigid peak of her breast into his mouth, goose bumps pebbled her skin in delight. "Dear God, Peeta!" Katniss cried at the feeling, whimpering lightly when she heard him moan in reply. Her head was spinning, delirious with want, and she ached for him to touch her as he had before. She sought relief by rolling her hips against his, but he wouldn't have it.

Peeta's lips quirked up in a mischievous smirk, his voice throaty and deep as he admonished her, "Patience, Katniss. I promise I'll make it worth the wait," before dipping his head back down to her breasts, laving attention equally on both.

Katniss groaned in frustration; she wanted some friction to relieve her aching core. She couldn't even cross her legs because he was between them, yet Peeta was keeping distant from her center. Finally, he worked his way back up to her mouth with his mouth blazing a trail to her lips where he kissed her breathless before asking in a tone that could almost be considered shy. "Katniss, I want to do something with you that I've never done with anyone else. Will you allow it?"

Katniss was a little taken aback by the request and her curiosity was well beyond piqued as Peeta had admitted to his vast experience. _What hasn't he done?_ She only nodded in response since she didn't trust herself to speak, nor did she know what to say.

Peeta smiled broadly before giving her another deep kiss. While their lips meshed, Peeta's hands inched up her skirt and his forefingers hooked her panties, slowly dragging them down her thighs, leaving her bare in front of him. He broke the kiss and looked into her eyes; she knew that he was again silently asking for permission, so she nodded.

"Lay down," he whispered as he ran his hand up her stocking clad thigh, making her skin break out in goose bumps; she willingly complied. Peeta pulled her hips to the edge of the table. The sound of a chair scraping across the floor followed and soon Peeta was sitting down directly in front of her open legs. She was leery and nervous about him being positioned there, and about the fact she had granted him permission without fully knowing his intentions. But her inquisitive nature and desire for him won out.

Peeta brought a leg over each of his shoulders and then pushed up her skirt. "Peeta?" she breathed, her voice barely audible.

"Shhh," he hushed her. "Lay your head back and relax, I think you're going to like this."

She trusted his assertion and shut her eyes, too embarrassed to look and wanting only to experience. Katniss could feel his hands tenderly touch and part her folds and she became acutely aware of how wet she was, how badly she wanted him. She didn't know what to expect exactly, but what came next never even crossed her mind. The short stubble on his face grazed her inner thigh, then she felt… _His mouth?!..._ He had his mouth on the juncture of her thighs, her most private place. Peeta let out a contented moan at the same instant she let out a cry of surprise. _Certainly this can't be right. But it feels too good to be wrong._ With the tip of his tongue he traced a line up over where she was creased until settling on the button of flesh that brought her so much pleasure. He slowly and repeatedly licked the sensitive spot and Katniss squirmed at the sensation, grasping the tablecloth tightly. Peeta gripped her thighs to hold her in place. He was attuned to her body's cues and quickened his pace, exploring her thoroughly, occasionally sucking lightly on that precious bundle of nerves, attending to it the same way in which he had the hardened buds of her breasts earlier.

The tight feeling low in her abdomen was rapidly becoming too much. "Oh, Lord, please!" she whined as her body released with a jolt. She cried his name as she came. When she was finally relaxed enough to open her eyes, Peeta's face greeted her, wearing a proud and accomplished grin on his face. He carefully rearranged her skirt, rose to his feet, and then pulled her into a sitting position, wrapping his arms around her. Katniss felt like jelly and her body was still quivering slightly; this release was even stronger than the one she had enjoyed on Saturday.

"Peeta…th-that was amazing," she sighed contentedly.

Peeta hugged her tightly, replying huskily, "I'm glad. That was my first attempt. I've always heard about it, but I've never wanted to do it to a woman until I started to hold you close. I must confess that it has been on my mind for a while now."

Katniss looked away and blushed brightly as Peeta nuzzled close to her and whispered in her ear. "I hope you know that I had every intention of keeping my word. I would have taken care of you and been your friend and nothing more. In my heart, I wished for what is happening now, but I never expected it…It was too much to hope for."

"No, it wasn't – too much to hope for, that is," Katniss sincerely told him, meeting his eyes with her own. "You are so deserving of love and happiness." Before he could argue she found his lips with hers, enjoying the foreign, earthy taste of herself on his lips. Katniss liked that he tasted of her, her mark had been left on him - proof of how close they'd become.

Peeta pulled back and looked at her, bliss evident. "I think that sometimes I'll wake up and this will all be nothing but a wonderful dream." Peeta chuckled but was almost sad. "Which would be cruel, because I've not had a pleasant dream in years."

"This is no dream, this is very real." She shifted slightly, his arousal prodded her and she realized thatin all of her euphoria she'd forgotten about him. She unbuckled his belt, unfastened his pants, placed one arm around his neck, and with the other she reached in and pulled him out, stroking him the way he had shown her.

"Dear God," Peeta moaned, and rested his head on her shoulder. "Please don't let this be a dream."

"No, Peeta, this is real," she purred in his ear before bringing her lips to his scar, kissing the damaged skin. Katniss worked her hand up and down his length and gasped in surprise when she felt his hand under her skirt again seeking to pleasure her once more. Peeta's earlier attentions had left her sensitive, but when he opened her legs wide and slid two fingers inside her she found herself moaning at the full and pleasant feeling. Katniss worked her hand faster over his velvety skin, hoping that he would take the hint that she wanted the same.

Peeta fingers worked in and out of her, skillfully bringing her close to the edge. Katniss felt herself tighten around his fingers, and moaned his name louder, the astounding release making it difficult to continue attending to Peeta. As luck would have it, she didn't have to continue much longer because she felt Peeta tense up and his breathing became erratic. He tried to warn her but she didn't care, she wanted him to let go. She cupped his tip as he had before. "Oh shit, Katniss!" he spouted while his member throbbed, releasing in hot spurts into her hand. They clung to each other for a few moments and basked in the afterglow of their afternoon of discovery.

Peeta kissed her neck before locating a napkin. He helped her clean off before he reached down and refastened his pants. Katniss started to set her clothing right as well when Peeta finally broke the silence and sincerely apologized, "I'm sorry that I said that foul word."

Katniss laughed, "Peeta, I have heard that word before, it's alright. I'm not some innocent thing that will faint at crass language. In fact, I've been known to string a line of obscenities, especially when I would get kicked by new heifers at Mrs. Sae's."

"You?! You have a temper?" Peeta sarcastically teased. "I would have never guessed."

They laughed, both of them thinking about the night she waited up for him, and the next day when she was upset with him about moving her mother.

The laughter died down and Peeta became serious again. "But you _are_ innocent. No, you're beyond that. You're…pure."

"What do you mean by that?" she questioned, as this was not the first time Peeta had alluded to this notion of purity. Katniss was annoyed that she didn't know exactly what he meant. "I think that I would no longer be considered _pure_ by most people's standards. I'm sure that there are people in town who would put me along the same lines as Miss Trinket after our speedy marriage at the Justice of the Peace." Her words were in jest, but her irritation was evident in her hard tone.

"And those people can go to hell for all I care," Peeta said sternly, surprising Katniss with his venomous tone. His expression softened as he looked at Katniss and explained. "You're pure in a way that is hard to explain. It was part of what drew me to you. There are some ways in which you are far behind your peers, but that is only because you were so focused on your family. You never had the time or opportunity to indulge yourself in frivolities, as other girls did. Yet, Katniss, in so many ways you're wise beyond your years, and you've dealt with things that would have ruined most people. But you took everything in stride, never asked for help, and rejected pity. You have no idea how much it killed me to watch you struggle, and how badly I wanted to come save you, take you away, and keep you safe. Most other women would have loved that, but I knew you wouldn't. I love and admire you so much, you're so strong. So many of the _ladies_ I've known have only wanted to take, while you are totally different, you only want to give. _That_ is what makes you pure. And sometimes that scares me, because I've never had anything pure before. I'm so afraid of ruining you. My past actions have soiled me, and I don't deserve you."

Katniss was at a loss for words. She didn't know what exactly to say in response to his beautiful speech and sad self-damnation. Her hands sought his, holding his gaze as she worked to express what was so hard to say yet needed so clearly to be said."Peeta, you could never ruin me. You do deserve me because I love you. Please don't put me on some pedestal. I'm flesh, blood, and full of sin, just like you. Perhaps if I hadn't been so proud or stubborn we could have had a normal courtship, but what is in the past is done. I'm sorry about what has happened to you before, but all of those things led to the love we have now, and I'm not sorry for that."

"When you put it like that, I can't be either," Peeta gave her a little smile and kissed her sweetly. The clock behind him caught his eyeand he realized that his lunch hour was well past expired. "I hate to, but it's time for me to go back to the bakery," he half-seriously complained, before adding more sincerely, "I could have stayed here with you all day."

"I feel the same way," Katniss admitted. Peeta helped her off the table and helped to straighten her dress and smooth her hair. When Katniss turned to the table and noticed its disturbed state, her first thought was _I can't let Prim eat at this table ever again._

"Peeta," her voice was unsure. "We did all of _that_ on the kitchen table."

Peeta smiled contentedly, as he put on his coat. "And so?"

"We can never eat there again, or anyone else for that matter." Her voice reflected how horrified she was at the idea.

Peeta chuckled. "We had a table cloth down," he quipped as he walked over to table, neatly folded the _offensive_ covering, and tossed it into the laundry room. "See, now it's gone. No one will ever know but us, of course, and I don't know about you, but I'll never forget."

"You're awful!" Katniss slapped his shoulder, her cheeks coloring red as Peeta gathered her up in his arms, lifting her up so her feet dangled above the ground, and he kissed her relentlessly.

"I've got to go. I'm already very late," Peeta regretfully informed her. "What are you going to do this afternoon?"

Katniss dead panned, "Scrub the table with Clorox and then burn the table cloth."

Peeta chuckled loudly. "You know we're not the only married couple who has _enjoyed_ each others' company some place other than the bedroom. I'm fairly sure every surface of the Odair house has been used for something other than its intended use."

Katniss turned red and banished the thought of what Annie and Finnick may have done on their kitchen table. Peeta grinned and rolled his eyes. "See, pure….So after you burn the table cloth what will you be doing?"

Katniss finally smiled and sighed. "I need to get the house ready for Christmas Eve dinner," she informed him. "Mrs. Seeder and I are going to make a menu. Then we're going to polish the furniture. I want to make everything extra special since your brothers and their families are coming."

"I could cancel if you like," Peeta offered. He was not excited about continuing the family tradition of him hosting Christmas Eve dinner. Katniss had insisted to him that he needed to make peace with his brothers and that the best way to prove the sincerity of their affection for each other was to have his brothers witness them together. They hadn't even seen Katniss since she was a small child, asthey had both moved to neighboring towns years ago.

"No, I want to do this," Katniss replied genuinely. "They're never going to get to know me any other way."

"Alright," Peeta placed one more kiss on the tip of her nose, finally letting go of her, and looked at the clock again. "I must leave or Thom may very well become suspicious enough to figure out why I am so late. See you at dinner. Bye."

"Bye, Peeta." Katniss, mortified by the thought of Thom deducing what they had done during Peeta's lunch, waved to him one last time. When he was out of sight she looked at the table and tried to decide if she was more proud or ashamed of where they had just shared their passionate exchange. It was not that she regretted what transpired, only where it happened. She wasn't exactly sure, but she knew that she would never be able to look at the table in the same way again.

In a million years, Katniss never would have thought that Peeta would want to put his mouth on her most intimate place, nor that she would enjoy it as much as she did. There was so much that she didn't know about sex and love making. She was glad that Peeta was going to be the one to teach her all about it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed!


	10. chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank the best betas ever kismet4891 and katnissinme.

 

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 10**

The days leading up to Christmas flew by, yet the preparations were never ending. It was a flurry of work for Katniss, both at home and the bakery. Every morning she would help in the busy bakery, checking out customers, gathering supplies, or doing anything else that was needed. Sadly, her and Peeta's time alone was affected by the holiday rush. They had to settle for quick, heated exchanges that ultimately left them both wanting more. Katniss missed Peeta's touch, as the jingle bells attached to Prim's door jangled loudly when she rose to get a glass of water during the only _bonding_ time that they'd been able to squeeze in before bed. The only thing that kept them both sane was the promise of what was to come in a few days' time. On occasion she and Peeta would catch each other's eye and beam at each other dreamily. At lunchtime, Peeta would pull her into his office, kissing her senseless and proclaiming how much he loved her before they would each eat and then return to work. Peeta would remainat the bakery and Katniss would return to theirhome. Peeta worked late every day to keep up with the holiday special orders, and often did not come home until dinner time.

In the afternoons Katniss and Mrs. Seeder worked tirelessly in the and prepping the house for her in-laws' visit had become Katniss's mission. She was determined to make the house shine and to impress. They scrubbed, dusted and polished every item in the house. Katniss truly enjoyed spending time with Mrs. Seeder – she was pleasant, easy to talk with, and tried her best to teach Katniss all about how to be a good hostess.

Mrs. Seeder warned Katniss that her new sisters-in-law, especially Graham's wife, Agnes, were very critical of every aspect of keeping house. The maid, who had worked for the family for nearly fifteen years, also related to Katniss several interesting stories about the Mellark family. "Now, it's not that I _like_ to gossip or tell tall tales, but I think that you should know what you're going against with this group," Mrs. Seeder prefaced her story.

She explained to Katniss that about a year before Mr. Mellark died he had a major stroke, leaving him bedridden, and that Peeta had hired a lovely, very professional woman, Nurse Paylor, to help take care of his father around the clock. Nurse Paylor lived in what is now Prim's room and was by all accounts a wonderful caretaker and employee. Once, during one of her and Rhyes's rare visits, Ethel Mellark got caught searching Nurse Paylor's room. When confronted, Ethel stated that she was just making sure that their inheritance wasn't being skimmed, convinced that the nurse was stealing.

"Oh, those stuck-up women just make me so mad!" Mrs. Seeder huffed on Tuesday afternoon while they were polishing the staircase railing, surprising Katniss with her obvious annoyance; the housekeeper was usually pleasant and very even tempered. "I swear they just married into the family thinking that there was a ton of money locked up in this house somewhere and that the Mellarks were all loaded. But the joke is on them,'cause only Peeta's the wealthy one these 's no Rockefeller, but you'll probably never have to worry about anything as long as you live within your means." Katniss's mouth dropped at Mrs. Seeder's comment. When she saw the young woman's response to what she'd said, Mrs. Seeder remarked, "What, you didn't know, honey?"

Katniss's hand stilled. "No," she replied, still in obvious surprise. "I just thought that Peeta was a good baker."

Mrs. Seeder came and sat on the same step as Katniss, laid her hand on Katniss's shoulder and asked, "You really had no clue, did you?" Katniss shook her head. Mrs. Seeder kindly explained. "This is between you and me, and the only reason I'm telling you this is so you can understand why things are the way that they are between Peeta and his brothers. I only know because ol' Mr. Mellark told me, he was so proud of Peeta…Although it doesn't surprise me that Peeta wouldn't tell you. He doesn't like to talk about money much, he thinks that it causes too many problems, just like it did for his parents. Old Mrs. Mellark came from money, and she held that over Mr. Mellark's head. After Peeta's mother died, Mr. Mellark spilt her money three ways so the boys could use it as they saw fit. Peeta spent a good bit of his on that ring of yours."

Katniss looked at her ring in disbelief, as Mrs. Seeder rubbed her back and continued. "His brothers told him that he was crazy and frivolous and that he should invest like they did. But Peeta's ring ended up being a better investment than all those bonds his brothers bought. After that Fields girl turned him down, Peeta used the ring as collateral on his first business loan that he used to buy the bakery from his father. Then a few years later he designed a new sort of oven, he had a patent or something like that,and then he sold it for a large amount of money. Although most people don't know, seeing as how Peeta is too modest to say anything."

Katniss tried to understand why Peeta would never tell her about how wealthy he was. She soon realized though, that perhaps he wanted to be sure that she loved him for who he was and not for his money. Or maybe he knew how Katniss didn't care about money and didn't like to talk about it could understand now why his brothers were under the assumption that Katniss was after Peeta for his money alone. Now so many of Peeta's past actions were easily happy insistence on buying both her and Prim all new wardrobes, and never batting an eye at putting her mother in an expensive, private hospital. Katniss had never thought about it before, as she didn't really care about money had been able to survive off of bartering. As long as she and Prim had a warm house and full bellies she felt like she was doing alright.

"Are you alright, honey?" Mrs. Seeder inquired.

Katniss replied almost sadly. "I can see why everyone thinks that I'm a gold digger now."

"Oh, sweetheart," Mrs. Seeder soothed, and chuckled a little. "Like I said, very few people know how well-off Peeta is. I watch you two everyday, and I know that what you two feel for each other is real. I see how happy you've made each other. I think most people are coming to realize that now, too." She wrapped Katniss up in a big motherly hug; it felt so good to have that sort of affection again that Katniss relished the physical connection.

"Thank you, Mrs. Seeder," Katniss whispered, and gladly returned the hug, "for everything."

"You're welcome, child," Mrs. Seeder smiled and rose to continue her earlier task. "Oh, and Katniss, it is none of my business – nor do I care – but you may want to move your things down to Peeta's room. I wouldn't put it past your sisters-in-law to go through every room in this house."

Katniss looked at the elder woman with her eyes wide. She'd never thought her and Peeta's sleeping arrangement would be known to anyone else, but she just now realized how foolish that had been. Prim was one thing, she was young and naïve and bought into Peeta's 'snoring' story. She hadn't ever thought about Mrs. Seeder knowing all of their secrets. After a moment of thought she replied evenly, "I'll take that into consideration."

The days continued to inch by and time alone with Peeta was still a sparse commodity. By the time Thursday evening came around it seemed like they'd not had but a few moments alone together. They dressed in their Sunday best and attended the school's Christmas pageant. Hand-in-hand, Katniss and Peeta watched the elementary students act out the Nativity. Prim was wonderful as the angel of the Lord. Katniss had always considered her sister to be akin to an angel, not only because of her angelic appearance, but also because her birth had brought such peace and happiness to her family.

While the rest of the audience chuckled at the wise men tripping over their robes, Katniss relived some of the sadder moments of her childhood. She recalled her mother's multiple miscarriages. While they were all terrible, the last one before Prim was born had been the worst. Katniss could remember her father crying as he clutched her tiny, lifeless brother, wrapped in a blanket. She also remembered the feeling of immense sorrow that filled the house the weeks after the baby was buried. Mama had laid in her bed, and Papa had taken care of everything as best he could and begged Mama to come back to him. Eventually she did. About a year later Mama's belly got big again and she told Katniss that she was pregnant, and that this time she was sure that Katniss was going to be a big sister. Katniss remembered praying every night that this baby would be born alive and well for her parents' sake. When Prim was finally born, her Mama and Papa were so happy. Katniss was too, and had fallen in love with her tiny sister at first sight.

A new fear popped into Katniss's head. _What if I have the same problems that Mama had?_ Now that their marriage was soon to become a fully-fledged one, pregnancy was a likely result. Katniss wanted to give Peeta children, although the thought of him having to go through the same things that Papa did gave her a chill. Peeta had already known such terrible pain. Peeta looked at her and mouthed, "You cold?"

She lied and nodded affirmation, prompting Peeta to wrap his arm around her and pull her in close. His warm embrace calmed her some, but she now had a whole new set of fears that she would have to face down someday.

Later, Katniss and Peeta found themselves finally alone on the couch listening to Christmas music on the radio. Prim had gone to bed a little earlier. Katniss and Peeta held each other tight, but did little else. It was like an unspoken agreement that they would resist their carnal urges for just a while longer. Not to mention the fact that poor Peeta had been going non-stop since three that morning. "Oh, Peeta," Katniss whispered.

"Yes, dear?" Peeta responded and nuzzled his head on her shoulder.

"I just wanted to tell you that I moved my clothes down to your room today," Peeta sat up and looked at her curiously. Katniss continued, "Mrs. Seeder warned me that your sisters-in-law might be looking through the rooms and I thought that, you know, it was about time anyway… Was that alright?"

"Yes, of course," he said happily, and resettled his head on her shoulder. "It just makes it seem more real now. I guess I just hadn't thought about it." A few moments of silence passed, then Peeta asked in a serious tone. "Are you still sure?"

Katniss didn't hesitate as she placed a sweet kiss on his lips and then answered, "Yes, I'm still very sure."

It had been a very long day and they both found themselves comfortable and content in each others' arms. They dozed off and around midnight Peeta roused Katniss. "Come on Katniss,let's go to bed."

Katniss groaned in protest – she didn't really want to go to all of the trouble of going up the stairs and crawling into bed. "But I'm comfortable," she playfully protested as Peeta lifted himself from the couch.

"How about I let you sleep in my bed?" Peeta offered and then extended his hand to her. Katniss looked at him through sleepy eyes for a moment, thinking that he was teasing her. "Come on, I sleep better when you're with me."

Katniss whispered, "Really?" Peeta nodded and then Katniss took his hand. While Peeta changed in the bathroom, Katniss changed into her old flannel night gown in what was soon to be "their" room. She was snuggled under the blankets by the time he knocked on the door to see if she was "decent." Peeta came to bed in pajama pants and an undershirt and then slid into the bed behind Katniss, pulling her close. He kissed her brow and wished her goodnight. And it was. Katniss fell asleep almost instantly and did not rouse until Prim started to knock loudly on the bedroom door at seven o'clock the next morning.

"It's Christmas Eve," Prim announced gleefully. "Wake up, Katniss!"

"In a minute, Prim," Katniss grumbled, then she quickly sat up and looked at the empty side of the bed. It was here, the day that they'd been waiting for. Even though it was only hours away it still seemed so far, they still had to get through the dreaded Mellark family dinner. Her eyes caught a glimpse of a small sheet of paper on Peeta's pillow. It read:

_Katniss,_

_I wish that I could compose lovely words for you, but Charlotte Bronte already said best what I feel for you: 'I have for the first time found what I can truly love–I have found you. You are my sympathy–my better self–my good angel–I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of life, wraps my existence about you–and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one."'_

_I love you so much, Mrs. Mellark._

_Love, Peeta_

Katniss nearly cried happy tears when she read his loving words and decided that she could face whatever the day might hold.

Peeta and Katniss had already determined that she would stay home and get ready for the family meal while he went to the bakery. Mrs. Seeder would typically have helped with the preparations, but Peeta insisted that she have the entire day off since her son, Thresh, was home from college. So she left careful instructions on how to prepare the ham and vegetables, and Peeta would bring home the baked goods. Everything was as fool-proof as it could be, for which Katniss was grateful.

Peeta came home a little early in the afternoon with his arms full of bread, dinner rolls, cookies, and pies. After a quick lunch of soup and sandwiches, Peeta announced with an innocent smile on his face, "I'm going to go take a nap." He caught Katniss's eye and gave her a wink. "I'm going to need to be well rested for later."

Katniss tried, unsuccessfully, to suppress a grin and blush, and then rolled her eyes. An hour before the guests were due to arrive everything was table was set with Peeta's mother's china, crystal, and silver. It looked so lovely that Katniss thought even Emily Post would be impressed.

Peeta looked handsome in his charcoal suit pants, matching vest, crisp white shirt, and a blue striped tie. Prim was dressed in a ruffled pink dress and patent leather shoes. Katniss donned her new red plaid dress with full sleeves along with her brand new, two-toned, heeled saddle shoes.

When Peeta saw them he proclaimed, "My, aren't you two the prettiest pair of ladies that I've ever had the pleasure of seeing." He then wrapped an arm around Katniss's waist and pulled her in close under the guise of kissing her on the cheek while she fussed over the table cloth, and whispered lowly in her ear, "I hope I have the pleasure of seeing even more of _you_ later."

"That is the plan, isn't it?" Katniss returned confidently. "I loved my note his morning, by the way," and gave him a chaste kiss on his lips. Their tender moment was halted by the sound of a knock at the door.

Peeta sighed and then whispered in a sincere tone, "No matter what happens tonight, just remember that I love you." Katniss nodded and then Peeta went to the door.

It was Graham and Agnes and their two sons, Chip and Fred, who looked to be about Prim's age. A few minutes later they were joined by Rhyes and Ethel with their two daughters, Vera and Margie, who were slightly younger than their cousins. The children oooh-ed and ah-ed over the Christmas tree and seemed to be happy to see Peeta again. Prim got things rolling with the other children by inviting them to play board games with her. Katniss relaxed a little when she saw that the other kids were at least willing to play nicely with Prim.

When the children left the room the tension was thick. Katniss tried to be polite and friendly, but unlike Prim, it was not her talent. It also didn't help that she could see the women examining the house from where they sat. Peeta and his brothers were able to make passably polite conversation about the weather and what the children were up to. At least the men were trying.

Graham looked much like Peeta, only older with a large pot belly. Agnes was tall and round, with a pretty face and sandy blonde hair. Judging by the plumpness of Graham and his sons, Katniss guessed that Agnes must have been a very good cook.

Rhyes was slightly smaller than Peeta and very bald. Ethel was of medium height and was rail thin, with pinched features and very pale skin, framed by strawberry blonde hair. Their daughters lucked out and favored their father, their pretty blonde hair done up in sausage curls and tied back with large bows. Katniss felt very out of place with her olive skin and nearly black hair.

Things were quiet until dinner was served, with the exception of Agnes lecturing Peeta for allowing the help to have time off. The children ate at their own table while the adults sat around the dining room table. Multiple times Katniss noticed Ethel looking at her ring. After a few moments, Ethel broke the silence and said, "So Peeta," she smirked, "you've heard about Clove? Of course, it's too bad she didn't decide to divorce Cato sooner or she might have gotten that ring after all."

Katniss was surprised. Cato and Clove must be the divorcing couple that everyone had been gossiping about. She felt a slight pang. Peeta looked up at his sister-in-law, relieving his wife when he calmly replied, "No, that ring is exactly where I want to be. I was done with Clove years ago." He then gave Katniss a reassuring smile from the head of the table.

Ethel was visibly disappointed that she didn't get a bigger reaction. Katniss swore that she saw Rhyes nudge his wife and give her a sour look.

"Katniss, how is your mother? I heard that she wasn't well and needed a rest." Agnes feigned concern, but it was an obvious attempt to get Katniss to admit that her mother was in a mental hospital.

"She is doing much better, thank you," Katniss answered as sweetly as she could. The reply would have been enough to silence polite people.

"What hospital is she in?" Agnes smiled triumphantly.

Peeta responded before Katniss could, speaking low enough so the children could not hear, "The same hospital that your parents sent your brother when they caught him wearing ladies clothing…Tell me, does he still think that he is Greta Garbo?" If the tone of Peeta's voice hadn't been so serious one would have thought that it was a joke. Katniss had to bite her tongue to keep from giggling at Agnes and Ethel's shocked reactions.

Agnes looked down at her husband like he was supposed to defend her. Graham said nothing and took a bite of ham. Rhyes snickered, earning cross looks from both Agnes and Ethel. "What?" he said lowly. "He did think he was Garbo."

The table was tense when Graham looked to Katniss. "Katniss, so how did my baby brother win you over? No one even knew that he was seeing anyone, and then he calls us up one day and announces that he was married." The last sentence was spoken in a somber tone. Katniss could tell that he was asking out of true concern.

Katniss could understand why Peeta's brothers were dismayed by their hasty marriage, she had to admit from the outside looking in what it may have looked like. She took a deep breath and told her version of the story as positively as she could. "Well, to be totally honest, I was very keen on him when I was a little girl." Peeta smiled at her warmly, urging her on. "Then I grew up and it turned out that he was keen on me, too. He has the prettiest blue eye and makes the best cheese buns ever. How could I turn that down?" Peeta beamed at her just like a groom would his bride on his wedding day.

"That's a very sweet story," Ethel retorted curtly, while Rhyes cringed a little. "But why didn't anyone know about your courtship? Nobody even knew that you two were seeing each other. Why the rush to get married?"

Peeta was again ready with a witty answer. "Well, why not? Once we both knew how the other felt, why wait? I had a home and a livelihood, we didn't care for a big wedding or anything like that. It made sense to get married as soon as we could. There was _no_ reason other than that." The last sentence came out with such a sense of finality that no one dared ask the lingering questions they may have still harbored.

Katniss looked around to see that most of the plates were empty. She thought it a good time to start a pot of coffee and offer pie. Peeta followed her into the kitchen and gathered her up into his arms, kissing her breathless as soon as the door shut behind them. When he finally broke the kiss he whispered, "Thank you."

"For what?" Katniss asked in genuine surprise.

"For putting up with all of that," Peeta sighed and pointed to the dining room.

"Oh, well, now we're even for when my mother berated you for eloping with me," Katniss giggled. "That had to be awful. Mama doesn't get mad often but when she does it is horrible."

"It was," Peeta grinned at the memory.

"So, Agnes's brother thinks he's Garbo?" Katniss questioned with a grin.

"Yeah," Peeta deadpanned, "but he always looked more like Mae West to me."

Katniss had to cover her mouth to keep the others from hearing her laugh. Peeta, like he always did, had lifted her mood.

Dessert was eaten in peace, no one dared to say anything more. The mood was lightened when Peeta suggested that the children open their gifts. Peeta and his brothers had stopped exchanging gifts years ago. Katniss was relieved that she did not have to stress over what to give her in-laws. The children were thrilled with their gifts and Peeta played along with them on the floor. Much to Katniss's surprise, each couple had brought small gifts for Prim, paper dolls and hair ribbons. _Maybe there is hope yet._

Thankfully, by eight o'clock, the company was ready to go. At least the wives were. They had the children in coats and the toys loaded in the car at the first opportunity they saw without even saying goodbye. Peeta and his brothers were talking in the entryway after everyone else was waiting in the car. Katniss and Prim were stacking up the rest of the dishes when Peeta called for her.

Rhyes put his hand out to Katniss. "We wanted to say thank you for dinner," Rhyes said pleasantly while they shook hands. "And I want to apologize for earlier. Don't worry about the women, they'll come around eventually."

"Welcome to the family," Graham told her and held out his hand. When she took it she was caught off guard as he pulled her in for a tight hug.

When he let her go she told him, "Thank you for telling Peeta about Dr. Aurelius. He has helped my mother so much."

"You're welcome," Graham smiled and adjusted his hat. "I hope he can help her more than he has Agnes's brother. It turns out there is nothing the good doctor can do for him, it's just the way he is, probably born that way. At least they got him convinced to dress like a man when he leaves the house and he's stopped asking to be called Greta."

They all exchanged goodbyes and Peeta seemed content with how they all parted. "Well, that went better than anticipated," Peeta breathed out when he saw their cars leave.

"I think that they were just concerned," Katniss reasoned. "I would have been, too, if I were in their shoes."

Katniss and Peeta did dishes while Prim picked up. Soon the house had been set back in order. Peeta brought out a bottle of blush wine that he had set out on the back step. The wine was chilled and very sweet, and even Prim was allowed to have a third of a glass. Peeta read _The Night Before Christmas_ aloud for them in front of the fireplace. Prim's eyes started to get heavy and she wished Katniss and Peeta goodnight. As soon as they heard her door shut, Peeta started to get presents from the closet shelf and stacked them under the tree while Katniss stuffed Prim's stocking. Peeta got them each one more glass of wine, and they sat on the couch, both of them silent as they finished their drinks. Katniss was suddenly nervous. _What if I'm terrible? What if I can't make him happy?_

Peeta must have sensed her trepidation. He took her empty wine glass from her hand, pulled her into his lap, and playfully asked, "A penny for your thoughts?"

She smiled at him, understanding that she was being silly, but she couldn't help it. "I'm just afraid that I won't make you happy, that I'll just mess everything up."

Peeta lovingly kissed her lips and reassured her, "Everything we've done so far has been wonderful. I doubt that you'll mess it up." Then he started to pull the pins from her hair and unwind her braid. "Besides, do you know what the beauty of being married is?"

"No, what's that?" Katniss smiled slightly and fiddled with his collar buttons.

Peeta raised an eyebrow and gave her a cheeky smile, teasing huskily, "We can try again, and again, and again, until we get it right."

Katniss blushed brightly and giggled. She knew that she was over-thinking things and that Peeta would take care of her, just like he had every step of the way. She kissed him in earnest, enjoying the taste of wine on his tongue along with the wonderful combination of bakery scents and after shave that always incited longing in her. Her body was heated, she couldn't get enough of him. When they broke apart she looked into his darkened eyes and whispered, "Peeta, I'm ready."

Katniss rose from his lap and offered her hand to him, which he took. When he got to his feet he dropped her hand and scooped her up bridal style. Katniss gasped at the unexpected move. "What?" He asked in part jest, "Did you think that we weren't going to do this right? A groom has to carry his bride."

Katniss settled in his arms and kissed his cheek, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I love you, Mr. Mellark."

"I love you too, Mrs. Mellark," he replied, and opened the door to their room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to all the smut lovers, you'll have to wait until next time. But to anyone who has been through a wedding knows, you have to deal with a lot of crap and drama before you get to the good stuff. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading!


	11. chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait, the Spring Fling challenge caused some delays, but here is the smut! 
> 
> Also I must give credit where credit is due, thank you to the best betas in the world, kismet4891 and katnissinme. You guys are absolutely wonderful.

 

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 11**

The bedroom door shut with a muffled thud as Peeta ever so gently helped Katniss to her feet. Immediately he turned around and locked the door behind them – the last thing either one of them wanted was any interruptions.

Peeta took both of her hands, “Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”

Katniss rolled her eyes and grinned. “You mentioned it once or twice. You look very handsome yourself.”

“Well, thank you,” Peeta replied as he kissed her chastely on the lips, pulling away to ask with a boyish grin, “Were you ever allowed to open any presents on Christmas Eve?”

“No,” she answered with a bit of surprise. She hadn’t expected a whole lot of conversation at this point. “If we were good we got to look in our stockings before chores, but we always had to wait to open presents until after breakfast and we all had our clothes changed.”

“My, you must have had a lot of patience,” Peeta marveled.

“I suppose I did,” she admitted, “although nothing that compares to you.”

“Good things come to those who wait,” he teased.

“I think you’ve waited long enough,” Katniss quipped and started to unbutton his vest.

“I can wait just a few moments more. I wouldn’t feel right proceeding until I’ve given you this,” Peeta in formed her, and pulled something out of his pants pocket. It was a small, black velvet box. Katniss knew in an instant what it was - a ring, _her_ wedding ring. Peeta opened the box and gave it to Katniss, who pulled it out and examined it. The ring was platinum like her other ring, but it was much simpler. The band was medium width, with scalloped edges. It didn’t have any stones but it did have an etched design.Upon further inspection she realized that the designs were heads of wheat. It seemed fitting for a farmer’s daughter married to a baker. While she admired the ring she was only slightly aware of Peeta slipping the old ring off her left hand. “How do you like it?” he whispered.

“Peeta,” she sighed and then looked up at him in pure adoration. “I love it!”

“I think that the wedding band goes on first, it’s supposed to be closest to your heart.” Peeta took it from her and slid it on her left hand, replacing the diamond and emerald ring. Then he moved it so that the diamond rested where the band’s edge dipped. “There, they fit together. I was afraid that since they were so different they’d clash, but it looks like they fit perfectly.”

“Like us,” Katniss said without thinking about it. Then she stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his, the kiss quickly escalating. Peeta loosened her hair from its braid and ran his fingers through the silky length.

Soon they were working on each other’s buttons and pulling at clothes. When Peeta removed her dress Katniss finally understood the reason why Portia had insisted that all her undergarments be so _pretty_ – it was for moments like this. She stood before him in her cream satin and lace structured chemise. Katniss smiled shyly at seeing Peeta shirtless for the first time since that first night she came to his bed. Suddenly she was bashful, even though she realized that it was silly – they had already seen and touched each other’s most _personal_ places, but the prospect of being totally naked in front of him was daunting. She pleaded softly, “Peeta, can we… please, turn off the lights?”

“Oh, of course,” he agreed with an understanding smile, “but let’s get some of the more complicated things off first.” Katniss nodded in agreement as he sat her down at the edge of the bed and kneeled in front of her, untying and removing her shoes. He then detached her stockings from the garters of her chemise and rolled them down slowly, his fingertips on her naked leg sending goose bumps down her spine. He kissed her knee and then trailed kisses down to her toes. She was amazed how aroused she already felt herself getting from his simplest touches. “There, now we can turn off the lights,” he smiled. “Why don’t you pull down the covers and I’ll get the lamp?”

“Alright,” she whispered and pulled the blankets back, settling in between the sheets. She heard Peeta pulling at his pants, and then the clang of his belt hitting the floor. His weight settled beside her and he covered them with the blankets, pulling her close. He kissed her slowly and deeply, while they both lay on their sides. Peeta brought her leg around his hip and then shifted onto his back, pulling her atop of him easily. Through his underwear, Katniss could feel that he was already hard. They continued to kiss and explore each other, Katniss’s hands roaming his wide shoulders and firm chest as she ran her fingers through the coarse hairs there. His hands inched up her chemise, quickly warming the bare skin of her stomach.

“May I take this off of you?” he requested respectfully.

She replied, “Yes,” with a smile. Peeta sat himself up and leaned back against the headboard before deftly pulling the undergarment up and over her head. The moon outside offered just enough light for Katniss to see the awestruck expression on Peeta’s face. He ran his hands up her body, starting at her thighs and slowly trailing up to her breasts. He kneaded them gently before taking one in his mouth and suckling. Katniss moaned, her body feeling as if it were on fire. She settled herself on his hard member and moved her hips, finding some relief in the friction the motion caused…but it wasn’t enough. She needed more contact and attention at her center, yet she didn’t know how to ask. Finally, she whispered, “Peeta, please.”

Peeta flipped them over, hovering over her on his hands and knees. He gathered her hair in his hand and spread it over the pillow above her head. He sighed and said reverently, “I dreamed of this for so long.” She replied with a kiss, and spread her legs wide to invite him closer. Peeta parted from her mouth and started to kiss a trail down her body, stopping briefly at each breast before lowering to her navel. When he reached the waistline of her panties, he looked her in the eye, silently asking for permission one last time. She nodded and breathed, “Yours too.”

Peeta slid off his own undershorts before dragging her panties down her legs, off her feet, and dropping them to the floor, along with the rest of their clothes. He huskily asked, “Can I taste you again?”

“Yes!” she said a bit more loudly and quickly than she had meant to, and was immediately embarrassed. Peeta laughed and she started to giggle a little.

“I’m glad we both liked it so much,” Peeta chuckled before dipping his head down between her thighs. Katniss moaned loudly at the first pass of his tongue, remembering the pleasure that it had brought her just days before. He took his time kissing and caressing her, paying special attention to the exquisite little button that had brought her such ecstasy before. Encouraged by her moans, gasps, and swaying of her hips, he became emboldened and used his fingers to stroke and explore her further. After many intense minutes she called his name in a strangled voice, trying to keep her release quiet as her body tightened around his fingers, before limply falling back in quivering contentment.

Through the darkness and dim moonlight she could see Peeta wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before crawling back over her. He flashed her a blissful smile; he was nearly as satisfied as she was. Katniss reached for him, placing her hands on either side of his face, and pulled him to her, pouring her emotions into an impassioned kiss. She sucked on his tongue and savored the taste of herself on his lips.Peeta broke the kiss and whispered in her ear, “Let me know when you’re ready.”  She could feel his erect member pressed against her thigh. Katniss groaned in frustration, her body ached for him. Peeta shifted slightly, placing his length against her folds. He sighed at the contact and settled some of his weight on her, pinning her in place, and taking control of the embrace. Katniss hugged him tightly, wanting to feel him closer.

“Peeta, I’m ready,” Katniss pleaded softly. Peeta raised himself to look her in the eye. His own eyes were dark with lust, but there was something troubled in his expression.“What is it?” Katniss asked in confusion. _Did I say or do something wrong?_

“I love you so much.” Peeta pushed some stray hairs out of her face and confessed, “I’ve never been anyone’s first before – I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I love you, too,” she whispered and took his hand and squeezed it. “It’s alright,” she soothed, “I’ve been told it only hurts once. I want you to make me yours.”

“Alright,” he agreed and placed himself at her entrance, resettling his weight on her, and gently pushed his way in until he met a barrier. Katniss was trying to acclimate to the foreign feeling. _This isn’t so terrible,_ she thought _._ “I’m sorry,” Peeta murmured against her skin a fraction of a second before he fully thrust inside her. They both groaned, Peeta in pleasure, Katniss in mild pain. Peeta stilled and looked at her in concern as he wiped a single tear from the corner of her eye with his thumb. He asked in a consoling tone, “Are you okay? Do you want to stop?”

Katniss opened her eyes and shook her head, as she encouraged him, “I’ll be alright, keep going.”

Peeta kissed her sweetly and started to move above her, slowly at first. Katniss could feel her body stretch to accommodate him. Little-by-little the pinched, uncomfortable feeling melted into pleasure. Peeta’s lips found their way back to her breasts, giving her something else to focus on. She gripped his hair in her fists. Her body relaxed and she spread her legs to let him in further. He propelled himself in deeper and slightly faster. “You feel so good,” Peeta exhaled with a shaky breath, and nestled his head on her shoulder. “I can’t go much longer.”

Katniss wrapped her arms around him. She could feel him tensing up and his erratic, warm breaths on her neck. “I’m yours, Peeta,” she murmured in his ear. His pace quickened at her words.

“I’m coming,” he told her, as his body quaked and thrust deeply a few final times before stilling above her. Helet his full weight rest on her, catching his breath; she felt so contented and at peace. Peeta kissed her lazily before pulling out of her and settling at her side, pulling up the covers, hugging her tightlyas he asked, “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” Katniss stretched the truth slightly. “It was unpleasant for a minute or two, but then it got better. In fact, it felt…nice toward the end,” she added with a smile.

“It will be better next time,” Peeta promised. “Like I said, we can do this again and again, as often as you like.”

“I think I’d like that,” Katniss giggled, kissing him on the lips and then resting her head on his chest before starting to drift off to sleep.

Peeta shook her a little and whispered, “We should get cleaned up.”He got them out of bed and found their robes. When Katniss got out of the bed she felt tenderness at her core and noticed a smear of blood on the sheets, realizing that she was now truly a married woman. Hand-in-hand they walked down the hall as quietly as they could, but Peeta’s gait caused him to walk loudly. Katniss cringed slightly, the thought of Prim skipping down the stairs for a drink of water right at this moment, catching them in nothing but their robes, not at all appealing.

When they reached the bathroom Peeta flipped on the light. She saw that his hair was tousled and his eyes were shining with what Katniss guessed to be bliss – because that was what she was feeling. Peeta sat her on the edge of the claw foot tub, got a warm wash rag, and then opened her robe to wipe away the blood and remnants of their love making. Suddenly his face became serious. Katniss wondered aloud, “Peeta, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, Katniss.I meant to ask, but then I forgot as it just felt so good, and had been so long,” Peeta declared, his regret was obvious.

“Peeta, ask me what?”Katniss questioned confused.

“I should have asked you where you wanted me to spill _it,_ ” Peeta said in a concerned tone. “I want the choice to be yours.”

Once she realized that Peeta was referring to his seed she got a little red-faced – she hadn’t thought about it either. _Do I want to have a baby so soon? Just being happy with Peeta for a little while would be nice._ She soothed him, “It’s alright, Peeta, if I get pregnant from one time then it was meant to be. But from now on, pull out or get some of those condom things you told me about. Only for a little while,” Katniss added. “I want to have a baby with you, but not yet.”

Peeta smiled at her and kissed her cheek. “That’s fine, I feel the same way. I want to be selfish with you for a little while.”

“Good, that’s settled,” Katniss smiled. Then she held her hand out to take the rag from Peeta. “I can clean you up.”

“No, you better let me do it,” Peeta gave her naughty grin, “or you’ll get me excited again.”

As much as the idea appealed to her she was sore and exhausted, and she knew that Prim would be up bright and early, banging on their bedroom door.They returned to their room where Peeta slipped on his pajama pants and Katniss pulled on a soft orange, eyeleted cotton night gown. Peeta smiled when he saw it on her. “That’s my favorite color.”

“I know. I had Portia make it,” Katniss told him as she crawled into bed.

Peeta gave her a curious look. “When?”

“A couple of weeks after we got married,” she replied with a grin.

“Really?!” He gave her a pleasantly surprised look.

“Yes,” she said softly. “I just knew that I wanted this to happen, and I wanted to be ready when it did.”

Peeta smiled widely. “I never thought that I could be this happy, Katniss.”

“Neither did I,” she sighed and kissed him.

Finally after a few more loving but exhausted kisses, theywrapped up with each other and drifted off to sleep. Cradling her in the crook of his arm, Peeta whispered, “You love me, real or not?”

Katniss ran her hand over his scarred cheek and said truthfully, “Real, Peeta.”

Katniss woke up from the most restful sleep that she could remember having in years to the sun rising. When she opened her eyes, she found herself staring into Peeta’s brilliant blues. He smiled and whispered, “Merry Christmas, my beautiful wife.”

“Merry Christmas, handsome,” she replied. “Been awake long?” 

“Just a little while, out of habit,” he admitted. “I thought I’d watch you sleep for a bit. Just to make sure that this wasn’t a dream.”

“And are you sure?” Katniss posed with a tone of playfulness. “Maybe you should kiss me to find out.”

“Good idea.” Peeta leaned in and pressed his lips to hers as he pulled the covers over them. He moved over her, and soon his hardened member was pressing against her.

Katniss purred, “I think we’ve proven it’s real.” They both chuckled and continued to kiss, but then they heard the tell-tale jingle of Prim’s bells, followed by the pitter patter of her feet above their room. Katniss groaned. Seconds later there was a loud knock on their door and Prim sang happily, “Katniss! Peeta! It’s Christmas!”

“It’s alright, this will just give me all day to think about what I’ll do to you tonight,” Peeta teased softly, kissing her forehead before he called to the door, “Merry Christmas Prim! We’ll be out in a few minutes!”

A short while later Katniss and Peeta were dressed and ready for the day. They found Prim waiting for them in the parlor, sitting in front of the Christmas tree, taking in the sight of the presents underneath. Prim was allowed to raid her stocking of her candy and marbles while Katniss made tea and Peeta divvied out breakfast pastries. Finally, after breakfast, Prim was allowed to open her gifts. She loved her books and clothes, and nearly cried over her porcelain doll. Katniss and Prim gave Peeta his gifts, monogrammed handkerchiefs, drawing pencils, and a box of cigars – which Finnick had informed Katniss was an occasional indulgence for Peeta. He seemed thrilled with his gifts, but Katniss still felt badly because it was nothing compared to everything that Peeta had given and shared with them. Prim and Peeta had gotten Katniss a rhinestone and sterling silver comb, to wear in her hair. Peeta claimed that it was all Prim’s doing.

A while later, Peeta sat in a chair smoking a cigar as Katniss sat at his feet with her head on his kneeas she watched Prim play. Her mind wandered, and she reminisced about last Christmas. She could not afford to give Prim anything more than a few peppermint sticks then, along with some ill-fitting, second-hand clothes. They didn’t get a tree because it was too much trouble and it seemed wrong to celebrate Christmas without Papa there and while Mama lay dumbly in bed. Their Christmas feast consisted of the old, tough rooster that Katniss had strangled to death after finally getting tired of it pecking her when she collected eggs. Even though they’d boiled him all day it was still tough and the meat made for a just barely edible version of chicken and dumplings. Katniss looked around this warm, lovely house, the amazing Christmas tree, thought about the pumpkin pie and cheese buns waiting for them in the kitchen, not to mention the loving man sitting above her. She said a silent prayer of thanks.

Prim looked up from her doll she had been playing with at Peeta and said, “Peeta, where is Katniss’s other gift?”

“Oh, here it is Prim,” Katniss held out her hand for her sister to see her new wedding band. “Do you like it? Look it has tiny wheat heads engraved on it.”

“Awww, it’s so pretty,” Prim said and took her sister’s hand to inspect the ring more closely. But then she gave Peeta a confused expression and asked, “But Peeta, I thought you said that you were going to get Katniss the p…” Prim stopped when she caught Peeta’s eye.

Katniss gave the two of them a measured look. “What is going on here?”

“Nothing,” Peeta said dismissively, although Katniss could tell by Prim’s guilty face that something was going on; her sister never could keep a secret.

“Alright little duck, what is it?” Katniss prompted her sister. Prim was just about to say something when there was a knock at the door.

Peeta put on a huge boyish grin and said, “Come with me and you’ll find out.” He grabbed Katniss’s hand and pulled her off the floor, quickly walking to the door. When he opened the door she saw Peeta’s employee Thom and a couple of other teenage boys, who Katniss assumed to be his brothers or cousins. “Merry Christmas!” Peeta greeted them. “Perfect timing! Thom, back the truck as close to the porch as you can get, and I’ll help you unload it.”

Prim clapped her hands and jumped up and down. Katniss looked out to the driveway and saw something large covered in a tarp and tied down with ropes. Her breath caught in her throat; it looked suspiciously like a piano. _No, it can’t be, it would be far too much, even for Peeta._ Katniss was silent and Peeta held her hand. When the truck backed up to the porch, one of Thom’s brothers untied the ropes and pulled off the tarp.  “Merry Christmas, Katniss,” Peeta whispered in her ear.

“It’s Papa’s piano, Katniss!” Prim squealed and hugged her sister before she went to inspect the instrument.

Katniss was finally able to rip her eyes from the piano and turn to Peeta. She couldn’t stop the happy tears that were falling. She hugged her husband tightly and pressed her lips to his, she didn’t care who was watching or what would be said, she just had to thank him and she never was very good with words.

“I take it that you like it,” Peeta beamed at her.

“Yes,” she said blissfully. “How did you get it back?” Katniss had sold the piano last winter, for the equivalent of one month’s rent and a half a cord of wood. It was nothing special, it was probably older that Peeta and Katniss combined and it was well used, yet it still broke Katniss’ heart to part with it.

“Prim told me that you sold it to Mr. Blight,” Peeta explained, “so I approached him. I guess it turned out the Blights’ children were not as musically gifted as their parents had thought, and they were willing to sell the piano to me.”

Peeta, Thom, and his brothers moved the piano into the house. When it was in place, Peeta thanked them and handed them a crisp five dollar bill for their trouble. After they left and Prim went outside to take care of Lady, Katniss sat on the bench and sighed, “Peeta I love it, but it is too much.”

“No, it isn’t,” he said and sat next to her.

“A box of cigars and a few pencils are nothing compared to this,” Katniss admonished.

“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” Peeta put his arms around her waist and whispered softly in her ear. “This is really for me, too. I want to hear you sing as often as possible. I love your voice, even when you were a kid, and long before I loved you I liked to hear you sing. Then, when I realized how I felt about you, I would sometimes go to church simply to listen to you.”

Katniss blushed and didn’t know what to say, she was so touched. After a while she offered, “I’ll sing to you later, if you like.”

“I’d like that,” Peeta returned.

Prim came back inside. They ate leftovers from the night before and munched on cookies and pie that Peeta had brought from the bakery. After lunch Prim insisted that Katniss and Peeta go play outside with her, which they did, all agreeing that no snow balls be thrown. Peeta took them to the hill where he, his brothers, and Finnick used to sled as children. In the evening they sat around the old piano and sang Christmas carols. Eventually Prim tired out, wished them good night, and drug her toys and books up to her room.

Peeta and Katniss took turns taking showers. As Katniss waited for Peeta to get out of the shower she sat at the piano and just looked at it. It brought back so many wonderful memories from her childhood. Peeta came out of the bathroom in his flannel pants and thin white undershirt. His hair was damp, and she could feel the heat building low in her belly already just from looking at him. Her love and desire for him was almost overwhelming. She now understood what Peeta had meant when he told her that sometimes he wanted her so badly that it hurt.

“So, did you have a good Christmas?” Peeta inquired and leaned on the piano.

“The best, thank you, Peeta,” Katniss smiled at him and then added half-seriously,“but it was too much.”

“No, you and Prim deserved every bit of it and then some,” Peeta said in earnest. “Besides, it’s nothing compared to what you have given me. You’ve brought me so much joy and contentment, I can never pay you back for that.”

“Yes, you can,” she whispered and gave him a naughty grin.

“Is that so?” Peeta eyes became dark and his voice husky. “And how is that?”

“Make love to me,” she whispered and stood before him. No more words were needed. Peeta caught her in a kiss and instantly plunged his tongue in her mouth as his hand found her breast and tweaked the tip with his thumb and forefinger. Somehow they managed to make their way to the bedroom, and in seconds they were both nude, Peeta hovering over her.

“Oh God, you’re already so wet,” Peeta breathed when he reached between her legs to test her readiness.

“I want you now,” she moaned.

Peeta could not deny her and slowly sheathed himself in her. This time when they both groaned it was in pleasure. Katniss opened her legs wider and Peeta wrapped them around his waist; this time she moved with him and they found a rhythm. His movements were more fluid and bolder than the previous night. Peeta reached his hand down to where they joined and stroked her, causing her to mewl in ecstasy. Soon she was moaning his name and tightened around him. After she’d stilled, Peeta pulled out. Katniss looked at him and saw that he was stroking himself.

She sat up slightly to get a better vantage. She was entranced by the sight of him kneeling before her with his hand on his hard member, but the thought of how unfair it was that he had to finish himself struck her. “Please let me,” she whispered, kneeling before him and wrapping her hand around him. 

He let out a guttural moan at the contact. “Like this,” he implored, and covered her hand with his and then with the other hand he took her free one and placed them on an undiscovered part of his manhood. She cupped his sack in her hand and marveled at how very different his anatomy was from her own. Peeta placed his hands on her hips and pulled her as close as he could.“Please don’t stop,” he whispered in a thick voice. Soon he was bucking in her hand and his breathing was shallow. Peeta watched her hands as they worked. He grunted and Katniss felt him throb in her hand as a warm, thick liquid spurted on her stomach. Peeta rested his forehead on hers and caught his breath. “That was amazing.” Then he surveyed the mess they’d made, and reached over to the nightstand and pulled several tissues from the box and started to clean her off. “Sorry.” Katniss could not help but notice the satisfied smile that covered his face.

“You don’t look it,” she teased.

“What can I say?” He grinned and laid down and pulled her next to him. “I love watching your tiny hands wrapped around me. But I’ll get us some condoms this week so you won’t have to do that.”

“It was alright,” she admitted. “I like doing that for you. We can still do it like that sometimes.”Peeta gave her a surprised look and a wide smile, causing her to blush. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because every time that I think that I couldn’t love and desire you any more if I tried, you do or say something like that and I fall a little deeper,” Peeta truthfully told her, then he moved over her again and started to place open mouth kisses down her face to her neck. “And I’m going to make sure that you know how much I adore you.”

“How do you plan on doing that?” Katniss asked in feigned ignorance as his head moved further and further down her body.

Peeta kissed her naval and looked her in the eye, “By making love to you all night, Mrs. Mellark.”

Katniss closed her eyes and thought, _I love the sound of that!_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	12. chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has commented on this story, you guys inspire me so much!
> 
> Also I want to give huge thanks to kismet4891 and kantnissinme, the world’s best beta.

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 12**

The air was crisp, and the recent mild spell had melted all of the snow and ice. Katniss and Prim decided to walk to the bakery to get some breakfast and visit with Peeta for a little while. It was the Tuesday after Christmas, and Prim would be on break for the rest of the week.

Once they were on their way, Katniss regretted choosing to go by foot over driving. She hadn’t realized just how very sore she was until she started walking. She was also aware of the telltale cramping sensation low in her abdomen, signaling her that in the next day or so her monthly would start. Although she hated her monthly, for once it was welcome. _At least that means that I’m not pregnant._ Katniss tried hard to walk normally, but it was difficult. The new pastime that she and Peeta had enjoyed over the last few days had left her body trying to recover.

Since she and Peeta had consummated their marriage they had been together at least half a dozen times. Peeta went out of his way to make her comfortable and satisfied. He was teaching her how to handle his body and had been very patient with her, even when she accidently hurt him by handling him too firmly.

Every time they’d made love Peeta had been very sweet and gentle, with the exception of what happened in the wee hours this morning. Long after they’d fallen asleep Peeta had a terrible nightmare, thrashing and mumbling incoherently. Katniss had to shake him out of his dream stupor. When he had finally fully awoken he had huskily pleaded, “Katniss, help me forget, just for a little while.”

She understood immediately what he wanted. They had already been naked due to the fact that they had made love before falling asleep earlier. Katniss turned on the bedside lamp and opened the nightstand drawer to find the box of condoms that Peeta had purchased on his way home from work. After pulling one out, Katniss moved to turn off the light. Peeta reached for her hand and pleaded, “Please, I want to see you.” His eyes were dark and full of lust. She found it enticing, and warmth flooded her extremities as her body reacted to his desire for her.

Katniss nodded, and Peeta crashed his lips to hers. His kiss was urgent as his hands sought her body. Katniss could sense his need to get lost in the moment, to distance himself from his nightmare. She returned his kiss ardently. He was soon rock hard and grinding into her thigh. His hand traveled between her thighs to test her readiness. Finding her wet, he skillfully slid a condom on before burying himself completely into her in one swift motion. She gasped at the unexpected intrusion but quickly adjusted and tried to match his fervor. Peeta grasped her rear with both hands and pumped into her relentlessly. This was not the affectionate sort of lovemaking that Katniss had experienced thus far, this was nearly animalistic. _If this is what he needs, I’ll do it._ Much to her surprise she mewled and whined in enjoyment. Katniss never imagined that such intense intercourse could be so pleasurable, yet her ultimate peak seemed just out of reach. Peeta sensed this, and he suddenly stopped thrusting into her, opting instead to kiss a trail down her body. He stopped at the juncture of her thighs were he traced her folds with his tongue as he licked and teased, bringing her close to the edge before abruptly stopping once again.

Katniss whined in protest. Peeta sat and leaned his back against the headboard, smiling wickedly and explaining, “I want to try something different.” Peeta guided her to his lap and brought her leg over his hip so that she sat on her knees as he guided himself to her entrance. He placed his hands on her hips and urged, “Hold on to my shoulders and ease yourself down.”

Katniss followed his instructions and was instantly aware of how different and how much larger he felt this way. At first Peeta did all of the work, slowly bucking his hips as he held her in place. As the initial awkwardness of the position melted away, Katniss became more accustomed to the new sensation and she began to rock her body. Peeta stilled and kissed her neck. When he found a spot that made her moan and sink further onto him, he latched onto it and sucked. When Katniss found an angle that felt superior, she began to ride him harder and faster. His grip on her tightened and he helped her maintain a rhythm. She felt the familiar sensation building deep within her, she was so close. Peeta nuzzled his face between her breasts before he lathed them with his mouth, using his teeth and his tongue in equal parts. Katniss moaned and couldn’t believe the exquisite feel of his mouth tugging on the peaks of her breasts as she moved. She dug her fingers into Peeta’s shoulders and exploded, calling out his name as she finally crested.

“Katniss,” Peeta groaned, “don’t stop!” Katniss tried to keep her momentum going but was finding it difficult while in the midst of her orgasm. Before Katniss realized what was happening she was on her back. He thrust into her at a frantic pace. The sounds of slapping skin and the creaking bed frame filled the room until at last he’d also reached his high with a loud groan, his face contorted, emptying himself in the condom. Katniss relished the feel of his throbbing shaft while her body squeezed him in the aftershocks of her release. He deftly handled the used condom andlaid down at her side, holding her tight against his body. They were a quivering, sweaty mess. “That’s my girl,” he praised her in a whisper and stroked her hair. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Katniss wondered aloud. But the answer never came; Peeta was already asleep again. Katniss smiled to herself, happy to know that she had been able to give him what he needed to be at peace and chase away the nightmares. The last thing she remembered was turning off the light, snuggling with her husband and listening to his heart beat.

When she woke later alone in their bed she momentarily thought it all a dream until she caught a glimpse of her naked body in the dressing table mirror. She had an ugly purple mark where her shoulder and neck met, and finger-sized bruises on each hip. On one level she was in awe of how powerful she had felt in the new position, and how strong her release had been. Yet on another level she was mortified at the aftermath. Not to mention how badly she knew Peeta would feel when he saw the marks later; he was always so careful not to harm her. She put on a high-collared blouse and left her braid down, draped over the shoulder where the mark was, and just hoped that she could keep it covered.

Prim skipped into the bakery and happily greeted Peeta and Thom. “Good morning, beautiful,” Peeta greeted his wife jovially as he kissed her on the cheek and tugged on her braid. “I love when you when wear your braid down.”

“Good morning, and thank you,” she returned, and took her seat at the counter. Peeta got tea for himself and Katniss and a glass of milk for Prim.

They all exchanged pleasant chit-chat while they ate their doughnuts. Prim ate hers quickly. Then she asked naively, “Did you guys hear strange noises really early this morning?”

“No,” Katniss answered with a curious look. _Surely she didn’t hear us._

“It was awful, there was a whole lot of rattling and grunting. It sounded like it was on your side of the house.” Prim explained further, “It sounded like pigs or dogs or some sort of animals.” Katniss could feel the blood drain out of her face. _She heard us!_

She caught Peeta’s eye. His face was also ashen for a moment but he quickly recovered, smiled and offered a very believable answer as he convincingly said, “No, honey, we didn’t, but maybe the neighbor’s dogs were fighting again.” Prim seemed happy with the explanation. He further deflected her attention by suggesting, “Why don’t you go help Thom get ready for the morning rush?” Prim liked to help in the bakery so she readily accepted and ran to the storefront.

As soon as Prim was out of sight Peeta leaned in and whispered in Katniss’s ear, “I had a nightmare and we made love in the middle of the night. Real, or did I imagine that?”

Katniss covered her cheeks with her hands to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks and breathed, “Real.”

“It got a little heated, if I recall correctly,” Peeta said lowly. “I didn’t leave any marks or hurt you, did I?”

Katniss reluctantly unbuttoned her collar and showed him the ugly mark on her neck. “There are also some little bruises on my hips, but they don’t hurt.”

Peeta winced and immediately started to apologize. “Katniss, I’m so sorry. I never meant to leave any marks. Did I hurt you _anywhere else_?”

Katniss could see the concern in his face and hear the regret in his voice. She knew what “anywhere else” referred to. She didn’t want to lie to him, and yet she didn’t want to make him feel bad about her physical discomfort. “I’m a little sore, but I think it’s because my monthly is due, too.”

“I’m so sorry I got carried away,” Peeta sincerely said. “I feel so bad, I never want to hurt you.”

“Peeta, I’m fine.” Katniss placed her hand on his knee and softly soothed him. “Really, it’s alright, I’m tough,” and then she shyly added, “besides, I kind of liked it.”

“I did too,” Peeta grinned back, and kissed her forehead. “But we’re going to take a break for a few nights.” Katniss agreed. As much as she loved coupling with her husband, her body needed a respite.

Peeta finished his tea and got ready to return to work. He asked, “So what is your plan for the rest of the day?”

“Annie and I are going to Portia’s,” Katniss informed her husband.

“Oh, that’s right, you get your dress,” Peeta quipped playfully. “Can you tell me what it looks like?”

“Nope, because I don’t know myself,” Katniss declared.

“Well, I’m sure it will be lovely,” Peeta told her confidently.

“You’d tell me that I was ‘lovely’ if I wore a flour sack,” Katniss laughed.

“Because you would be, sweetheart,” Peeta told his wife with a naughty grin. And then he whispered in her ear, “But of course I think you look best in nothing.”

Katniss turned crimson and shook her head. _This taking a break idea will be hard to do._

 

Later that afternoon, Katniss and Annie walked arm-in-arm to the seamstress’ shop, giggling and laughing like a pair of school girls. They were all on their own this afternoon, as Mrs. Seeder was watching Prim and Rue who were getting the chance to play with the living baby doll Lil’ Finnie. Katniss was enjoying the novelty of having a true friend of the same gender.  She had always been an introvert and when she did play with other kids she had preferred the company of boys. Although she had been friendly with other girls at school, such as Madge Undersee and Delly Cartwright, she had never truly considered them to be friends. She and Madge often sat together but hardly ever spoke, and Delly was just kind to everyone.

They pushed open the door and Portia greeted them with a smile and asked excitedly, “Are you ready to see your party dress, Katniss?”

“I guess so,” Katniss replied cautiously. She had no idea what her new dress looked like. A month ago Peeta suggested that she get a nice dress to wear after they had received the party invitation from Mrs. Undersee. Katniss had wanted to pass on the party, but Finnick and Annie insisted that they come along so they wouldn’t get bored. She was nervous and didn’t know exactly what sort of dress fit the bill. Her family, humble farmers, had never been welcome at such a party – it was for the well-to-do citizens of their small hamlet.

When Portia was told what the dress was for she just smiled and assured Katniss, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll make you something wonderful.” Portia had kept the dress a secret, even to the point that Katniss didn’t know what color it was.

So when Portia carried out a beautiful, dark red, ankle-length gown, at first Katniss thought that it was for someone else. So she was surprised when Portia said with a wide smile, “Come on, let’s try it on you and see how it fits!” After putting it on, taking care to hide the mark on her neck, Katniss looked at the mirror curiously. The woman who stared at her was really quite striking; she was shapely, elegant, and truly beautiful. Portia commented, “I know it’s a little bolder than what you’re used to, but I decided to go with it anyway. Red is your color, so lovely against your skin.”

“Thank you, Portia,” was all that Katniss could get out. Katniss had trusted Portia fully, and now she was glad she had.

“Oh, Katniss, Peeta will love it!” Annie exclaimed happily. The dark red dress she wore was very chic and modern. It looked like something that would have come from a high-class store in Chicago or New York.  The wide black belt exaggerated the narrowness of her waist while showcasing her newfound curves. The dress was sleeveless and the neckline plunged, giving the illusion that her breasts were larger than they truly were. She admired the embroidered flowers and shiny black buttons. By far this was the fanciest dress Katniss had ever owned. For the first time in her life, Katniss felt attractive, and her heart sank a little. _I can’t wear this for the party, everyone will think that I’m a Jezebel if I do._

Portia must have sensed her doubt. “Oh, I nearly forgot the jacket. It makes it more appropriate for these types of gatherings.” Portia produced a matching short jacket with slightly puffy, three-quarter-length sleeves. Once Katniss put it on the outfit changed – now it was elegant and sophisticated with a little sexiness. The whole ensemble was very tasteful and appealing, perfect for the new bride of a handsome baker. 

“Well, it looks like this fits almost perfectly,” Portia said as she helped Katniss out of the jacket, “but I think I may need to alter the shoulders on the dress a little,” Portia commented as she moved Katniss’s braid to examine the dress. Katniss flinched when Portia gasped, and then stifled a laugh. She’d found what Katniss had wanted so desperately to hide.

“Looks like somebody got a love bite,” Annie giggled when she saw what Portia had seen. “No wonder you’re walking funny today.”

Katniss wanted to crawl into a corner and die of embarrassment. She tried very hard to not think about how the ugly purple mark had come to be on her neck. She felt that they could somehow read her mind and discover how impassioned and frenzied she and Peeta’s lovemaking had been. 

“Oh, Katniss,” Annie soothed, “I’m just teasing. Besides, I only know because I’ve been there myself. Finnick gave me an awful love bite a couple of days before our wedding. I could have shot him. Thankfully it faded quickly. Yours will be long gone by the party.”

“Believe me, I’ve seen much worse,” Portia added. “After all, I sew for Miss Trinket. Once I saw a hand shaped bruise on her rump – she wears very little in the way of underclothes. Then she volunteered to tell me how she got it! I’ll not repeat it, I was so disturbed for days afterwards. ”

Katniss and Annie laughed at the disgusted look on Portia’s face. Katniss felt some relief at knowing that she wasn’t alone in the embarrassing situation.  They all congenially chatted on more polite subjects as Portia altered Katniss dress and then Annie’s, which had to be let out a little since she’d had Lil’ Finnie. Annie was one of those rare, true beauties standing in her emerald green dress – no one would ever guess she’d recently had a baby.

When their dresses were ready, they paid Portia and made their way back to Katniss’s house. As they passed the pharmacy, Annie tugged Katniss in and over to the soda counter. “Come on! I’ll buy you a coke.” Annie bought two bottles of coke and two Hershey’s chocolate nickel bars, and found a quiet table in the corner where they sat down and enjoyed their treat. They had been mostly quiet, so it took Katniss by surprise when Annie remarked, “So, I see that you and Peeta have been enjoying married life.”

Katniss nearly spit out her coke, and then cleared her throat. “I suppose so.”

Annie smiled at her, “Finnick and I were talking and we would be happy to take Prim overnight so you and Peeta can have some privacy. On New Year’s Eve my Grandma is going to watch Finnie, and Prim would be more than welcome to come over too, and she might as well spend the night. Finnick and I could take her to church on Sunday and you and Peeta could get her later in the day. It would give you a chance to _sleep in_ without any interruptions. After all, you two have been married nearly two months and haven’t had any time to yourselves.”

Katniss thought about it for a moment and remembered Prim’s questions from this morning. _It would be nice to not have to muffle the noises we make or lock the door every time._ “Thank you, Annie, I’ll talk to Peeta about it.”

Annie nodded and then said softy, “When you go home take some aspirin and soak in a warm bath with some mild soap – that really helps me. After a while, your body gets used to it. And don’t be afraid to ask for a break if you need it, Peeta will understand.” Katniss didn’t know how to respond so she just nodded her head. “Oh, I forget how young you are and how new you are to this. It’s alright – you can ask me anything you want to, please don’t be embarrassed. We’re adults and can talk about these things.”

“Thank you, Annie,” Katniss said in earnest.

Annie graciously changed the subject, “I was thinking that you could come to my house on Saturday afternoon and I could help you with your hair. I have a ton of style magazines, and I got a new curling iron for Christmas.”

“Is there something wrong with my hair?” Katniss asked. She knew that she wasn’t exactly up on fashion, but she didn’t think that there was anything the matter with how she styled it. Peeta was always saying how much he liked it.

“Oh no, sweetheart,” Annie quickly offered, “I just thought that you’d want to look extra special since Mrs. Billings will be at the party.”

Katniss froze. _Clove was going to be at the party?! Why had no one told me?_ She started to fiddle with her bottle of coke and said quietly, “I didn’t know that.”

“I don’t think Peeta does either. She just moved in with her mother, I think. And the Fields are still fairly prominent,” Annie explained, then she gave Katniss a conspiratorial grin. “I was thinking how wonderful it would be for Peeta to come to the party with his new bride looking her best.”

Katniss laughed a little, “Oh my goodness, Annie, I never imagined that you’d be the type to encourage someone to show off.”

Annie shrugged her shoulders, “I’ve heard stories about how she treated Peeta, and anyone who could be so cruel to him deserves to have a little salt rubbed in her wounds.”

Katniss thought about it for a moment and the idea appealed to her. She agreed to let Annie do her hair and makeup for the party. Annie’s line of thinking appealed to her. Katniss had nothing but contempt for Clove ever since Peeta had told her about the night she laughed in his face and allowed Cato to dismiss him from the house. Katniss loved the thought of Clove seeing Peeta full of smiles, looking adoringly at his wife.

Katniss hated to admit it, but she had a burning curiosity about Clove. She wanted to see for herself if she had horns and a pointy tail in real life, just as she did in Katniss’s imagination.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, in case you didn’t know there is a companion story that goes along with this one, In Name Only- Peeta’s POV.
> 
> I also wrote a Spring Fling gift exchange for fnur, The Last Sunday. Summary- It is the last Sunday before the Reaping for the 3rd Quarter Quell and Gale is helping Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch train. Canon fic. Told from Gale’s POV, as he watches and interactions between the Victors and ponders his fate.


	13. chapter 13 part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my gracious and talented betas kismet and katnissinme.
> 
> In case you haven't already, I suggest that you find and read In Name Only-Peeta's POVit will give you some insight as to what is going on in the next few chapters.
> 
> And I must apologize, this chapter got a bit busy and long so it has been split into to parts, please don't hate me...

 

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 13**

**part 1**

"Almost done, Katniss, just a few more pins and your hair will be finished," Annie assured Katniss for the third time. "I know I've said it before, but this time I mean it….I never expected you to have this much hair."

Katniss had been sitting at Annie's vanity table for the last hour while her hair had been assaulted with styling products, combs, brushes, a curling iron, and at least fifty bobby pins. She could not see what was being done to her, but Prim, who was watching from her seat on the Odair's bed, and Annie told her over and over again how lovely it looked. When her hair was finally done, Annie placed the new rhinestone comb atop her dark chocolate ringlets, but she still wasn't quite finished with Katniss. Annie shaped her nails, powdered her all over, curled and coated her lashes with mascara, brushed her cheeks with rouge, and finally applied a light layer of red lipstick. Annie smiled at her handiwork and announced, "Alright, you can look now."

Katniss's jaw dropped when she looked in the mirror. She looked nothing like the mousy teenager who had walked in the room just a short while ago. The reflection staring back at her made her admit that all that time and irritation were worth the results. She was beautiful. Her face looked like one of Prim's doll's and her hair resembled a movie star's done up with pin curls. "Oh, Annie, thank you," was all she could muster.

"Katniss, you're so beautiful," Prim squealed and clapped her hands. "Peeta won't know it's you!"

Annie and Katniss looked at each other and tried not to laugh at Prim's unintended slight. A short while later they were both ready after hours of primping. Finnick had just started to teasingly bellow at them from the foot of the stairs. "Ladies, we're going to be late for all the boredom!"

"Finnick, you're a grown man," Annie scolded her husband as they descended the stairs. "There is no need to shout like an impatient child. It's not like you're ever in a big hurry to get to these things anyhow."

"I don't want to go, I just want to see the two most attractive women in town all gussied up," Finnick corrected his wife with a twinkle in his eye.

The phone rang and Finnick went to the kitchen to answer it. He returned a few minutes later with a perplexed look on his face. "Um, that was Peeta, there was some trouble at the bakery. Katniss, he said that Annie and I are to take you to the party and he'll be along shortly."

"What happened?" Katniss asked, suddenly concerned. Peeta should have been at the Odair home half an hour ago, it was not like him to be late.

"Someone threw bricks through the windows. Probably some teenagers who got lit up on moonshine a bit too early. This kind of stuff happens from time-to-time, it's nothing to worry about, and that's what insurance is for. Come on, ladies, let's kiss the kiddies goodbye for the evening and get on our way."

They said their goodnights to Prim, Finnie, and Grandma Mags. Prim was thrilled to get a chance to spend the night at the Odair home. Grandma Mags had promised to teach her how to crochet after Finnie fell asleep.

Katniss was worried about Peeta and the bakery, but Annie and Finnick assured her that everything would be alright – some boys had broken the windows out of Finnick's law office a couple of years ago, and they relayed the story in the hopes it would allay her concerns. Unfortunately, it did not do much to comfort her.

Thom had relayed to Katniss and Peeta that he thought someone had been hanging around the bakery when he got there the past few mornings, judging by the pile of fresh cigarette butts at the corner of the building, but he couldn't be sure. It had given Katniss an uneasy feeling, especially coupled with Prim's swearing that she'd seen a man sneaking through the yard a couple of nights ago. Katniss and Peeta had dismissed it as being an animal or a result of reading The Wizard of Oz too late at night. Katniss was now wondering if there was actually something to it and made a mental note to start locking the doors at night. Finnick tried to cheer her up by bragging the whole way how he felt like a sheik, having two beautiful women on his arm.

When Finnick led them into the Undersee's "ballroom" (which was really two large rooms connected by double doors) she was totally taken aback. Katniss didn't know what to expect when she went to the Mayor's house for the annual New Year's party, but it certainly wasn't any of this. She had been in the Undersee home several times while trading, though she realized she had never traveled further than the modest kitchen.

The Undersee's Victorian house was the largest in town. It had been built by Jonah Undersee, Sr. fifty years ago. The interior of the house had been designed to impress – the grand room in which they stood was filled with carved, wood paneled walls and was lit by crystal chandeliers. Recreations of Impressionist paintings hung on the walls, expensive looking vases with other porcelain baubles sat on pedestals, and tables were scattered around the room. Mr. Undersee had practiced law for many years before dabbling in local politics. He had been the Mayor for the better part of the last decade.

Nearly eighty of the finest citizens of their small town and the surrounding area were in their best outfits. There were a few men, for example Mayor Undersee, forced by their wives to wear tuxedos. Most others were in their Sunday suits, looking dapper dressed up in vests with silk ties, pocket squares, and French cut shirts accented by cuff links.

The women's dresses varied in color and design. Some women wore their nicest church dress enhanced with costume jewelry and a fur stole, while others had actual gowns that ranged from modest to gaudy. Katniss thought that both her and Annie's dresses were somewhere in between, which was ideal.

Finnick approached Katniss and offered her his arm, "Don't look now, but you're getting the death stare from quite a few  _ladies_ at the moment," his eyebrows waggled comically as he emphasized that they were, in fact, only ladies by name.

Annie joined the pair, demanding in a surprising tone, "Give me your jacket."

"What?!" Katniss spat, shocked at Annie's demand.

"Give me your jacket, I'll put it with your coat for you. I think that you need to show off a little," Annie explained. "Believe me, even without the jacket your dress is far more modest than some women here. Anyway, you can pull it off with your trim little figure!"

After looking around, she noticed that some of the other woman had far thinner shoulder straps and some were even baring their backs. Katniss was hesitant but trusted Annie. She was at least able to wear a brassiere under her dress. Discreetly, she slipped off her short jacket and handed it to Annie.

The Odairs kept her close for the first half hour. Katniss knew a few people there, but not well enough to have a conversation. Katniss was talking to Mr. Twill, Prim's principal, when she heard, "Oh, my goodness, Katniss it is so wonderful to see you!" Katniss turned to see a tall, shapely blonde in a lovely sapphire blue gown, her former classmate, Madge Undersee.

The two visited for a long while and got caught up. Madge told Katniss about how much she'd missed her senior year and about her own life at college. Madge congratulated her on her marriage. Katniss thanked her and told Madge how happy she, Peeta, and Prim were.

"Oh, Katniss, you're so lucky! Mr. Mellark is a very good looking man, he's got the prettiest eyes I've ever seen on a man," Madge gushed. Katniss was secretly proud to have someone else praise Peeta's best features.

While they were visiting Gale Hawthorne approached them. Madge had mentioned earlier that she had invited him. Katniss had always thought that Madge had a crush on Gale, like most of the girls at school did. "Katniss, I hardly recognized you," Gale exclaimed. "Married life is treating you well, it seems."

"Yes, it is," Katniss concurred.

"The dancing has just started, Katniss. How about taking a spin around the dance floor with a childhood friend?" Gale asked Katniss. The corners of Madge's mouth fell; it was obvious that Madge was disappointed that he hadn't asked her instead.

"Oh, no, Gale," Katniss tried to refuse. She had never been too fond of dancing, except with Prim, and then Katniss always had to take the lead. Not to mention the fact that if she couldn't dance with her husband then she didn't want to dance with any man. Peeta had once told her that even before the war, he couldn't dance well. With his injured leg, it was even more difficult and uncomfortable; he was worried about his leg giving out on the dance floor.  _Where is Peeta, anyway? He should be here, it's past nine o'clock._

"Oh, come on Katniss," Gale chided, grabbing her hand and dragging her out to the dance floor. Katniss went along just so she wouldn't cause a scene. The tune that was being played was slow. Katniss maintained a respectable distance between them, although the hand on her waist tried to pull her closer. "Do you remember when we were kids and our Mamas made us dance together?"

Katniss smiled at the memory. About the time Katniss was eleven and Gale was thirteen, her Mama and Mrs. Hawthorne decided that it was time that they learned how to dance properly. It also just so happened to be about the time that Gale had started to refuse to play with Katniss because she wasn't a boy. The results were disastrous. She had stomped hard on Gale's foot because he told her that she ran like a girl. The two had barely been civil to each other ever since; they weren't really friends, but not enemies either. "I'm sorry about your foot," Katniss halfheartedly apologized.

"Well don't be, I had it coming. I regret it now. If I had known that you would have turned out to be such a looker I would have been nicer to you," Gale admitted.

Katniss laughed softly and replied, "It wouldn't have helped. Besides, I think I've ended up where I belong."

"I'm glad that you're happy, you and Prim deserve it," Gale earnestly said. He looked around the room and declared, "I never could have imagined then that the two of us would be at the Mayor's mansion, dancing among all the self-important snobs."

"I wouldn't have either," Katniss confessed. "But not everyone here is so bad. In fact, I'm rather fond of some of them, I even married one. Plus, Madge is a very sweet girl and was always nice to me at school. You should ask her for the next dance."

Gale gave a noncommittal grunt and said lowly, "So where is your husband? I've not seen him all night."

"Someone tried to break into the bakery. Peeta was dealing with the Deputies, but I thought that he'd be here by now," Katniss told him.

"Any clue as to who did it?" Gale asked. "Does the baker have any enemies?"

Katniss laughed a little and replied,"Most likely just some kids. Peeta is not the type to have an enemy. I can't imagine anyone disliking him – he's the most genuine person I know."

The song was ending when Gale said, "Speaking of your husband, it looks like he just walked in." Gale motioned his head to Peeta's direction. "He's near the hearth, talking to Sheriff Thread."

"Oh, good," Katniss sighed, "Thank you for the dance, Gale, um, I'm going to go see Peeta."

Katniss left Gale and made her way over to where Peeta stood talking to the Sheriff in a corner in hushed tones. She caught a portion of their conversation, and could hear Peeta saying, "…Thread you have got to get him put away."

"I've put him away several times. Judge Coin won't keep him locked up. He's his uncle by marriage,." Thread replied. "Someone is going to get hurt before anything gets done."

Peeta's back was to her, but she could tell that he was wearing the same grey flannel suit that he wore when they got married. She also could tell that he had his cane; it was not uncommon for Peeta to need his cane if he'd been on his feet all day, and today had certainly been a long day. Katniss cleared her throat to let them know that she was approaching. When he turned his eyes went wide and a huge, silly smile covered his face. "Wow, Katniss, you look beautiful."

"Thank you," she said and felt a blush creep up her cheeks when she met her husband's gaze. Peeta took her hand and kissed it, but when she looked over to the Sheriff the enchanted moment was broken. Thread was one of her least favorite people. "Sheriff, good evening."

Thread dipped his head and acknowledged her then turned to Peeta, "Well, Mr. Mellark, I'll leave you to enjoy your evening with your lovely wife. Just remember, call the department at any time if you think anything is amiss."

As soon as they were left alone Peeta hugged his wife tightly and gave her a chaste kiss.

"Peeta, what happened at the bakery?" Katniss asked, her voice full of concern.

"I'll tell you all about it later," Peeta promised, and then whispered, "I just want to enjoy the evening with you, especially when we get home. Don't get me wrong, I love your sister, but I can't wait to get you alone in the house later. You better drink some coffee, because I have every intention of keeping you awake all night. I must say that you look as luminous as the sun tonight, you far outshine everyone else."

Katniss rolled her eyes at his over-the-top comment; he only assured her that he was telling the truth. Katniss bit her lip in anticipation and she gave her husband a seductive look in reply. She then looked around the room and realized that they were not alone. "We had better go visit people or else we'll get into trouble." They walked around the room for a while, and everyone asked about the bakery. Peeta dismissed it as nothing more than troublesome kids, but Katniss could tell that there was something more to it."So, how bad is the bakery?" Katniss asked in a more serious tone, in between conversations with other partygoers.

Peeta took a deep breath, "It's not too bad, but I'll have to go in tomorrow and clean it up."

"I'll help you," she offered and Peeta nodded his head. Katniss could tell that there was a lot more on Peeta's mind but this was not the time to be talking about it. It was a time to enjoy being together, it could wait until tomorrow.

For a while they made the rounds with various people in the room. The mood of the crowd was generally jovial; people were more optimistic with a new President coming into office soon. Katniss saw people sneaking drinks from flasks, so half the room was already partially drunk. Katniss's dress and hair were praised by many, and Peeta beamed with pride. He took every opportunity to whisper in her ear what he would do to her when they got home, making it hard for her to concentrate on the party.

After chatting with Mr. and Mrs. Lyme, Peeta took his wife by the hand and looked around the room. Most of the partygoers were dancing or otherwise distracted. He leaned into her neck and whispered seductively, "Come with me."

"What are we doing?" Katniss wondered aloud.

"Getting into trouble," Peeta told her secretively, and lead Katniss down a hallway to a large closet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope to have the second part up soon. Spoiler- Katniss finally meets Clove.


	14. chapter 13 part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would to thank the wonderful and talented ladies who graciously beta this work, kismet4891 and katnissinme.

 

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 13**

**Part 2**

“What are we doing?” Katniss wondered aloud.

“Getting into trouble,” Peeta told her secretively, and led Katniss down a hallway to a large closet, then urged her inside. As soon as the door was shut he set down his cane, pulled on a string and lit the space. Katniss felt her body being gently pushed against the door and Peeta’s lips on hers. His hands roved her body and grasped her rear as she felt his hardness press tightly on her hip. Lost in the moment, she forgot about all of the other people at the party who might try to open the door at any second.

Right now, all she could think about was Peeta’s strong, solid body leaning against hers, and the knowledge of how good he could make her feel with it. They’d not made love since their intense coupling in the wee hours of the morning days ago. She had been on her monthly, and even when it was finished, Peeta wanted to be totally sure that she had recovered before they were together again. However, that had not stopped him from pleasuring her with his mouth last night; when she had gone to reciprocate by touching him, he would not allow it. It was almost as if he was offering penance for harming her to begin with.

Peeta broke the kiss and took a ragged breath. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist any longer, that dress is something else – I can’t wait to see it on our bedroom floor. I just want to get you home and make you call out my name as loudly as you can.”

“Who says you have to wait?” Katniss huskily inquired and reached for Peeta’s belt, quickly undoing it, and dropping his pants. She reached her hand in his open trousers, located the object of her desire and, wrapping her hand around it firmly, started to stroke.

Peeta let out a gasp, “Katniss!” he admonished. “What are you doing? We can’t do this here!” 

“I just want to pay back a favor - everything else can wait until we get home.” Her tone was low. Katniss felt a sudden compulsion to make her husband feel good.  She had been curious for a while about pleasuring Peeta with her mouth, really, ever since he had started doing it for her. Her shyness and novice status made it impossible to ask Peeta about it. _Is that something that wives do? Would he even like it?_ She had worked up the nerve to ask Annie about it while they got ready for the evening as Prim played with Finnie in another room. Annie had assured her that Peeta would like it, but not to expect to be great at it the first time. She sank down to her knees and experimentally kissed the head.  Peeta groaned approvingly. Emboldened, she licked him from base to tip before taking him in her mouth.

“Oh, Katniss,” he moaned as he braced himself against the door and ever so slightly thrust his hips. Katniss took it as a sign to move so she started to bob her head back and forth. “Suck on it,” Peeta implored. She followed his instruction, and wrapped one hand around the base of his member and placed the other on the thigh of his good leg. When she looked up at him, she found that he was watching her, glassy-eyed. There was some grazing with her teeth, and an awkward gag when she took him too deep. Yet she must have been doing something right because in no time he was panting and warning her that he was close. After a second of thought she decided that it would be best to swallow it. Peeta came with a grunt, and Katniss struggled to consume his thick, bitter cum. Peeta caught his breath and helped her to stand, kissing her softly.

“Mrs. Mellark, I never knew that you were such a wanton woman,” Peeta teased. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“You’ve made me that way, Mr. Mellark… teasing me, whispering scandalous things in my ear,” Katniss playfully told him. “Then there was last night – you wouldn’t let me touch you after you did such incredible things for me. I’ve wanted to repay the favor for a while now.”

“Well, you did a fine job,” Peeta praised her.

Katniss bit back a giggle when she noticed, as Peeta tucked himself back into his shorts, that his manhood was stained red.  Peeta gave her a questioning look, to which she responded with a grin, “I rubbed off on you.”

“I’m glad you told me, I probably would have thought that I had a rash in the morning,” Peeta chuckled. He then looked at his watch and declared, “We’d better get back out there before someone finds us.”

They helped to straighten each other up and Katniss pulled out her compact mirror, reapplying her lipstick. She couldn’t help but smile, thinking about how Peeta was sporting the same shade under his clothes. Peeta left the closet first and she slinked out a minute later, trying her best to look innocent, which was hard to do considering she was carrying his cane which he had forgotten in the closet. Peeta greeted her with a cup of punch and a grin, “I thought that you might want this.”

“You may want this, too,” Katniss’ face flushed as she traded the cane for the cup and quietly said, “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry,” Peeta whispered in her ear, “nobody knows. Besides, that closet is sort of infamous. Most everyone has made use of it over the years.”

“Have you?” Katniss questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“No,” he responded, and pushed a stray hair out of her face, “You’re the only one I’ve been in a closet with.”

Peeta got pulled away by the long-winded grocer who wanted to drone on and on about the price of flour. Katniss walked away with the excuse of needing to powder her nose. When she came back out, Finnick hooked her arm and beamed at her mischievously. “Since your husband is indisposed, I’ll introduce you to some people you may not know.”

Finnick immediately took her across the room to a petite woman with short, dark hair, whom Katniss would have thought to be pretty were it not for the sour look on her face. From behind, the long-sleeved, vibrant orange dress looked conservative. It was not until the woman turned to face them that Katniss saw that the neck line dipped down to a wide rhinestone belt that hung at her waist. It was obvious that she was not wearing any undergarments. _Yes, my dress is mild compared to this one!_

“Mrs. Billings,” Finnick called out to her in an overly friendly voice. “Or are you going by Miss Fields these days? I see that you’re advertising your attributes.”

 _So, this is Clove?_ Katniss tried to put on a pleasant face and stood a little straighter, her pride bolstered by the thought of what she had done for her husband in the closet just a while ago. Peeta was _hers,_ that was a fact, but for some reason the thought of how she’d marked his most intimate part made her flush with pride. With a flustered smile Katniss reaffirmed to herself, _“He belongs to me!”_

“Finnick,” Clove said lowly, and rolled her eyes.

“Clove, how long has it been?” Finnick smarmily asked. “’Cause it certainly has not been long enough?!”

Katniss had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing as Clove’s already pinched expression became even more annoyed. “Are you always so charming in front of your daughter…Oh, I meant wife?”

“Oh, no, this isn’t _my_ wife,” Finnick enlightened her, taking careful measures to point Annie out and give her a little wave. “My wife is the gorgeous woman in the green dress over there talking to Miss Undersee. May I introduce you to Mrs. Katniss Mellark? She’s _Peeta’s_ wife.”

Clove’s eyes grew wide for a moment as she looked Katniss up and down and then nodded her head in acknowledgement, but she did not extend her hand.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Billings,” Katniss said pleasantly.

“Huh, you were prettier in Peeta’s drawing,” Clove commented under her breath, but still loud enough to be heard.

 _When would she have seen a picture Peeta had drawn of me?_ While Katniss was trying to discern the meaning of Clove’s words, someone put their hands on her waist and she felt a familiar set of lips on her neck, causing her to jump. When she turned around she was relieved to see her husband standing behind her. “Peeta, you startled me!”

“Well, we’ll have to mark this day,” Peeta chuckled, “It’s the first time in years that I was able sneak up on anybody.” Suddenly he noticed who Katniss and Finnick were talking to and his demeanor changed instantly. He greeted her coolly, but politely. “Hello, Clove, I’d heard that you’d moved back to town. I was sorry to learn about your father.”

“Thank you,” Clove replied with all the heartfelt emotion of a cold fish. “He had a bad heart, so it was no surprise. At least the children and I can keep Mother company so she won’t be overcome with grief.”

“How sweet?” Finnick retorted. Peeta gave him an irritated look. Katniss was sure that Peeta would lecture Finnick later for dragging her over here to meet Clove. Finnick smiled triumphantly and then became more serious when he addressed Peeta. “So, how are things at the bakery? I saw you talking to Thread.”

“Oh, yes, everybody is talking about it,” Clove interjected, trying to sound concerned. “The word is that it was broken into.”

Peeta gave Clove a measured look. “The front windows were broken, yes. It looked like they got inside and tried to get into the cash register, but they must have gotten scared off,” Peeta informed them. “I boarded up the windows and I’ve already ordered new glass.”

Clove asked, “Do you have any clue as to who it was?”

“No,” Peeta admitted, but Katniss could tell that he was holding back. “Whoever it was cut themselves pretty badly, there was a blood everywhere.” Peeta must have seen the apprehension in his wife’s face and attempted to alleviate her concern. “It was probably just kids or some out-of-towners looking for some cash. Oh, Finnick, I bumped into your wife, she is looking for you. Seneca Crane is trying to catch her eye, and he’s got that ‘I got a deal for you’ look in his eye.”

“Well, I’d better go save her,” Finnick sighed. “That slimy car salesman thinks he’s Clark Gable with that silly mustache. He’s been trying to get me to buy a new Chrysler. Apparently now he’s hoping to get to my checking account through my wife. See you later,” he motioned to Clove’s cleavage, “although hopefully, not quite so much.” Finnick walked away from them, leaving Katniss and Peeta with Clove.

Katniss remembered what her mother had taught her about manners and thought she’d pay Clove a compliment (even if she didn’t entirely mean it). “Mrs. Billings, that is a lovely dress.”

“Oh, this old thing?” Clove replied and looked Peeta square in the face. “If I recall, it used to be someone’s favorite color. Wasn’t it, Peeta?”

Katniss watched her husband intently as he quickly looked the dress over and answered, “No, that shade is far too bold and showy for me. I prefer a much softer shade of orange.” He then looked adoringly at his wife. “After tonight, though, I think red might be my favorite color.”  Peeta smiled at Katniss and took her hand in his.

“Oh, yes, it is very cute,” Clove smirked. “It reminds me of when I was a little girl and I would play dress up with my mother’s clothes - you may even grow into it someday.”

Katniss was surprised at Clove’s dig, especially since her figure was not so dissimilar from Clove’s. In fact, if anything, Katniss was better endowed than the elder woman was. Peeta was about to say something in his wife’s defense, but Katniss caught his eye and shook her head slightly. Katniss quickly scanned her brain for a snappy come back, but thought that it would be childish to insult Clove’s appearance. So instead, Katniss took the unexpected route and smiled as sweetly as she could, replying, “Oh, Mrs. Billings, you know I would like to thank you for all of my happiness…Oh, and for the ring.”

Clove gave her a shocked look. “What ring?!”

“Oh, that’s right, you’ve never seen the ring,” Katniss cheerfully said, and held her left hand out for Clove to see, her eyes opened wide. “You see, if you’d been nicer to Peeta, this might have been yours, but now it’s mine, so thank you.”

Clove’s face went red and she promptly turned and walked away. When she was several feet away, Peeta let out a chuckle. “That was brilliant, petty, but brilliant.”

“Was I too mean?” Katniss asked.

“No, you were perfect,” Peeta beamed, and put his arm around his wife. “Come on, Katniss, let’s go find Finnick and Annie, it’s almost midnight.”

The crowd was counting down as the Mellarks joined their friends.“Five, four, three, two, one…Happy New Year!”

Katniss saw Clove watching them from across the room. She felt an impulse to claim her territory and threw her arms around Peeta’s neck, standing on her tippy-toes as she kissed him deeply. It was the type of kiss that she typically reserved for their private moments. Peeta happily returned it. “Happy New Year, Peeta,” Katniss whispered, and was very satisfied with herself.

“May 1933 be the happiest year of our lives,” Peeta sighed in her ear.

A short while later both the Mellarks and the Odairs made their excuses and left the party, somewhat early. Annie had to get home to feed Finnie, so at least theirs was valid. Peeta had told everyone, “I’ve been awake since three a.m., I’m sore, and I just want to get to bed.”

Katniss was a little disheartened when she’d heard him say it, as she had been looking forward to being alone with him all day. “Let’s get you home so you can get some sleep,” Katniss said soothingly, and laid her head on his shoulder as they made their way home.

“Who said that I was tired?” Peeta challenged.

“Well, you did,” Katniss reminded him.

“No, I just fibbed a little so I could get you alone.” Peeta smiled and pulled his wife close.

“What part were you fibbing about?” Katniss asked curiously. She knew, judging by his tone, that Peeta had something special in mind.

“Let’s just say that we might eventually end up in bed, but no time soon,” Peeta told her, his husky voice sending a pleasant chill down her spine and sparking a warmth deep in her belly. “In fact, we’ll be lucky if we make it out of the car. What do you think about that?”

Katniss thought about it for a moment, and then ran her hand up and down his thigh. “It sounds like a wonderful way to start the new year.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	15. chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to comment this story. It takes a lot of time and effort to put together each chapter and the reviews really help to inspire me to write and get each chapter up in a timely manner.
> 
> Also I want to express my gratitude to my betas kismet4891 and katnissinme, thank you to these wonderful ladies. Without them this fiction would not be nearly as good as it is.

 

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 14**

 

After leaving the Mayor’s house, Peeta drove them home and attacked Katniss with kisses before they even got out of the car. While the prospect of making love in the car was exciting, it was very cold outside so they opted to go inside. Peeta led Katniss into the house, but they only got as far as the kitchen before hastily undressing each other. Katniss’s inhibitions about making love all over the house had all but disappeared, and Peeta made good on his promise to make her yell his name. They made use of the kitchen counter, where Peeta repaid her for what transpired in the closet. The table top was next, where he buried himself inside her, and finally a kitchen chair where Katniss straddled his lap and rode him to completion.

Afterwards Peeta locked all the doors, closed all the curtains, and opened a bottle of wine. They sat on the couch, naked, wrapped up in a blanket and enjoyed the freedom being alone in the house brought them. He helped her find and remove all of the bobby pins, releasing her hair from its confines. Katniss tried to get Peeta to talk about the break in at the bakery, but he wasn’t interested in entertaining the subject, other than to say they would talk about it later. So instead they laughed about Clove’s reaction to being shown the ring.

“So, did you dance any before I got there?” Peeta asked innocently.

“Yes, I did,” Katniss confessed. “Gale Hawthorne pulled me out onto the dance floor before I had a chance to say no.”

“Did he behave himself?” Peeta inquired, a hint of jealousy in his voice.

For a moment Katniss entertained the idea of teasing him, but he’d had a long day and she knew it would only aggravate his insecurities. “Yes, he was a perfect gentleman.”

“I wish I could dance with you,” he said in a regretful tone.

“Who says you can’t?” Katniss challenged, “Peeta, you can carry huge sacks of flour across the bakery, you walk to and from work most days, and our _amorous activities_ certainly haven’t been affected by your leg. Who says that you can’t dance?”

Peeta grinned at her. “It’s not that I can’t, I just won’t. It looks terrible. Besides, I’m clumsy and I don’t want to risk falling in front of a crowd. I’d just be an embarrassment.” 

“No, you wouldn’t,” Katniss sincerely told him as she rose and turned on the radio.

_“This is Ceasar Flickerman, wishing you a happy, happy, happy New Year’s Day! Let’s celebrate the day with one of last year’s most popular hits, ‘Paradise’ by Guy_ _Lombardo.”_

She then returned to where Peeta sat and offered him her hand. “Why don’t you come and dance with your wife? Nobody is here to laugh.” Peeta looked at her for a moment, smiled, and took her hand.

Peeta held her by the waist and pulled her flush against his body, holding her tight. “If I fall, you’re coming down with me,” Peeta playfully told her. They shuffled their feet around the living room floor. It was truly a graceless dance, but seeing as how they were naked, Katniss decided that it was by far the best one she had ever experienced. She laid her cheek on Peeta’s bare chest and listened to the lyrics of the song.

_“And then she holds my hand, mm mmmmmm._

_And then I understand, mm mmmmmm._

_Her eyes afire with one desire,_

_Then a heavenly kiss;_

_Could I resist?_

_And then she dims the light, mm mmmmmm._

_And then she holds me tight, mm mmmmmm._

_Her kiss, each fond caress,_

_They lead_ [ _the way to happiness_ ](http://ntl.matrix.com.br/pfilho/html/lyrics/p/paradise.txt) _._

_She takes me to Paradise.”_

Peeta sighed, “I want to freeze this moment and live in it forever.”

Katniss giggled at his fanciful comment. _Which one of us is the teenage girl?_  But she loved his romantic side. “That sounds wonderful,” she concurred, and tilted her lips up to his and kissed him. They danced for a few songs and then finally went to bed. Peeta held her tight, and Katniss fell into a deep, peaceful slumber.

When Katniss woke late in the morning she reached for Peeta, but his side of the bed was empty and cold. She could smell the aroma of coffee in the air, which was odd, as they both preferred tea in the mornings. Katniss knew that they would be going to the bakery to clean soon, so she put on a pair of grey trousers and a navy wool sweater. Then she padded into the bathroom, where she nearly laughed at her bedraggled appearance. Her dark hair stuck in every direction and her makeup had smeared everywhere, making her look like a raccoon. Katniss brushed her teeth, washed her face, tamed her hair, and tied it into a braid.

The kitchen smelled wonderful. Peeta had biscuits on the table and was stirring gravy on the stove. Inhaling the aroma, she thanked God that Peeta was such a good cook, because her cooking skills, while improving, were still abysmal. Katniss tiptoed behind him while he was busy at the stove. “Good morning,” she greeted, and wrapped her arms around his waist. Peeta jumped slightly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Peeta turned and kissed her head, “It’s alright, I was just deep in thought. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes,” she answered, and then looked him over and knew why he made coffee. Peeta looked exhausted. “Although, it doesn’t look like you did.” She knew this Peeta, the brooding, distant one, and it was obvious that he had something serious on his mind.

“I’ve been thinking about what happened at the bakery,” he admitted and then he smiled warmly. “Come on, let’s eat first.”

They ate in relative silence. Finally after they had finished their meal, Katniss took a deep breath and asked, “So, what aren’t you telling me?”

“I know who broke into the bakery,” Peeta admitted heavily.

“Really, who was it?” Katniss inquired, thinking still that it was nothing but a juvenile delinquent.

“Cato Billings,” Peeta stated grimly. “Prim probably did see him the other night.”

“But why would he do that?”  Katniss asked dumbfounded.

“He’s ill and has lost his mind,” Peeta explained, staring at his coffee cup. “He somehow got the idea that Clove left him for me.”

“Why would he think that?” Katniss questioned.

“Apparently Clove gave him that impression,” Peeta replied regretfully. “Katniss, I should have told you, but…,” he stopped as if he were trying to decide on how to best tell her.

“Told me what?” Katniss demanded, her temper short. All the times that Peeta had kept her in the dark to “protect” her came to mind. He was treating her like a child again, when she thought that they had gotten past that. Then she was reminded of Clove’s comment. “What in the hell is going on here, Peeta? Did you have an affair with Clove?”

“No!” he emphatically insisted. “Why would you think that?”

“Last night Clove told me that I was prettier in your pictures. So that means that she’d been close enough to you to see your sketch book,” Katniss informed him. “How else would she have seen pictures that you’ve drawn of me?”

“Katniss, I wasn’t lying when I told you I’ve not touched another woman since I knew how I felt about you. Sometimes, when I was alone in the house at night, I used to draw pictures of you. There is a whole notebook of them in the closet. Clove came to me last spring, she interrupted me while I was working on one,” Peeta told her and he finally looked up at her. “She told me that she wanted me back and that she needed help to get away from Cato. I refused her offer, but I gave her some money to get a lawyer.”

“You gave her money!?” Katniss spat. She was enraged. “You never offered me money.”

Peeta looked at her wide-eyed for a moment before he despondently responded, “I had to purposely burn bread because it was the only way you would take it. You wouldn’t take a nickel more than you were owed. Your pride would have never allowed me to help you until you had no other choice, and we both know it. I am very aware that initially, you only married me to keep Prim with you, and because you were out of options.”

Katniss was stunned silent for a moment; he was right. She said in a small voice, “It wasn’t the only reason, Peeta.”

Peeta took a deep breath and tried to reason with her. “You have to understand, Clove came to me with a black eye. She told me that Cato had gone after their children. I gave her the money for her children, not for her. You have _no_ clue what it is like to be afraid of one of your parents.  She came to me only because she thought that I was so desperate that I would marry her the instant her divorce papers were signed. Clove only wanted me because she knew that I was available and had some money. ”

“Well, I’m glad that she knew all about your money,” Katniss retorted and rose from her chair and paced the kitchen. She’d been annoyed at Peeta for not telling her about his wealth since she found out about it, although she stayed silent about it to keep the peace. They had been so happy, and she didn’t want to break the spell. But all bets were off at the moment. She was upset about being kept in the dark about so many things. “Because I’ve been your wife for two months and I’ve never heard a word about it, except from other people. Mrs. Seeder had to explain to me why your brothers thought I was a gold digger! I don’t blame them for thinking what they did, but _you_ should have been the one to explain it to me!” Katniss was angry and found that once the words started flowing they were hard to staunch; her voice was growing progressively louder. “Damn it, Peeta! I’m not a child. Just because my father is dead, doesn’t mean that I need a new one!”

“Katniss, you don’t understand,” Peeta said in a calming tone.

“Yes, I do understand,” she snapped. “You think that I’m too much of a child to be trusted with the truth. I can’t be told about the lunatic who is hanging around our home.”

“Katniss, I only found out about this last night,” Peeta defended himself. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to ruin our night. Happy times for both of us have been few and far between.”

“You always have a reason for not telling me things.”Katniss growled in frustration and stomped out of the kitchen. She went to their room, slammed the door, and dug her work boots from the closet.

Peeta lightly knocked on the door. “Katniss, may I come in?”

“It’s your house, you can do whatever you like,” she said bitterly as she tied her shoe.

“No, Katniss,” Peeta said firmly. “This is our house, everything that is mine is yours.”

“It doesn’t seem like it,” she snapped, “to you I’m still some little girl you’re playing house with.”

“That is not true!” Peeta approached her, took one of her hands in both of his, and affirmed to her, “I love you, you’re my wife.” Katniss could feel his hands shaking slightly. She finally looked into his eyes, and saw they were full of concern and something more…fear, maybe? “I only wanted to protect you. You’ve been through so much, I-I just wanted to keep ugly truths away from you. I never told you about the money, because I thought that it didn’t matter to you.”

“It _doesn’t_ matter to me!” she said, earnestly but hotly. “But I deserved to know, just like I should have been told about Clove.”

“She came to me, I turned her down. I all but told her that I was in love with someone else, meaning you, and I handed her a check to appease _my_ conscious. I honestly never thought that I’d see her again. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, but I never imagined that I would have to. Clove is my past, you’re my present, and my future,” Peeta told her. She could hear the sincerity of his voice, but she wasn’t done being angry yet. Weeks and weeks of fibs and stretched truths could not be solved with just a few words from Peeta’s silver tongue. She could feel herself melt as she looked into his mesmerizing blue eyes, but then she hardened herself. _No, I’m not going to allow it to be this easy for him._

“I’m going for a drive,” she said, pulling her hand from his and walking out of the room. Peeta followed her to the closet wear she kept her coat and hat. She looked at him when she had her coat pulled on. He looked hurt and flustered. A part of her wanted to comfort him, but instead she set her jaw. _He’s got to learn that I mean business and that I won’t be appeased so quickly, then he will take me seriously._

“Katniss, I’m so sorry. I had no idea how all of this would turn out…Everything between us has happened so quickly, I’ve been so happy that I’ve avoided telling you certain things. It was thoughtless of me, but I meant no harm. Please don’t leave, let’s talk about it,” Peeta’s request was heartfelt. He was answered by a scowl. He turned his gaze from her and looked at the wall, pleading softly, “If you must go, please take the Model A …I don’t trust that old truck, it’s not been driven in a while.”

Katniss tore her eyes from him and briskly walked outside. She walked right past the Model A and, after a few attempts, finally got Papa’s old truck to start. Even she didn’t know if she was doing it out of stubbornness or spite, and soon she found herself speeding down a familiar country road that she had not been down in months. Something compelled Katniss to head to the farm where she grew up, a desire to remember her old life, perhaps.

Katniss pulled into the driveway of the old farmhouse. Smoke billowed out of the chimney and firewood was stacked on the porch. Snow had apparently filled the house with a hired man just as he’d planned. _I’ll just look at it for a few moments, then I’ll leave._ It still looked like home. She imagined that she could walk into the house right now and Papa would be reading in his wing chair, Prim would be playing with her dolls in the corner, and Mama would be making dinner in the kitchen. Katniss could feel tears burning in her eyes, but she didn’t want to let them fall.

In that moment there wasn’t anything that she wouldn’t give to have one more conversation with her Papa, and ask him for advice on how to deal with her feelings. Papa always knew what to say to Katniss, and she missed him so much. Although she knew what he would tell her if he were here – he would lecture her about her pride, as he so often did. Papa was always telling her that her pride was her greatest flaw. Her pride nearly cost her Prim because Katniss had been too stubborn to ask for help after Papa died. _What would have happened if Peeta hadn’t come to save us that day?_ Katniss didn’t know, but she still shuddered at the thought, understanding that it wouldn’t have been good.

Without her realizing it, tears started to streak her face. She was angry, for so many reasons: her Papa’s life ended far too soon; Mama hadn’t consulted her about selling the farm, and then left Katniss to deal with the consequences alone while she laid in bed; Snow had been unfair in his agreement with her and set her up for disaster. Then there was Peeta. He had been her savior, and she loved him so much. But he had let her down, too. Yet she was also angry at herself for speaking to him like she had. What Peeta did wasn’t right, but he didn’t deserve the wrath she’d let loose on him. Katniss didn’t want to cry – she hadn’t cried since the day that Papa was laid in the ground – yet once tears started to fall they were impossible to stop. Silent tears that soon turned into open, ugly sobbing. Katniss folded her arms across the steering wheel and buried her face into them. She was so upset that she didn’t notice that the old truck had stopped running and the current tenant of her old house had approached her truck, until he knocked on her window.

Katniss was startled by the tapping on the window, but when she looked out her window she saw a friendly looking man who appeared to be about Peeta’s age, with caramel colored skin and soulful, hazel eyes. He was vaguely familiar, she had seen him in town a few times before. She cautiously rolled down her window.

The man studied her for a moment and then asked in a gentle voice, “Miss, are you alright? You’ve been sitting out here for nearly forty-five minutes. Can I help you?”

“No,” Katniss replied quickly and tried to start the truck, but it just sputtered for a moment and died again. She looked at the fuel gauge which told her that the tank was empty. In all her impatience to put distance between herself and Peeta, she’d not looked at the gauge. “Damn it,” she hissed under her breath.

“Miss, if you need some help, I can be of service,” he offered kindly. “Come on, I’ve just put some water on to boil for tea. Why don’t you come join me and get warmed up by my fire for a little bit, then I’ll get you some gas. My name is Cinna, I work for Mr. Snow. You have nothing to fear from me.”

Katniss usually would have been hesitant to take up an offer to go into a house alone with someone she didn’t know, but there was something trustworthy about this man. His soft, gentle voice was reminiscent of her father’s; her instincts told her that she could trust him, so she did. Not to mention the fact that she felt compelled to see her old home. She nodded her head and Cinna opened her car door and led her to the house. Cinna took her coat and hat, then offered her a chair at the kitchen table. Katniss examined the surroundings – everything was familiar yet different. Katniss had expected to feel a sense of comfort when she walked into the farm house, but this place, while it had once been her house, was no longer her home. The furniture was the same but rearranged, and the house was neat and well kept, like when her mother used to take care of the house.  There were sketches on the walls, and Katniss concluded that Cinna must be an artist. She automatically thought of Peeta and the notebooks full of pictures at home. She felt a new pang of regret at how she’d left him, she had been unfair.

“Is it much changed, Mrs. Mellark?” Cinna asked her.

Katniss was caught off guard, “You know who I am?”

“Yes, I’ve been to the bakery,” Cinna clarified. “One day your husband and I happen to get into an art conversation and he showed me some pictures he’d drawn of you. He is a talented man, he captured you perfectly. Also, we share some friends and acquaintances, I think. I go to church with the Seeders, and I think you are a client of a friend of mine, Miss Portia,” Cinna commented. “In addition, you’re kind of famous in this town.”

“How so?” Katniss was nearly afraid to ask, thinking that it would have something to do with her hurried marriage.

“Your former neighbors speak very highly of you. They said that you worked very hard to try to keep your family together. You’ve earned a lot admiration in this town,” Cinna informed her. “That, and I’ve worked for Mr. Snow for a while now. All of his hired hands are aware of how unfair he can be. What he did to your family wasn’t right.”

Katniss didn’t know how to respond so she changed the subject, “Your drawings are very good.” The pictures varied in subject, some were animals, others were skyscrapers, but mostly there were pictures of people. She recognized Portia’s face in several drawings.

“Thank you. I was an art professor before the crash,” Cinna said as he prepared the tea. “My college reduced the budget and I lost my position.  Being a farm hand was the best job I could get. But I can’t complain, it gives me a purpose and I get quite a bit of time to draw in the winter.”

Soon, Cinna set a cup of tea in front of her, along with a cool, damp rag. She thanked him softly and he took the seat across from her. Katniss used the towel to dab her tear stained cheeks and then warmed her fingers by wrapping them around the teacup.

Cinna studied her for a moment and inquired, “So, you had a fight with your husband?”

Katniss stared at him in surprise for a moment.

“I’m sorry to be so forward,” he apologized. “I can only suspect that a fight with a spouse would send a woman driving around the countryside on New Year’s Day.”

Katniss attempted to defend herself, but instead sounded like a naughty child. “I just wanted to be alone for a little bit.”

Cinna looked her in the eye and asked seriously, “Did he hit you?”

Katniss nearly choked on her tea when she heard his question. She let out a little laugh at the ridiculous thought of Peeta laying his hands on her in a violent matter. “No, my husband would never hurt me,” she explained thoughtfully.

“Oh, did you catch him with another woman?” he tried again, but Katniss could tell that this time he was only half serious.

Again she couldn’t help to fight the smile on her face and said confidently, “No, Peeta would never two-time me.”

“Then what could be so bad?” Cinna posed to her, and took a sip of tea.

Katniss thought about it for a moment. What was she so upset about? _Peeta lied._ Yes, he did lie, but it wasn’t malicious, he honestly thought that he was protecting her and buying her a few happy moments without having to worry. Peeta didn’t have many options either, he hadn’t asked for Clove to come to him or for Cato to vandalize the bakery, those things were out of his control, too. He was as much a victim in all of this as she was.

“I don’t know,” Katniss said honestly. “I suppose I was upset with him for things that weren’t really his fault.”

Cinna nodded thoughtfully. “Sometimes it’s easiest to blame the nearest person for things that are out of everyone’s control,” Cinna wisely said, and gave her a warm smile. He announced, “I found something the other day. I was going to look you up and deliver it to you after the holidays, but since you’re here I’ll give it to you now.”

Cinna rose from his seat and walked out of the room. Judging by the sound of the footsteps he was going to her parents’ old room. He returned moments later with a small chest. It was her Mama’s jewelry box; he held it out to Katniss. “I found this tucked away under the bed frame; it was like someone was hiding it but it didn’t look like it was something that was meant to be left behind. Mr. Snow wanted me to give him anything of value that I found, but I figured that he’d taken enough from your family already.”

“Mama must have hidden it from me, thinking that I would have sold it,” Katniss said and took it with quivering hands. “We only had a couple of hours to gather our belongings, I never would have thought to look under the bed.”

Cinna gave her a pleasant expression and excused himself. “I’m going to get the gas can and put some fuel into your truck. Why don’t you look these things over?” Before Katniss could offer to help he was out the door.

It had been a long time since she’d seen the oak carved box, Mama used to keep her few accessories in it. There never had been anything of extraordinary value in it, all of Mama’s jewelry had been fake; beads dipped to look like pearls, a red glass broach, and an enamel heart necklace that Papa had given her when they were courting. When Katniss opened the box she found these items plus some additions that she’d not expected. There was a picture of Mama and Papa on their wedding day, two locks of hair tied up with ribbons, one dark and one blonde, her and Prim’s baby hair she surmised. But what surprised her most was what was hiding at the bottom of the box – an old, well-worn burnished gold ring. _Papa’s wedding ring._ It had originally been passed down to Mama; her family had once been well-to-do in the old country, then their fortunes had changed and they left for America. Katniss had honestly forgotten about the ring, it had been too large for Papa’s finger and he hardly ever wore it. She was glad that she’d not found the box now, she would have sold the ring without a second thought just a couple of months ago.

Memories from the past flooded her mind and it was hard to reconcile how much her life had changed since that November day when Peeta came to her with his offer of marriage. He had changed her life so much. In some ways it was easier, as she no longer had to worry about things like food and shelter. Although now she had to deal with her emotions, which was something she was far less comfortable with. Even when she was struggling to support her mama and Prim life was simple. She went to work, collected the eggs, tended the garden, made sure Mama ate, and that Prim was loved. It was hard, but it was predictable; it didn’t require a lot of thought, it was survival. Katniss didn’t have the time to analyze her feelings, she just existed. Then Peeta came along and changed all that. Katniss loved Peeta and she knew that for a fact, yet marriage was nothing like she’d thought.

Katniss pulled out and examined her parents wedding photo. Her parents didn’t look much older than she was now and they looked full of promise. _If Papa had known how his life would turn out would he still have married Mama?_ Something told her that he would have. When things were good and Mama was well, life had been happy. Papa was never bitter with his lot in life, not when Mama was sick in bed or when the market crashed. He always was telling Katniss how blessed he was. It’s what made her troubles with Peeta seem like nothing at all.

Katniss was reminded of what Annie had told her a while back, “He maybe older, but this is his first marriage, too.” He was new to all of this, just as she was, and they had not been able to enjoy a typical courtship, engagement, and even though a fancy wedding had never been a dream of hers, she now wished that she and Peeta had been able to go to the church and were joined before their families and friends. The thought of herself in a simple white dress and a smiling Peeta waiting for her at the altar gave her a thrill and warmed her heart.

Katniss now felt very ashamed of her treatment of Peeta. She had so many feelings just below the surface for a long time; sadness over her father’s death, resentment over how she’d thrust into position of provider, and anger over how she’d been treated by Snow. The situation with the Billings’ had just happened to bring them all to a head, and Peeta had just happened to be the one there when she finally broke. Peeta was the only living person that she knew she loved besides Prim, and in some ways their love was deeper. Her affection for Prim was natural, she was blood. She had chosen to allow herself to love Peeta, he made her happy in a way that one else ever could. He had asked for forgiveness and she had walked away. She was going to have to swallow her pride and go apologize to him for acting like a child, after she accused him of treating her like a child. The irony suddenly struck her.

Cinna came back a few moments later and announced, “I got your truck started. It should get you back home.”

Katniss breathed a sigh of relief and then asked, “What do I owe you?”

“Nothing at all,” Cinna confidently replied.

“Please, let me give you something,” Katniss pleaded as she lifted the jewelry box in her hand. “You’ve given me so much.”

“I’m just pleased that I could help,” he replied earnestly. “Although, a loaf of that cinnamon-raisin bread, would be nice, it might be the best that I’ve ever tasted.”

“I’ll treat you the next time you’re in town,” Katniss told him warmly and shook his hand. “Thank you so much, Cinna.”

“You’re very welcome,” Cinna retuned, and walked her out to the truck and in a very gentlemanly manner opened her door. Katniss crawled in and Cinna shut the door and waved at her.

Katniss took a deep breath and steered the truck back into town. _Time to go home…_ Suddenly she realized that Peeta’s house had seemed like home from the start, that no matter what she and Peeta were meant to be, somehow she’d always known it, he had been the only man to turn her head. In her head she composed her apology and hoped that they could make up and return to the same type of idyllic happiness that they had enjoyed just a few hours ago, dancing in their living room.

First she drove past the bakery; Peeta’s car was nowhere to be seen, so she drove home. The blue Model A was sitting in the driveway. She steeled herself and rehearsed her speech in her head again. Katniss entered the kitchen door, but there was no sign of life in the house. “Hello? Peeta?”

She thought perhaps that he’d walked to the bakery or maybe gone to the Odair’s to get Prim. Katniss suddenly felt even more terrible, and she decided that she should call the bakery and then Annie to find Peeta.

Katniss picked up the receiver of the phone and was about to ask the operator for the bakery when she heard the very distinct sound of the cocking of a gun from directly behind her and a deep, raspy voice of a man, whom she _knew_ wasn’t Peeta. “Put the phone down.”

She did as the man said and hung up the phone. Before she could turn around, she felt a sharp blow to her head, and everything went dark.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr, as izzysamson, you can see research pics for In Name Only.
> 
> Also I would like to tell any who is not aware that there is a companion story to this one In Name Only-Peeta’s POV.


	16. chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my wonderful betas kismet4891 and katnissinme.

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 15**

Katniss came to with an aching head on the cool tile floor of the kitchen. She remembered being told to hang up the phone and the blow to her head. _Oh my God, has Peeta been hurt? Where is he?_ Even before she opened her eyes Katniss knew that the man who had struck her was pacing the floor and talking to himself. “He’s gonna pay for taking my kids. When I get a hold of him, he’s gonna regret it!”

From the way the crazed man was carrying on, Katniss came to the conclusion that he’d not yet found Peeta, and that he was safe elsewhere. _Thank God!_ Katniss tried to hold still, not knowing what the man would do if he knew she was awake; she risked opening one of her eyes slightly. What she saw was a scruffy, unkempt man whowas taller than Gale Hawthorne, and even bulkier than Peeta. He nervously wandered from one end of the kitchen to the other, fiddling with a revolver. One of his hands was wrapped with a blood soaked towel. Katniss knew, without a doubt, who the man was: Cato Billings.

Internally, she debatedwhat she ought to do. The first thought that came to mind was to play dead and try to escape if he left the room. Her plan may have worked were it not for the sudden wave of nausea the made her wretch her breakfast all over the floor. Suddenly, Cato stopped mid-step and glared at her where she lay. With a few strides he was upon her and reached down, wrapping his hand around her braid, dragging her away from the puddle of vomit, and lifting her head off the floor. The pain was blinding and she involuntarily cried out.

“Get up, you twat,” he growled and shook her. Katniss instinctively reached for his hands with one of hers and tried to keep him from yanking her hair any harder. He then pulled her from the ground and threw her in a chair. “Where are my kids?”

“I don’t know, but they’re not here,” Katniss said as she fought off the urge to be sick again.

Cato glared at her. “Who the hell are you? The maid?”

“No,” she replied as evenly as she could,“my name is Katniss Mellark.”

“Mellark?” Cato repeated and shook his head as if he were avoiding a bee. The man’s mental instability was very apparent. “You the cripple’s niece or something?”

“I’m Peeta’s wife,” she informed him, and reached her hand to the back of her head, feeling the large, painful goose egg that was forming there along with a trickle of blood.

Cato looked very confused – apparently he had not realized that Peeta was married. “You’re lying,” he accused and started pacing again. “My kids are here. I know they are because Clove always told me when she left me she was coming here and that the fucking baker would gladly have her.”

“Well, she was wrong because Peeta is married to _me_ ,” Katniss said authoritatively. The second the words came out of her mouth she wanted to take them back; the last thing she wanted to do was provoke the unstable man.

He again shook his head in an odd manner. She knew that she had angered him, and he pointed the gun at her. “I saw Lavinia in the window the other night, I know my kids are here. Don’t lie to me, I’ve already taken care of that bitch Clove and her new lover, too,” Cato started laughing, disturbing Katniss deeply. “Apparently the limping lover boy couldn’t satisfy her after all. I caught her fucking some Clark Gable look-alike in _my_ car.”

Katniss froze. She didn’t know how to reply. _What did he mean by “taken care” of Clove? Had he killed her?_ “Please, I don’t know where your children are,” Katniss tried to explain while keeping the true fear hidden. “The only child who lives here is my ten-year-old sister. I married Peeta two months ago and my sister and I moved in. It was her that you saw, not your daughter.”

“You’re lying!” he spat, and hit her hard with the hand that held the revolver. Katniss let out a cry of surprise and then he grabbed her by the collar.

“No, I’m not,” Katniss defended herself in a whisper. She looked into the man’s blood-shot eyes and knew that there was nothing that she could say or do to change his mind. He was several days past his last bath, he was unshaved, and she saw splatters of blood on his shirt. Whether it was his or someone else’s, she didn’t know, nor did she want to.

Cato started to look her up and down, licking his lips. Katniss began to feel uncomfortable on a whole new level. He sneered at her, “I don’t know why Mellark would want that worn-out bitch, Clove, when he has something young and sweet like you here.” Katniss turned her head and fought the urge to gag from the stench of his rancid breath. “Maybe you’re not broken in yet…Maybe I should take you with me. My kids need a new mother now. How about it, girly? Would you like to be with a man who isn’t gimpy and all scarred up?”

“Even with his scars, Peeta’s better looking than you,” she remarked and prepared herself to be struck again. Cato drew back but then he suddenly stopped and listened to something in the distance.

Then she heard it, too, the wail of a siren, and she prayed that it was on its way to her. She still had no clue where Peeta was. Cato tightened his grip on her collar, lifted her to her feet, and then dragged her to the window that looked into the driveway. The sheriff’s car pulled into the drive. She could see the outline of two men in the car, one a deputy and the other a familiar head of wavy, blond hair – Peeta. The door opened and they started to get out. Katniss didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry.

“Fuck,” Cato cursed under his breath. Katniss looked at her immediate surroundings and looked for something to help aid her in escaping from the crazy man’s grasp. She saw that the kitchen sink was close, nearly within her arm’s length, with the cast iron skillet from this morning’s breakfast still resting in it. _If I can get to the skillet then I might be able to get away, but I have to wait for the right moment._

Cato then did something totally unexpected. He pointed his gun at the window, cocked it, and shot. The gun wasn’t much more than a foot away from her head; she felt something explode in her right ear. Katniss watched in shock as the Deputy fell to the ground and Peeta ducked behind the car. Cato eased his grip just enough to allow Katniss to pull away; he didn’t seem to notice and Katniss heard another shot ring out - that was all she could hear.

The room was wobbling and Katniss was very dizzy, yet she reached for the heavy cast-iron skillet and held it firmly in both hands. Katniss then turned back to where Cato stood. _I have to stop him from shooting Peeta._ She swung the pan with all her might. She was aiming for the much taller man’s head, but instead she caught the side of his face. The momentum of her swing knocked Katniss off her already unsteady feet. She looked up at Cato; blood was spilling from his mouth and he spit out a couple of teeth into his hand. Cato looked her with pure rage, raised his gun at her and spat, “You fucking bitch.”

Katniss was on the floor. She was so dizzy that she couldn’t get away. _This is the end, this is how I’m going to die._ Katniss had been told that one’s life would flash before their eyes before their death, but all Katniss could think of was how the last time she had spoken to Peeta, it had been in anger. She also thought of Prim and how she’d be left with no one. _God, please let Peeta live through this and be able to take care of her if I don’t survive._

Cato shook with rage. “You’re going t-…” He was cut off by another body crashing into him. It was Peeta. Everything that followed after was a blur. He was on Cato and the two large men crashed into the kitchen table, which shattered under their joint weight. The gun was still in Cato’s hand.

“Katniss, get out!” Peeta yelled as he and Cato grappled. Katniss could not leave her husband; her legs couldn’t carry her out of the house even if she wanted to. Peeta was on top of Cato and threw punch after punch at him, but nothing seemed to phase the crazy man.The two men were a confusion of limbs, grunts, and curses. Cato was like a wounded animal – he didn’t care about the consequences. In one hand, Peeta held the wrist of the hand in which Cato held the revolver; in his other was Cato’s throat. Katniss watched in horror as Cato grabbed one of the broken table legs and forcefully struck Peeta with it, knocking him flat on his back on the floor.

Cato struggled to his feet with the table leg still in his hand. He raised it high and brought it down on Peeta’s legs, who screamed in tortured pain. The crazy man started his maniacal laughter again, dropping the table leg and then pointing the gun at Peeta. “I think after I kill you, I’ll use your little woman here to get my prick wet. I’ll be doing her a favor – I doubt she’s ever been with a real man before.”

Peeta turned his head to Katniss and briefly caught her eye. For a moment the true fear that hemust have been feeling registered on his face. He breathed deeply and addressed Cato, “Your quarrel is with me. Let my wife go.”

Cato gave him an evil grin and asked menacingly, “Do you think I’m going to miss the opportunity to fuck your wife after all the times you fucked mine?”

Peeta’s face flared red, but he was able to keep his composure when he spoke. “Cato, I have never been with Clove. I don’t know what she told you, but it was a lie. Please, let Katniss go and you can do whatever you like to me.”

“Peeta, no,” Katniss cried out. Her husband gave her a sad glance, as if to apologize for their current situation.

“Oh, no,” Cato told him. Katniss could hear more sirens in the distance, lots of them. “I’m going to kill you and then I’m going to find my kids.”

Peeta took a deep breath. “Cato, they found Clove and Seneca Crane’s bodies this morning.Your kids were at your mother-in-law’s house, and the Sherriff has them now. This is all over. You can hear the sirens. You know… You’re ill. I know a doctor who will testify on your behalf, you won’t get the death penalty. This doesn’t have to end any worse than it already is.”

From the broken window Katniss could hear the Sherriff shouting. She could hear it clearly but it was directed at Cato. Cato’s attention was drawn to the window and the increasing number of officers outside. Katniss knew that this crazy man wasn’t going to give up that easily. Peeta must have, too, because he took advantage of the momentary distraction and launched himself at Cato. Katniss lost track of the gun. The two men were pressed together, rolling around – Peeta was on top of Cato, then Cato flipped them and had the upper hand. Katniss could not see where the gun was. A shot rang out and both men stilled. Katniss’s heart felt like it had stopped.

Fear gripped Katniss as she tried to crawl to where they lay; she was feeling increasingly disoriented and dazed and it took all she had to move. _This isn’t real, it’s a dream._ Both men were breathing shallowly and blood flowed from between them. Katniss panicked and called to her husband, “Peeta, Peeta please.” He opened his eyes and with much effort shoved the massive body off of himself. Cato gurgled and moaned. Peeta used his hands to check his body, as if to confirm that he had not been hit.

“It’s fine. Katniss, we’re going to be fine,” Peeta whispered and held out his hand to her. Katniss reached him and was immediately pulled into his shaking arms.

Before she could ask him if he was alright the door was kicked open and Thread and his deputies rushed in with their guns raised. One of them kicked the gun away from Cato and checked his pulse, then announced, “He’s still alive, but barely.”

“Don’t waste your time with him, these two get the ambulance,” Thread informed him coldly.

Katniss felt herself growing weaker as she slumped into Peeta. He gripped her by the shoulders, “Katniss, Katniss? Somebody help her, please.”

“Get her out to the ambulance, she’s hurt,” Thread barked.

She was vaguely aware of someone, a deputy maybe, picking her up and off of Peeta. Confused and afraid she screamed to be put down and in vain tried to keep a grip on Peeta’s hand. She was loaded onto a gurney next to a red-haired deputy with his arm in a sling. She called out for Peeta. The paramedics tried to quiet her but she would not cooperate. Finally, she heard his gentle voice, “Katniss, I’m here. You have to calm down so we can go to the hospital.”

“Don’t leave me,” she begged of her husband. “Please, stay with me.”

Katniss finally calmed when she heard a single word, which was more a promise than anything else, “Always.” Feeling relieved she allowed the exhaustion that had been with her since she awoke on the kitchen floor to overtake her.

Katniss awoke incredibly confused; she was conscious, but could hardly move her limbs they were so heavy. Her head throbbed painfully, and she was so tired. The odor of disinfectant stung her nose, and when she was finally able to pry open her eyes (only one of which would open fully) she was assaulted by blindingly bright lights. She panicked for a moment, then she realized that she was in the hospital. Her memory was hazy.

Suddenly a feeling of dread consumed her. _Where is Peeta?_ She called out in a raw voice, “Peeta!” Katniss attempted to sit up, but her body resisted and she fell back.

“Katniss, sit still,” Peeta told her firmly yet sweetly, and cupped her uninjured cheek in his hand and brought her gaze to his. “Katniss, you have to calm down, you’re hurt, and you’ve been in the hospital for several hours. You have a bad concussion, a fractured cheek bone, and a ruptured ear drum.” He added in jest partly, “You’re lucky that you’ve got such a hard head, it saved your life.”

Katniss wanted to laugh. Peeta was there, his eyes were blackened and his face was cut, but he was there. She suddenly remembered their fight. Tears started to steak her face. “I’m so sorry, Peeta. I shouldn’t have left.”

Peeta shushed her. “Katniss stop. I don’t care about that now. You’re alright, I’m alright, Prim was safe at the Odair’s the whole time and that’s all that matters now. Prim wants to see you but the hospital says no visitors under twelve. Annie and Finnick said that they will keep her as long as needed.”

Katniss felt some relief at hearing that Prim was safe. She looked Peeta over and tried to gauge his condition. “How are you?”

Peeta pointed to his crutches. “My shins are bruised badly so I’ll be on crutches for a few days. But other than some bumps and busted knuckles, I’ll be fine.”

“How is the deputy?” Katniss asked.

“Darius will be fine, he was only shot in the shoulder,” Peeta said. “Thankfully he was able to call for back up, and the ambulance was waiting for us.”

Katniss didn’t really want to know, but had to. In a whisper she asked lowly, “Cato?”

“Dead,” Peeta confirmed soberly.

“Why did he do this to us, Peeta?” Katniss wondered aloud.

Peeta took a deep breath and explained, “Cato left a note when he broke in to the bakery, demanding that I get his wife and kids out of my house. He had left similar notes at Clove’s other house but never acted on them, so everyone thought that he was full of empty threats. The Sherriff thinks he waited for me to leave the house and then broke in a side window. You must have walked in on him.”

“Why weren’t you in the house? Your car was there…I thought that you were home.”

Peeta looked up at her sadly as he explained, “The bodies of Clove Billings and Seneca Crane were found yesterday morning. Cato must have followed her after the party. Seneca Crane and she hit it off after we left, apparently. I suppose they went and parked down a country road. Cato caught them in the act and shot them. Thread sent a deputy to collect Mrs. Fields and the Billings children and then sent Deputy Darius to come warn us. You had left the house before he got there. Darius got me and we went looking for you. We must have just missed you. Finally, I went to your old farm house. I talked to Cinna and he said that you’d left there a few minutes before. I had a really bad feeling, so I told Darius to turn on the siren and get to our house quickly.” Peeta gave her a bittersweet smile. “You know the rest, I think.”

Katniss nodded sadly and was silent. She didn’t know what to say. _That could have been us._ She had no love for Clove, but she didn’t deserve to die like that. “What about their children?”

Peeta gripped her hand tightly. “I really don’t know…Clove had a sister, Cressida, who had a pretty good head on her shoulders. She lives out of state with her husband. That would be good for the kids, to get away to where no one knows them.”

Katniss nodded. She thought about how close Prim had come to having no one. “If something were to have happened to me, would you have…” she didn’t want to finish the thought.

Peeta knew what she was asking, though, and responded quickly, “I would have done everything in my power to keep Prim and raise her like she was my own flesh and blood.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, and Peeta kissed her knuckles. Katniss met his brilliant blue eyes and sincerely confessed, “I love you, so much. I just want you to know that when I married you it wasn’t just because of what you could give me. I’ve always loved you; you’ve always felt like home to me.”

Peeta smiled wide and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips and whispered, “I love you, too.”

Their tender moment was disrupted by the plump nurse who pulled back the curtain, and then scolded Peeta for not getting her the moment Katniss woke up. Katniss was examined by the doctor who asked her a series of questions, checked her ears and eyes, and told her that she was very lucky. She was disappointed to hear that she would be kept in the hospital for another day or two. The doctor told her that she would most likely have some permanent hearing issues and problems balancing for a while, due to both her ruptured ear drum and the concussion, but she was young and should heal well.

As soon as she was done with the doctor, Sherriff Thread came in to get her statement. Peeta tried to dissuade him, stating that Katniss needed her rest, but Thread insisted. “I’ve got three dead bodies. Judge Coin and his wife are breathing down my neck, they want this to be handled as quietly as possible. They don’t want everyone to know that because of them, their syphilis-ridden, cocaine-addict nephew was free to do all this. Which is going to be a tough job, considering I’ve got what seems like every reporter in a three state radius calling me tying up my phone lines and deputies wanting to get the scoop.”

Katniss gave her statement, and begrudgingly relived her horrific day. Peeta held her hand the whole time. Thread thanked her and left them. The plump nurse returned and tried to make Peeta leave for the night, stating that visiting hours were long over and that he needed to leave. Peeta put his silver tongue to use and convinced her to let him stay.

 Katniss patted the side of the narrow hospital bed.

Peeta gave her half a smile and said, “We’ll get in trouble.”

“What are they going to do, spank us?” Katniss teased.

Peeta gingerly crawled into the bed with her and she snuggled into his chest. They got comfortable after some adjusting. Before Katniss started to drift off she asked, “Peeta?”

“Yes?” he said sleepily.

“Next New Year’s can we just have a pork roast and sauerkraut like normal people?”

Peeta chuckled deeply and kissed her head.

 

Two days later, Katniss was finally allowed to go home. Peeta had never left her side except for short trips home to change clothes. _We must look like quite the pair,_ Katniss thought as they left the hospital. Peeta was on crutches and Finnick insisted on Katniss walking between him and Annie, with her arms hooked through theirs. She was annoyed but humored them. On the way home Finnick told them that he and Annie had tried to keep the details of what had happened from Prim but she somehow had found out at school. Katniss was already dreading that conversation.

She didn’t know how she would feel walking back into the house. Peeta purposely brought them in through the front door so that the kitchen wouldn’t be the first thing that she saw. Mrs. Seeder greeted them pleasantly, like they had been on a trip and not in the hospital, for which Katniss was thankful. After Finnick and Annie made sure that Peeta and Katniss were settled in they left them alone to relax before Prim came home.

After a while they finally ventured into the kitchen. Katniss was surprised – it was as if nothing had ever happened there. The broken windows were fixed, and the blood was cleaned from the floor. Other than the absence of the little wooden table, everything was like it had been before.

“Are you okay?” Peeta asked when he noticed how Katniss stared at her surroundings.

“Yes,” she nodded. “I just thought that it would be more changed. It is almost strange that nothing feels different.”

“I know,” he agreed. “I’ve been thinking that maybe we could buy another house. What do you think?”

She thought about it. _What happened here was an isolated incident, we didn’t ask for any of this. It’s not as if we have anymore crazy men waiting to come and get us._ After a minute of contemplation she answered, “No, there have been more good things to happen here than bad. This is our home, Peeta, I don’t want to leave it.” Peeta held one of his arms out to her and she happily embraced him. “But can we redecorate? One of those chrome tables would be nice, and maybe some new paint.”

“Whatever you like, sweetheart,” Peeta chuckled.

Soon it was time for Prim to come home from school. Peeta opened the door when he saw her coming up the walk. She squealed loudly, kissed and hugged both of them, and was so happy that she cried. “I missed you so much!”

Mrs. Seeder made them a large a dinner of roast beef and noodles. Before she left, for the first and only time, she acknowledged what they had been through when she gave them each a motherly hug and a kiss on the cheek and said, “I thank the Lord everyday that you two are safe and sound.”

Thom had delivered a large cake from the bakery as a welcome home gift. Sitting at the dining room table, Katniss was reminded of her first night in this house and how she was so nervous and didn’t know what to expect. So much had happened and changed in the last two months.

Prim talked about her time at the Odair’s. “Aunt Annie let me play with costume jewelry and Uncle Finnick helped me to build a fort with the couch cushions and bed sheets.”

“Aunt Annie? Uncle Finnick?” Katniss asked in surprise.

“Yes,” Prim said excitedly. “Oh, he and Annie told me that I can call them aunt and uncle, they said that they liked it. Can I please call them that, please, Katniss? That will make Finnie like my cousin. We’d all be like family.”

Katniss was never one to call people family who actually weren’t, but the Odairs had proven themselves to be kindred time and again. _Not to mention that if Prim got to play with Finnie then she may not be begging for nieces and nephews any time soon._ Katniss looked to Peeta, who shrugged his shoulders, shook his head, and grinned widely. She agreed, “Yes, Prim, that will be fine.”

They settled back into their regular routine. They did the dishes and then Peeta read to them from one of Prim’s books. Soon it was time for Prim to go to bed. Katniss and Peeta both went to her room to tuck her in. Katniss had her all wrapped up in her blankets and kissed her forehead and wished her goodnight. Prim looked to Peeta and raised her arms to him for a hug. Peeta leaned over the bed and Prim wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. “Thank you for saving my sister,” she whispered and kissed his cheek.

“You’re welcome,” he whispered in a barely audible voice.

Yes, things were much different now than they had been that day Peeta came to ask for her hand in a marriage of convenience. That first night Peeta showed her to her own room and left her as a friend. But now they were hand-in-hand and on their way down the stairs to _their_ room as man and wife. As she lay in Peeta’s strong arms, Katniss thought about how much she loved him, how he loved her in return, and that Prim was safe and happy. Thinking about these things made her blissfully content, even if she had other dilemmas.

There was going to be much to deal with in the near future. The aftermath of what happened with the Billings, what exactly to tell Prim about what transpired, and not to mention things like what to do with Mama when she got released from the mental hospital, or when to bring up the topic of her fears about getting pregnant with Peeta. The future, with the possibilities of what it might bring, was a little overwhelming.

So instead Katniss sought her husband’s lips with hers and kissed him lovingly. Peeta’s mouth opened to her. She had missed the taste of him and the warmth of his body. Her hand trailed down between his legs. He broke the kiss and asked, “Are you sure you want to? We can wait a few days, or as long as you want.”

She sat up on her knees and pulled her nightgown over her head and assured him, “The doctor said that I’m healing even better than expected…And besides, all I want to do is forget about everything else for a little while, and make love to my husband.”

Thanks to the moonlight streaming throughthe window, Katniss could see Peeta smile. He replied huskily, “That sounds like a good plan to me, but we’re going to take it easy.”

“That’s alright, I just need to feel good for a little while,” she confided in him. He then reached over and pulled a condom from the drawer and allowed Katniss to help him out of his pajama pants and begin to stroke him.

It was a little awkward at first, since they both had to cautious of their injuries; Katniss could not lay on her back for fear of aggravating the large bump on her head, and Peeta’s legs were sore. He coaxed her to grip the head board and straddle his face. Katniss moaned and mewled in pleasure as she rhythmically swayed her hips while Peeta passed and dipped his tongue over and in her sensitive skin until her legs began to quiver as she found her orgasm.

Afterwards she shimmed down his body, kissed his lips and tasted herselfon his tongue, and then sank onto his hardened member. She smiled to herself as he groaned in ecstasy. Katniss had come to find that she enjoyed the feeling of control that being on top allowed; that, and she could better see Peeta’s reactions. She slowly and purposefully moved over him, gripping the headboard for balance as he got closer. Peeta used his thumb to caress her little needy bundle of nerves, causing her to increase her speed. Katniss gasped as she came and Peeta soon followed, empting himself in the condom.

Afterwards Katniss eased over to her side of the bed, exhausted and thoroughly spent. Peeta tucked her neatly and carefully into his chest as he spooned with her. “Everything will be alright,” he assured her.

Katniss knew that Peeta was no more sure of the future than she was, but that together they could do anything and survive anything…and that thought brought her peace.


	17. chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review this story.
> 
> I also want to show my gratitude to my wonderful betas kismet4891 and katnissinme, I love you ladies.

 

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 16**

May 1934

It had been warm, but as the day wound down it had quickly become chilly in the woods. “Have you caught our dinner yet?” Peeta asked as he approached Katniss on the dock where she dangled her legs off the edge.

She proudly held up two respectably sized catfish. “Yep, I hope you like catfish.”

“It’s the best,” Peeta chuckled,as he eased himself down to sit next to her.

Katniss leaned her head on his shoulder and told him, “This is nice.”

“I take it that you like your birthday trip, then?” Peeta chuckled. He had surprised her; it was her twentieth birthday and he had told her to pack a bag for a little get away trip. One of his old army buddies had a cabin in the woods about an hour away from town. The cabin was just far enough away to be a vacation, yet not so far that Katniss was nervous about leaving home. It took a little convincing from Peeta for her to leave Prim and her Mama on their own – he had promised that Mrs. Seeder would check in on them. Peeta was triumphant in the end, and Katniss was quickly packed and ready to go.

The cabin was next to a fishing hole and the closest person was a mile away, it was perfect. “Finnick told me that I was crazy when I told him that I was taking you to a cabin in the woods for your birthday.”

“I love it!” Katniss exclaimed, tilting her head up so that she could kiss him. “You know me so well, but I would have been happy with anything you would have done for me.”

“You’re not scared to be out in the woods, with no one around?” Peeta teased.

“Of course not, you’re here to protect me,” she explained, and then added huskily, “besides I like that we’re all alone…That doesn’t happen very often.”

Peeta licked his lips – he knew by the tone of her voice that this was the start of something.  It was true, times when they were really alone and free to do as they pleased were few and far between. “I’ve got a fire going in the cabin, why don’t we go inside and get dinner going?We’re going to have to get some food into you, since you’re going to be needing your strength,” he told her with a wicked grin.

Katniss agreed and she and Peeta walked to the nearby cabin, hand-in-hand. She watched dreamily as Peeta made dinner. _I’ll never get tired of looking at this man._  They had been married for a year and a half now. It had been incredibly eventful and sometimes difficult, but mostly happy.

After the Cato Billings incident, it took a long while for life to return to normal. The town was in shock from the brutality of the crimes. For months afterwards, the house and bakery were bombarded with calls from reporters; they would simply say “no comment” and try to carry on with their quiet life.

It was not always easy. Prim joined the rest of the household in having nightmares. She would wake screaming and Katniss would have to soothe her back to sleep and assure her that everything would be all right. When she would get back to her and Peeta’s bed he would do the same for her. Peeta’s nightmares of war were now joined with visions of that terrible day. Katniss could always tell what his dreams were about – if he had dreamed about the war he would want to make love, to remind himself that he was far away from that time and place. If he was dreaming about what they had come to refer to as “that awful day,” he would wrap his arms around her tightly just to confirm that she was there and safe.

Time eventually healed their wounds, both mentally and physically. When all was said and done the only lasting effect had been the diminished hearing in Katniss’s right ear, but she figured that it was a small price to pay.

Just as life began to get back to normal another challenge presented its self. A year ago March, Dr. Aurelius had said that it was time for Mama to leave the hospital. Mama had made great strides; she was finally able to accept the reality that she was now a widow, and that her life was no longer what it had been. Katniss, Peeta, and Prim had been weekly visitors, but for some reason Katniss was not comfortable with the thought of her mother being a major part of her and Prim’s everyday lives. Katniss knew that Mama could not be in the hospital forever, it was time for her re-enter the land of the living. But she struggled with this idea, not knowing where her Mama would live and who should be Prim’s primary care giver. She had been caring for Prim for a long time, and was reluctant to relinquish that role, especially given her mother’s history.

There was no choice; Mama had to move in with them. Katniss had made up the third bedroom upstairs (the one furthest from her and Peeta’s room) for her mother to stay in. She took care in making sure that the walls were repapered with a floral pattern and a comfortable rocking chair was placed in the corner. Everything that had belonged to her mother and had been collected from the farm house was put in the room, including the jewelry chest.Katniss was wary, despite Peeta’s promises that everything would be alright.

“Are you ready for this?” Peeta asked thoughtfully on the day that they brought her mother home. He squeezed her hand as they drove to the hospital.

“Honestly, no,” she had sighed. “I like our little world the way it is.”

“This is a step in the right direction,” Peeta told her earnestly. 

“Why are you so positive?” Katniss grinned. “You are about to enter everyman’s greatest nightmare, having his mother-in-law move in with him.”

“No, I’ve lived through my worst nightmare,” Peeta somberly replied. “This is only an inconvenience at most. Besides, like I told you before, the house is large and it will be nice to have all the rooms full.”

Katniss was reflective for a moment. “There is still one empty room.”

“Hopefully, we’ll fill that one up too, someday,” Peeta smiled warmly, “but not until we’re both ready. I kind of like that we get to practice with Prim before we have our own.”

Katniss giggled and snuggled a little closer to Peeta. _As long as I have this man I can get through anything._

When they arrived at the hospital Katniss helped her mother finish packing while Peeta filled out paperwork. Mama was excited, Katniss was not. She had a lot of resentment toward her mother for many things.

On the drive home, Peeta told Mama all about her new room and about the large garden he planned to put in the back yard for her to spend her time working on in the summer. It was a two-sided conversation, Katniss contributing little to nothing.

When they got back, Prim had already gotten home from school, and she at least was able to experience a happy reunion with her mother. Prim and Peeta showed Mama around the house while Katniss helped Mrs. Seeder set the table. Before Mrs. Seeder left she took Katniss by the hand and said, “I know you’re angry with your Mama, but remember, forgiveness is for your soul, not for anybody else’s.”

“But what she did was terrible,” Katniss plainly stated. “She abandoned us, just the same as if she had boarded a train and left the state.”

“Darlin’, your Mama is sick,” Mrs. Seeder said kindly, yet firmly. “You can’t be upset for her doing what she did any more than you could be mad at her if she had cancer. Now, I’m not telling you what to do, I just think that you should keep that in mind. If you want to know what a bad Mama is like, you should ask Peeta about his sometime. Just be patient with her, is all I’m saying.”

Dinner was a peaceful event because Prim talked enough for everyone. After the meal, Katniss and Peeta did the dishes while Prim showed Mama all her new things. The group then settled in the living room to listen to their favorite radio program. Soon Mama announced, “It has been a very long day. Katniss, could you show me to my room?” Judging by her tone she had something that she wanted to talk about.

Katniss cast Peeta a “help me” look. He motioned his head for her to follow her mother. She got up and followed her mother up the stairs.

“This is such a lovely home,” Mama commented as they walked to her new room.

“Yes, it is,” Katniss agreed and opened the door for her mother. “I hope you like the room, Prim picked out the paper and Peeta painted the pictures on the walls.”

“It’s beautiful, Katniss, it’s the nicest room that I’ve ever had,” Mama said softly, then walked around the room. She stopped at the dressing table and picked up her jewelry chest. “Thank you for gathering all my things, everything that is important is here.”

Katniss thought about telling her mother how Cinna had been the one to give her the chest back, but resisted because it brought back memories of _that_ day and that was too heavy a subject to bring up tonight. She said passively, “You’re welcome.”

Mama sat down on the bed and patted the space beside her. “Please, come sit.” Katniss reluctantly did as asked as her Mama cleared her throat. “I really want to thank you…for so many things. You’ve been so strong, and done so much. You’ve grown up, Katniss.You’re married to a good man with a nice home. It was everything that your Papa and I prayed would happen for you.”

“Peeta is the best husband I could have ever hoped for,” Katniss said sincerely, and then corrected herself. “No, he’s really better than I could have ever hoped for.”

“I’m grateful to him, too,” Mama said and then opened her chest and lifted out the old burnished ring. “My grandfather wore this ring when he came to America. My mother gave it to me on my wedding day. It was always meant to be yours someday, for your husband. Today is as good as any.” She gently took Katniss’s hand and placed the ring in her palm. Katniss finally looked her mother in the eye. “I wish that I could have given it to you on your wedding day, but I guess we can just add that to my list of regrets. I have a lot of those. I’m sorry for…everything, I know that this is not nearly enough, but, if you’ll let me, I’d at least like to start with this.”

Katniss closed her fingers around the ring, speechless. Mama smiled. “I think that it will fit Peeta better than it did your Papa. I’m surprised that you haven’t put a ring on his finger already,” Mama commented. “I know I would – he was the talk of the sewing circle for years, and it wasn’t because of his bread.”

Katniss’s jaw dropped at her mother’s comment. Her mother smiled, “You don’t really think that you’re the only one who thought that he had the most beautiful blue eyes in the county, now did you?” That was the start of a brand new phase in her and her mother’s relationship. Things between the two of them were not always easy, but Katniss kept the peace for the sake of Prim and Peeta.

Katniss gave Peeta the ring for his thirty-second birthday a few weeks after her mother had given it to her. Much to her delight it fit him perfectly, as if it were always meant to be his. He loved it and wore it with pride.  

With her Mama at home, Katniss began to spend more time at the bakery.She often spent the entire day there with Peeta, allowing her mother to take a more active parenting role with Prim. It also allowed Katniss and Peeta to become closer. They worked side-by-side and it was often the only time that they had alone besides in the bedroom. Sometimes it felt like they could get more peace in the bakery office than they could at home. They often indulged in lunch time dalliances on Peeta’s desk, or if they were feeling especially naughty, against the door.

Life wasn’t always easy, but it was good and felt full. Or, at least it had seemed complete until the six weeks previous to her birthday excursion. She had begun to feel as if something was missing. It began one day as she held toddler Finnie. She looked at him and saw that he was a perfect little copy of his father. She then realized that she longed to have that for her and Peeta. But, her past fears of ill-fated pregnancies crept back up. She and Peeta had spoken of it a few times over the past year. He reminded her that just because her mother had problems did not automatically mean that she would as well. They had not spoken about it lately, but Katniss knew that Peeta was ready for a baby and had been for a while. She recently decided that she was ready now, too, and she had just been contemplating how to tell Peeta.

“Are you going to fall asleep on me?” Peeta teased her, bringing her back to the present and the little homey, vacation cabin they currently inhabited.

“Sorry, I was just thinking,” she smiled at him as he set her plate before her.

“About what?” he asked.

“You’ll find out later,” she said and winked at him. They talked about the bakery over dinner. The bakery was doing so well that they were considering another employee and perhaps expanding. With the economy doing slightly better people were beginning to buy luxury goods and not just necessities again and things were looking up.

After they washed up, they wrapped themselves in an old blanket and snuggled up on the porch, sharing a tin cup of wine as they watched the sun go down.When their cup was drained Katniss straddled Peeta’s lap, kissing him as they held each other tight. He started to unbutton her blouse and nipped at her breasts through her brassiere while she ground herself against him. He captured her lips with his and then began to tweak her peaks with his thumb and forefinger, making her heady with desire. She broke the kiss, then traced the shell of his ear with her tongue whispering, “Let’s go inside.”

Peeta grasped her rear and stood, carrying her into the cabin and depositing her onto the surprisingly comfortable feather bed, making them both laugh. They peeled each other’s clothes off, taking their time, because for once they had time to enjoy each other. Peeta lathed her breasts with attention as he traced her slick folds with his fingers and found her needy little bundle with his thumb before he filled her with two fingers.He worked her with his fingers while he sucked hard on the peak of her breast, causing her to call out his name as he brought her to the edge until she screamed and pulsed around his fingers. While she recovered, Peeta looked through the suitcase.  He asked, “Did you pack the condoms?”

“No,” she admitted. A look a pure disappointment crossed his face; she knew that she needed to explain. “I’ve been thinking that I don’t want to use them anymore.”

“What?” Peeta said in disbelief.

“Peeta,” she said and rose from the bed to stand before him, “I’m ready to start a family.”

His eyes went wide in shock and a blissful smile covered his face. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she confirmed and then began to stroke his now half-hard member and place kisses down his chest.  Katniss dropped to her knees, and began to stroke his hardening length the way she knew he liked. He groaned in pained pleasure. She made a pass with her tongue over his entire length, causing him to moan aloud. She took him in her mouth and fit as much of him in as she could, humming and sucking to heighten his experience. His reactions and sounds were having an effect on Katniss – she felt herself become slick with want for him to be inside her. The thought of him releasing inside of her, without a barrier for the first time since the first time they made love, excited her.

Peeta took a deep breath and said in a strained voice, “Well, if you want to start trying for a baby tonight, you’d better stop…I need you right now!”

He helped her to her feet and backed her onto the bed. Gently laying her back, he kneeled before her and spread her legs wide.Peeta held her ankles in his hands, and then eased himself inside her and slowly bucked his hips. It was different tonight; it was more than their typical combination of love and wanting. They were making something…a family. Even if they didn’t conceive tonight, it was the beginning of a new part of their lives.

Peeta’s eyes were drawn to where they were joined; he encouraged her by saying, “Watch.” She did as he urged and was overwhelmed by the erotic sight of him gliding in and out of her. He slowly built up speed and when he knew she was close to the edge again, he leaned down to kiss her and rested his weight on her. Katniss instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist.  They were both painfully close. He thrust hard and deep and pleaded, “Let go for me, Katniss.”

Katniss cried out as she came, Peeta following moments later with a few more shallow movements and then collapsing on top of her. After catching his breath, he moved to get off of her. Katniss held him tight, “Please don’t move yet.”

Peeta chuckled and inched down just enough to rest his head on her chest. They were both sated, their skin sticky with sweat and other evidence of their lovemaking. Katniss broke their peaceful silence. “So, two years ago on my eighteenth birthday, did you ever think that we would be here like this?”

Peeta chuckled and looked up at her. “Well, not like how it happened, but yes, my hope was to someday make you my wife.”

“How did you envision courting me?” Katniss asked out of curiosity.

“On your birthday I was going to ask you to go for a drive on Sunday. Prim would have had to chaperone us, of course. We would have done that for a few weeks and then eventually I would start to be invited over for dinner, and we would sit on the porch. I might have been able to steal innocent kisses as you wished me goodnight.  By summer it would have been acceptable for me to start to take you places like the county fair and the movies. We would have been able to talk about our pasts in depth. I would have taken my time, simply because of your youth.”

“When would you have proposed?” Katniss smiled.

“I’m sure that I would have wanted to a few weeks in,” he admitted, and shifted off her body so that they could be face-to-face, “but I might have lasted until your nineteenth birthday. I would have gotten you your own ring and I would have asked for permission and memorized some idealized, romantic poem and gotten down on one knee and asked you to be my wife. Then, depending on how big a wedding you would have wanted, it would have been anywhere from three months to a year before we got married. There would have been a white dress, a few guests, and I would have made you a beautiful cake.”

“You must have thought about this a lot,” she giggled.

“I did,” he owned up.  “I had lots of time to come up with my perfect courtship of you. I would have been a perfect gentlemen and I wouldn’t have touched you, in anyway disrespectful way. You would have come to our marriage bed just as pure as I’d found you.”

“You never would have taken any liberties with me?” she posed with a cocked eyebrow.

“No,” he insisted emphatically, “Remember how reluctant I was to consummate the marriage even after we were wed? I would have never been anything but respectful of you.”

“That would have been disappointing,” she commented.

He laughed in disbelief, “Disappointing?!”

“I don’t think I could have waited that long to be with you like this,” she admitted and kissed his brow. “So you never thought about me like that?”

“Now, I never said _that_ ,” Peeta blushed. “I’m shocked that I never got struck down dead by God for all the wicked thoughts I had about you.”

They both laughed, and then Katniss said sincerely, “I guess what everyone says is right.”

Peeta cast her a confused glance, “About what?”

“That things always work out the way that they ought to,” she yawned.

“That they do,” Peeta agreed and closed his eyes.

“Peeta?”

“Yes,” he said drowsily.

“I want the baby to have your eyes,” Katniss whispered.

“I don’t think that you can make requests like that,” he chortled.

“Well, that’s what I want,” Katniss sighed, and drifted off to sleep. Peeta soon joined her and neither one had any nightmares that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, sadly this was the last actual chapter. There will be an epilogue in a week or so. Remember reviews are always greatly appreciated and may just inspire me to get the epilogue written faster…
> 
> I have written a story for next week’s fairy tale challenge, called The Baker’s Nobel Son. It is a combination of several fairy tale themes.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as izzysamson.


	18. chapter 17 epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck with this story, when this story started out it was supposed to a short one-shot but then it took on a life of its own, I would like to thank my betas kismet1891 and katnissinme. Kismet4891, has been a part of this with me ever since the idea first struck me and she encouraged me to write it, plus made my beautiful banner. Katnissinme is the grammar and sentence structure miracle worker and has helped out and has taught me so much. Thank you so much ladies!

 

**In Name Only**

**Chapter 17**

**Epilogue**

**June, 1940**

 

Katniss walks out of the kitchen, leaving the last of the dishes to dry in the rack. After an exhausting day, she is ready to join her family. Upon entering the living room, she is greeted by a wonderful sight, one that she will never grow weary of beholding – her two children nodding off in Peeta’s lap as he reads _Peter Rabbit_ to them.

Peeta never ceases to amaze her. In the nearly eight years they have been married, he has not aged a day; if anything, he appears younger. He often tells her that she keeps him young. Her husband seems lighter now than he did years ago, no longer bogged down by the painful burden of his past. He lives for his family, and they love him dearly.

Their children, Violet and Harland, are totally different, yet equally striking. Violet is nearly six, and has inherited Peeta’s vivid blue eyes and milky skin, in sharp contrast to her nearly black hair. She is charming, like her father, and has her mother’s scowl when upset.

Their four-year-old, Harland, is nearly as olive-skinned as Katniss with her grey eyes. He is also clearly his father’s son, with a thick mop of golden curls and stocky build. At times pensive like his mother, his warmth and smile was are like those of Peeta.

Katniss’s pregnancies were on the whole uneventful, though the entire time she carried Violet she was filled with dread. She was afraid to embrace the idea of becoming a mother, scared that the moment she fell in love with the baby in her womb it would be gone. Peeta was the one who soothed her fears and told her that everything was going to be alright. Even coming from her beloved’s lips, Katniss found it hard to believe. Yet the moment she heard her daughter’s wails, all of her fears dashed away. The sight of Peeta holding his tiny daughter in his large, loving hands brought her a feeling of peace that she had never known.

The second pregnancy went a little smoother, but not much. When Peeta held his son for the first time, Katniss knew that their family was complete.

Peeta was meant to be a father, and reveled in it.  He would change diapers and bring the babies to Katniss for the nighttime feedings. He had the patience with them that Katniss sometimes lacked, perhaps because of his age, or maybe it was his nature - either way, Katniss was grateful for it. Now that they were older, Peeta always read them their bedtime stories and played with them. He was a regular guest at Violet’s tea parties, and the best toy train conductor the town had ever seen.

Katniss couldn’t blame the children for being exhausted, it had been a long day and it was well past their bedtime. Prim had graduated from high school today, and they had hosted a party for her out in the yard for no less than a hundred people. The Mellark and Odair children were as thick as thieves and played as hard as they could. Lil’ Finnie had been joined by two siblings: Magdalene, who was a few weeks older than Violet, and Noah, who was three months younger than Harland. The Mellarks and Odairs had not planned to have children at the same time, but found it a happy accident. Finnick often laughed that Finnie came first so that he could protect the girls from other little boys, and would be able to teach Harland and Noah everything naughty that little boys should know.

The day had made Katniss reflect over on how different life was for Prim at eighteen, so unlike her own experience. When she looked at her sister, she found it hard to believe that she had married at that age. Prim had graduated, as valedictorian, no less. Finally, her parents’ dream was realized – an Everdeen had finished school. Not only that, Prim had earned scholarships to a prestigious nursing school, and would be going to college in a few weeks. Katniss couldn’t be prouder of her sister, or sadder that she would be leaving soon to start a life of her own.

Prim had given a stirring speech at the ceremony, both touching and inspiring. Peeta had helped her compose her address, making it their little joint project. Katniss admired their relationship; he never tried to replace their father, yet was still so much more to her than a big brother. Katniss could tell that Prim’s upcoming move to college was going to affect him just as much as it would her. 

After the ceremony, Prim had pulled Katniss aside, hugging her sister tight, and saying, “Thank you, Katniss.”

“For what?” Katniss said out of surprise.

“For everything,” Prim said, as if what she was talking about was obvious. “For working so hard, for always being there, and for doing all the things you did to keep us together, including marrying just to keep me out of the children’s home.”

Katniss froze; she and Prim had hardly ever spoken of the day she had gotten married. She had just always assumed that Prim had bought Finnick’s story.

Prim giggled, “Oh, Katniss! I was naïve, not stupid…I caught on that the ‘secret courtship’ was only a story pretty soon. But, Peeta was so good to us and he truly loved us, especially you. I also knew that you loved him. Although, you two didn’t know how the other one felt. I wished so hard that you would realize it and that we could all live happily ever after.”

Katniss rolled her eyes. Prim was still as whimsical as ever. “So, did it end up as well as you hoped it would?”

“No, it’s been better,” Prim sighed, and gave her sister one last squeeze before they had rejoined the festivities.

Peeta looks up from the volume of Beatrix Potter, glancing at the sleepy heads sitting on his lap, and asks, “Which one do you want to take?”

“I’ll take Violet,” Katniss volunteers, “she weighs less than him these days. He is a chunk!”

“Yes, he is,” Peeta grins. “He might be named after your father, but he is built like mine. He’ll be hauling around sacks of flour before you know it.”

“No, I want them to be little for a while longer,” Katniss half-complains, heaving her partially awake daughter up from her father’s lap.

“No, Mommy,” Violet yawns. “I’m a big girl, I help with the cakes…Grammy is going to let me help with the garden this summer.”

“I know sweetie, you’re such a big helper,” Katniss cajoles her. “Mommy doesn’t like to see her babies grow up. Before I know it, you’ll be graduating from school just like Auntie Prim did today.”

“Oh, Mommy, that’s a long time,” Violet says as if it were a hundred years away. Katniss chuckles as she carries her daughter up the stairs. _It’s much closer than you think, little one._ Peeta and Harland are a couple of steps behind them when Violet catches her Daddy’s eye. “Hey, Daddy?”

“Yes, cupcake?” Peeta replies. Katniss can hear the smile on his face, the one he reserves especially for his children.

“Can I get a puppy for my birthday?” she asks drowsily. This has been an ongoing request for several months now. Violet doesn’t know it yet, but she will be getting a Border Collie puppy on her birthday. Katniss and Peeta have already picked one out, and are just waiting until it is old enough to bring it home, which just so happens to be about the same time their daughter turns six.

“I don’t know,” Peeta says warningly as they reach the landing. “A puppy is a big responsibility.”

Harland raises his head and adds his two cents to the conversation. “I want a puppy, too!”

They take their worn out little ones to their shared bedroom. When Prim moves out, Violet will get her room, but they are in no hurry. The brother and sister are close, and like being in the same room. They peel the kids out of their clothes and put on their pajamas, helping them to say their prayers, which include requests to keep their family and friends safe, and of course, for them to get a puppy. Next they tuck them in and kiss them good night. Both children are asleep before their heads hit the pillows.

She and Peeta pause in the doorway for a moment, as they do every night, just to admire their little miracles. Peeta whispers, “Did you ever think that you’d love them this much?”

“No, did you?” she sighs, and wraps her arms around his waist.

“No, I didn’t have any clue that love like this existed,” he answers honestly and nuzzles his nose in her hair. After a few more moments, he finally flips the switch and they walk into the hallway. “Do we need to check in with your Mama? She went to bed awfully early.”

“Mmmmm…Today was difficult for her. I think Papa was on her mind all day,” Katniss whispers. “I’ll go peek in on her. Why don’t you go make us some drinks?”

“Sounds like a plan,” he agrees, placing a kiss on her cheek.

Katniss tip toes to her mother’s room, and knocks lightly before she opens the door. Mama is in her nightgown and sitting in her rocking chair with a photo album in her lap; she’s fallen asleep looking at it. She must not have gotten to bed before the sleeping pills she sometimes take kicked in.

Katniss’s relationship with her mother is currently the best it has ever been. She is a wonderful grandmother and watches the children during the bakery’s morning rush so that Katniss can help. It still isn’t a typical mother/daughter relationship, Katniss more often being the parent, but things are at least comfortable between them and have been since the birth of her children.

Katniss lifts the album and puts it away. “Mama,” she says softly and gently shakes her mother’s hand to coax her awake. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“Is Prim home yet?” Mama asks.

“No, her curfew isn’t for another two hours. Don’t worry, Peeta and I are going to wait up for her, you need to rest,” she assures and leads her mother to bed.

“She looked so pretty today, and her speech was very good. Your Papa would be so proud,” her Mama wistfully relays as she lies down.

“I know he is,” Katniss confirms, and pulls up her mother’s blankets. “Goodnight, Mama.”

She is already asleep.

Katniss makes her way downstairs, where Peeta has the radio turned on and a glass of orange juice and rum waiting for her on the coffee table. He asks, “How is she?”

“She’s alright, but I might call Dr. Aurelius on Monday to see if he can see her sometime soon. It’s been a few months since she’s last seen him.”

“That would be good,” Peeta concurs. “What time is Prim supposed to be in?”

“I told her, since she graduated today, that she could stay out until midnight,” Katniss tells her husband.

“That was nice,” he commented. Judging by his tone Katniss knows that there was something on his mind.

“What’s wrong?” she wonders out loud.

“Rory pulled me aside today,” Peeta shares with his wife.

Katniss feels a sudden surge of foreboding. “He didn’t ask to marry Prim, did he?”

“No,” Peeta replies with a smile. He knows how she feels about her sister getting married so young. He then gets serious again. “He told me that he wants to join the Army. He knows that war is coming soon, and he wants to be in the thick of it from the start. Rory wanted me to tell him about what I went through.”

“Did you convince him not to?” Katniss inquires.

“I don’t think so,” Peeta admits, “but at least he doesn’t think it’s fun and games now. I can’t fault him for wanting to join… he feels it is his patriotic duty, although he will take it more seriously now, I think. He was going to tell Prim tonight.”

 “Oh,” Katniss says in understanding, and snuggles close to her husband. This would be upsetting for Prim. She and Rory have been going steady since the start of the school year. It seems innocent enough, and Rory Hawthorne is a nice boy. But she knows that Prim is not ready to get married. She is ambitious and has her own goals and dreams. Katniss knows that the young relationship will more than likely be coming to an end soon. It will be one of the few times in which Katniss cannot give advice; she was lucky enough to marry her first and only love. “How bad does it hurt, to lose your first love?”

“It hurts while you’re in the throes of it.You think that you might actually die,” Peeta says heavily. “But then you realize that the world isn’t going to stop just because your heart is broken. Then day-by-day things get better, and you end up a little wiser.” Peeta smiles at his wife and assures her, “They’re young and will be alright, and if they are meant to be, they will find a way back to each other.”

“So, how did you get over it?” she asks her husband.

Peeta smiles warmly and says, “Actually, it was you.”

“Me?” Katniss asks in a shocked tone.

“The day after Clove laughed me out of her house,” Peeta explains with a smile. “You came with your father to deliver eggs. You thought I looked sad, so you brought me a bundle of dandelions and told me that flowers make people feel better when they’re sad. You gave me hope. Your simple words made me want to be happy again…Not knowing that someday, you would give me the greatest happiness that I would never know.”

Katniss feels awestruck by his story. “I remember that, I was about six.”

“Yes, it was part of the reason I wanted so badly to help you, because you see, you had already unknowingly saved me,” Peeta replies honestly.

“We’ve saved each other, many times,” Katniss observes.

“I suppose we have,” Peeta whispers in response.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through all that,” Katniss tells her husband. She hates thinking about all of the pain in his past.

“Don’t be. If it hadn’t been for all my heartaches, I’d never be as happy as I am now,” he says sincerely. “It never even crosses my mind anymore.” Peeta shifts slightly so that he can be face-to-face with his wife and playfully offers, “But if you want to kiss me and make it all better, you’re more than welcome to. We’ve got a while before Prim will be home…An hour and half might just be enough time to do some of the things I’ve been thinking about all day.”

“You, Mr. Mellark, are insatiable! Are all men your age like this?” Katniss laughs as Peeta begins to plant kisses on her cheek that start to quickly drop lower.

Peeta looks up at her and shrugs. “Probably not, but then most men don’t have such a sexy and gorgeous wife like mine.”

Katniss rolls her eyes. “Flattery will get you nowhere, and besides, I’ve changed a lot since we’ve gotten married.” She has gained a dress size or two since having children.

“I know, my bride was a very pretty girl,” he says thoughtfully and waggles his eyebrows. “But now, I’m married to a beautiful woman. You’re more attractive than ever. You’ve grown into yourself, your face is fuller and your curves are softer. You were always too skinny as a kid. But now you are a full-fledged woman, and you’ve never looked lovelier, Mrs. Mellark.”

Katniss chuckles and shakes her head, “How do you still do it?”

“What’s that, my love?”

“You still amaze me every day,” she whispers and kisses him fully on the lips.

“Well, you better get used to it, because I plan on doing it for the next fifty years or so,” he teases with a wink.  “I think I’ll try to amaze you a couple of more times tonight, first, though.”

 _I will never get tired of being Mrs. Mellark._ Peeta has given her so much more than a name; he’s given her a life full of love and happiness that she never thought would have been possible. She says a silent prayer that they will be granted fifty years more to save each other, and bring each other hope.

 

 

 

And they would. They lived fifty more years. Life was not always easy, but they worked hard and raised their children. They were happy, more often than not.

The Mellarks watched distance split Prim from her sweetheart, Rory Hawthorne, only for them to be reunited by WWII five years later.While the setting was less than ideal, a hospital in Germany, the love between them was still genuine and they were eventually married.

They got to see their children marry, and have children of their own. Peeta made an even better grandpa than he did a father, and Katniss was infamous for sneaking her grandbabies sweets when their parents weren’t looking, as well as singing the prettiest lullabies.

The union of Finnie and Violet officially made the Mellarks and Odairs family. Harland would eventually marry his childhood crush, a flower girl whom he met when he was the ring bearer at his aunt’s wedding. His wife was a dark-haired fairy named Mary Margret Hawthorne, the daughter of Gale and Madge Hawthorne. 

Harland would eventually take over the bakery, but Peeta and Katniss would still visit every day. Peeta gained semi-celebrity status as the oldest living WWI veteran in the area. The Mellarks were much loved and respected in the same town in which they had once been gossiped about. 

Peeta passed away peacefully in his sleep during the spring of 1990. He was followed by his wife less than six months later. The doctors said that Katniss’s heart gave out. But her children agreed that her heart was broken and simply stopped in want of its partner. The Mellarks are buried next to one another in a peaceful, rural graveyard.

The grieving family was comforted by the words of their youngest grandson, Peeta Odair. “Today I’m going to cry, not tears of sadness but of joy…Because today, somewhere in heaven, without a limp or use of a cane, Peeta and Katniss Mellark will be walking hand-in-hand.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story and sticking with me for this long.
> 
> Yeah, I know that last part was a bit, no very, over the top but I couldn't resist. Everlark deserves a really happy ending.


	19. Chapter 19

**Hello beloved readers!**

**First let me apologize, this is not a 'real' chapter of In Name Only, but a preview of an outtake. Please don't be mad at me for getting your hopes up but I am doing it for a good cause.**

**I have written an In Name Only Outtake for a wonderful cause, S2SL, Smut to Save Lives. All proceeds will go Hope for Caroline, Inc, a charity to raise money to help families and to fund research for DIPG, a devastating, inoperable, and unfortunately, incurable form of brain tumor that occurs in children ages 5-9.**

**For only $10 you can read this outtake February 14th, along with a ton of other smut-filled stories written by the many of the best authors THG fandom has to offer. I've already donated I hope that you will too.**

**You don't have to be on tumblr to donate or to read these stories. To find out how to donate or learn more information go to** **s2sl.  tumblr.  com.**

**Teaser- In Name Only- Katniss and Peeta's First Valentine's Day**

"We're home," he announced when they pulled into the drive, it wasn't a moment too soon because Katniss was just about to reach into his pants.

She smiled at him seductively, "What are you going to home to me, now that you got me?"

"Do you mean, 'what am I going to do to you, now that I've got you home?'"

She smiled wide and squinted, making her nose wrinkle in the cutest way, "Isn't that what I said?"

"No," he answered and parked the car.

Katniss giggled heartily as Peeta opened the car door, she slid out behind him, nearly tumbled to the ground. He caught her around the waist and guided his tipsy wife to the house.

"Hey, Peeta?"

"Yes?" he replied and opened the door.

"Before you came over to the table, that man said something to me…I've heard the word before but I don't know what it exactly means," she said shyly.

He let her go so he could face her, "What did he say to you?"

"He said that 'I look I would be fun to…um…fuck'," she whispered the last word and Peeta felt the fury rise in him.  _I should have punched that asshole a few more times._  He wanted to go back to the bar simply to go ring the bastard's called him back to reality, "What does it mean exactly? I know that it is a very bad word, I've heard only a couple of times before."

"It means," he searched for the right words, "fornication, and sex simply for sake of sex. Sort of like animals."

"Oh…Do you ever want to do that to me?" she posed with a mix of innocence and curiously.

It was a hard question to answer. The thought of taking her hard and rough, was a fantasy that he usually didn't allow himself. In all the time he'd spent dreaming about them together it was always love making; deep and meaningful. Never did he allow himself to imagine just simple fornication. He was always telling himself that she was too inexperienced, naïve, and most importantly his wife, and not to be used in such a way. But sometimes, he had to admit, that he thought about making love to his wife in a wanton way, he wanted to hear her impassioned cries as he thrust into her deeply.

He had to be honest with her, "I wouldn't use the word 'fuck' but yes there are times, that I would like to…um…," he searched for the right word, " _ravage_  you."

He felt Katniss shiver with the words and she smiled at him with hooded eyes, "Then why don't you?"

Peeta couldn't believe what he had just heard, "Is that what you want tonight?"

She nodded and then pulled on his tie to bring his lips to her in a heated kiss. She inhaled his lower lip into her mouth and worried it with her teeth. One of her hands traveled to his fly and groped him through his pants, and he instantly began to stiffen again.

He chucked, "I thought that you wanted  _me_  to ravage  _you_."

She proposed, "Maybe we can take turns ravaging each other."

**Again, I am sorry to tease you, but you can read all 7,000 words of it if you donate to this great cause. You can get the entire chapter February 14th, but not unless you donate s2sl. Eventually this will published in In Name Only- Peeta's POV...in June.**

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